Crash and Burn

f o r t y f i v e: Pushing Through

The Monday after the disastrous party on Friday was one that I wish I could avoid, however, I wasn't that lucky. I had a calculus test in third period that I couldn't miss and track practice after school, so actually arriving was essential for me. I spent the entire weekend hiding away in my bedroom, avoiding my misery by drowning myself in school work. 

On the bright side, I finally submitted my application to Cornell University, my dream school. Even though if I win the big state championship race happening in a short three weeks I'm pretty much secured a scholarship spot on their track team, I still have to apply so they can make sure I meet all their academic requirements as well. Even before my breakup with Roman, I was eager to get out of this small town and have a life in New York, so I want to do that now more than ever. 

Of course, I'm happy that I finally finished that application along with all my essays, but submitting it was something that I've looked forward to for years, wanting it to be a moment of celebration and happiness. But, because of Friday and the past two week's events, it wasn't all that I had hoped for. My mind was elsewhere- in a more gloomy place. 

Now here I am, roughly shoving books into my locker in-between third and fourth period, Gemma cautiously standing next to me. That Calculus test fried my brain to a pile of ashes, even after studying for hours over the weekend. The feeling was worsening my already sour attitude. 

"Tess? Are you okay?" Gemma squeaks after I slam my locker shut. 

"I'm fine, Gemma," I snap at her. She looks down to the titled ground and I feel an instant pang of guilt. I shouldn't be taking my anger out on her. Nothing that happened on Friday was her fault in the slightest. Before Roman came along with that desperate junior I was actually having fun, which was Gemma's exact intention. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you," I sigh, giving her an apologetic look. 

"I know," she gives me a small smile. "I know what happened on Friday was rough for you." 

"Yeah, it was. But I don't want to let this all control me forever, you know? I want to move on and be happy," I tell her honestly. Being sad all the time was starting to impact all the categories of my life in a harmful way. I didn't deserve to feel like this. 

"And you deserve to be happy," Gemma points out. "If things are meant to be with Roman, then they'll be. In the meantime, try to get your mind off of him. I know it's easier said than done but it'll take time," Gemma rests a comforting hand on my shoulder. 

"Thanks, Gem. I know you have good intentions and I appreciate them," I give her a smile, and for the first time in two weeks it feels genuine. Just as she's about to say something else to me, the warning bell to get to fourth period blares obnoxiously, signaling the end of our talk. 

"Catch you at lunch?" Gemma questions, slinging her bag over her shoulder. 

"Of course, enjoy dissection day," I wiggle my eyebrows at her teasingly. Gemma hates anything to do with gore which is odd considering she decided to take forensics as her science credit this year. 

"Ugh! Don't remind me! Don't be surprised if I don't have any sort of appetite at lunch!" she calls over her shoulder, making me chuckle. 

Just as I'm about to head to my last class as well, I realize I forgot to grab my notebook from my locker. I dial my combination and finger through my collection of textbooks, folders, and binders until I find the one I need. I open up the front cover to make sure it's the right one, when a little scrap of notebook paper falls out, flittering to the ground. 

My heart catches in my throat. 

It can't be, can it? Roman and I are broken up, that much is clear. We haven't been seen together at school for the past two weeks. Hell, he hasn't even been here at all. It seems as if whoever was leaving me those notes got their wish, so why would they be leaving me another note?