Crash and Burn

BONUS: Be With You (Roman's POV)

I closed the door after Isabella stomped away, letting out a heavy sigh. I can't believe I could actually stand to date her for as long as I did. I know I had a thing for her in freshman year, but I didn't care about anything other than the physical aspect of a relationship back then. 

All of that changed when I met Tessa, though. She showed me a different side of life that I hadn't seen before. One where it's okay to be vulnerable and let people be there for you. I fell for her faster than I ever thought possible, and I tried to resist it for so long. 

However, now it's too late. She's still with Logan, even if she did call me crying last night over him acting like a jerk. I feel bad for hanging up on her, but hearing her voice sound so sad and defeated was making me think things that I shouldn't. I wanted to drive over to wherever she was and just tell her how I really feel, but I had to do one thing before I could even think about doing that. 

That's why I just got done with breaking up with Isabella. I'm not even sure if Tessa even does or ever will feel the same way about me as I do for her, but I can't keep fooling myself anymore. Isabella was nothing more than a way for me to try and convince myself that I'm not absolutely crazy about Tessa and only Tessa. I know it's wrong of me to use Isabella like that, even if she is a bitch, but I couldn't sit by and watch Tessa with one of the people that I hate the most in this world. 

Logan has been involved with Rick for years, and every time I see him with Tess that guilt eats away at me. I know he's only with her for ulterior motives and because Rick most likely told him to, but I can't tell her that. If she ever found out and confronted Logan about it, she would be in even more danger than she already is from being around me. I'm hoping that eventually, Logan's sorry-excuse for a personality reveals itself to her so she breaks up with him on her own accord sooner rather than later. 

I lean up against the front door to my house, closing my eyes tightly. Her face is all I see. She's circling around my head twenty-four-seven and It's driving me insane. I try so hard to see her as a best friend and nothing more, but every time she smiles at me my stomach does summersaults. 

I've never felt this way about someone in my entire life, and at first, I tried so hard to convince myself that I didn't like her that way. However, when Thanksgiving came around and I got the sudden urge to kiss her after she got done tutoring Brody, I knew I was a goner. 

She just has a way of saying just the right thing at just the right time. She's obviously the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, but her beauty on the outside is only accentuated by her beauty on the inside. As cheesy as that sounds, she's the most understanding and caring soul I've ever met. She's the only person that truly sees me for me. She sees past the front I put up and haI  a way of knowing what I'm thinking or feeling. I feel like our souls have been connected since the very start. 

When I first met her, I thought she was snobby and pretentious. However, after getting to know her, I realized that her acting that way was only a defense mechanism. Just like myself, she didn't want anyone getting close to her, and especially not me. I know I was a complete dick to her, but I'm glad we've moved far beyond that by now. After she was in the hospital from being sick and we had our first deep conversation, I knew that I wanted her in my life even if I had a weird way of showing it at first. Slowly that want for her friendship turned into something much more and bit by bit I was becoming mesmerized by her essence. 

She moves with such grace yet when she wants something she's not afraid to show it. She's timid yet demanding and whenever she's in the room she demands my gaze. I can't look away. She lights up any room she's in. 

However, no matter how much I want her, I can't show that. I have her friendship and I don't want to scare her off with my feelings that she most likely won't return. Tessa is the type of person who wants and craves stability, and that's something I can't give her. As long as Rick and Snake are controlling my life, she'll never be truly happy with me.