Gods of Halcon 1: Davide Castillejo - COMPLETE

Chapter 34

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Davide's hard-on for his wife was not something he wanted anyone to know about. All the woman he had said no to before would probably mock him if they found out that sleeping inside the room beside his was a wife he was not allowed to touch, not even kiss on the lips. At kapag nalaman ng mga kaibigan niya ay siguradong magtatawa rin ang mga ito.

Nang matapos ang karera ay tumuloy sila sa bar. Nagtanong si Zauro. "Pia seems to still like you."

"Still?" Pia was sort of special. Ito lang ang babaeng constant sa buhay niya. He knew that if he invited her she would come. But he saw her as more than a lover, she was also a friend. Sa palagay niya ay ganoon din naman ang babae sa kanya. Maybe if he did not have to marry Aguida, he would've considered marrying Pia. Pero mayroon ding sariling buhay ang babae at matagal na silang hindi nagkakatabi, pero kapag nagkikita sila ay hindi puwedeng hindi sila magbatian man lang.

"Yeah. Even if you're married. I saw how she was with you."

"Yes, but I'm married and everybody knows that. Imagine what that would do to her image."

"So why do you still spend time with her?"

"Why the hell not? Besides, we really don't spend time together anymore. The last time we saw each other aside from today, it was a business meeting. And why in the world do you care, Zauro?"

"I'm merely saying that I'd hate to see you lose your chance at true love, pare. You never gave your marriage a try, which I think is a pity."

Gustong tumawa nang mapakla ni Davide. Kung alam lang sana nito ang tungkol sa kasulatan na mismong kanyang asawa ang gumawa, malamang na hindi na nito masasabi iyon. Of course, he will never tell just how fucked up his marriage was. He thought it had some hope but after the honeymoon was over, the marriage also was over. Sino ba ang niloloko nila sa pag-iisip na nagkaroon talaga iyon ng chance? It was on life-support from the get-go, was it really any wonder that it was now dead?

"Why don't we talk about your life instead, Zauro?" aniya, nakataas ang sulok ng labi. "How is your battle with the little lady? Everything good? You wanna tell us all about that?"

"It's nothing. Anyway, we're talking about you," ani Zauro. Davide obviously hit a sensitive spot. Kung noon siguro ay gugustuhin niyang igiit ang paksa, pero hindi sa ngayon. He didn't want to give Zauro more reason to keep asking about him and his wife. He didn't want to talk about his marriage though at times it was all he can think about. How can he not?

Hindi lang miminsan niyang ginustong mas makilala pa ang asawa. He was sure there were so many interesting things about Aguida but she was a closed book. Gusto sana niyang malaman kung ano ang mga plano nito pero mukhang ayaw naman ng babaeng sabihin. She was aloof and seemed happy doing her own thing. He had learned long ago not to push others to like him. He never really succeeded in his own family. Sinabi niya sa sarili na hinding-hindi na siya susubok muli na gawin ang ganoon sa iba. If someone didn't want him, he wouldn't force them to. If Aguida didn't want to share her life or time with him, he will never ask her to change her decision. He had too much pride for that.

He guessed they will separate in time. Hindi lang niya masabi kung kailan sa ngayon dahil wala pa silang anak. He was realizing more and more how fucked up the situation really was, to even think that they should have a child together when they hardly ever spoke was absurd. Anong klaseng pamilya magkakaroon ang bata? Ano kaya ang inasahan ng kanilang mga magulang?

Kunsabagay ay parang nahuhulaan niyang inaasahan ng mga magulang nilang magiging maayos ang lahat sa pagdating ng anak nila. Sa katunayan, iniisip na nga ng mga ito na walang problema sa kanilang samahan. Maybe they all thought that because he and Aguida were both adults that they would somehow find a way to get along. Their current state was the best they can hope for at this point. Adding a child to the chaotic mix would be the worst mistake that can commit.

Iyon ang malaking dahilan kung bakit hindi pa niya sinasabi sa babae na magpatingin sila sa doktor. He was guessing that that would be easy anyway. Siyempre, kumpara sa normal na paraan ng pag-aanak ay parang isang malaking kalokohan ang kanilang option, pero ano pa nga ba kung mismong si Aguida ay iyon ang naiisip na solusyon. That woman would much rather undergo a scientific procedure in a lab or clinic somewhere than have sex with him!

"If you're not going out with Pia then maybe I can ask her out," nagbibirong sabi ni Fergus. "She's pretty."

Davide honestly didn't care. Siya rin ang huling taong dapat na alalahanin ng mga ito tungkol sa ganoong bagay. He simply viewed relationships differently. Hindi maiintindihan ng mga ito ang kanyang pananaw. Para sa kanya, simple lang naman ang lahat, nagiging komplikado lang dahil sa emosyon ng tao at social construct.

"Go right ahead. Anyway, are you guys staying? My flight is in three hours. I think I better get going."

"Excited to be with the wife?" ani Zauro, nakangisi.

"Sure," sabi na lang niya nang magtigil na ito. "I can't wait."

Nagtawanan ang lahat. But the truth was, he indeed wanted to see his wife. May kung anong misteryo ang babae na gusto niyang tuklasin. He had to admit that he had toyed with the idea of getting her drunk again. He would sometimes fantasize about that. Kapag nalasing na ang babae ay baka may mangyari ulit sa kanila. Baka. Maybe this time he will stay.

Ilang ulit na niyang binalikan sa isip ang honeymoon nila. Para bang umalis lang siya saglit, at pagbalik niya ay naiba na ang mundo. Maybe if he only stayed, things would have been different. Alam niyang isang malaking kalokohan ang ideya pero kung minsan ay may mga ganoon siyang isipin. Maybe if Aguida woke up in his arms, she would've realized that being there was not all that bad. Maybe she would realize that they were really good together.

But he had to leave her that morning. Halos tanghali na rin iyon. May kausap siya, isang maiksing meeting na nagtagal nang dumating si Pia. Ito ang bagong mukha ng pinakabagong produkto ng kompanya. Nang magpaalam siya ay humiling si Pia na ipakilala siya saglit sa boyfriend nito na nasa VIP room ng casino. A high roller, apparently, some Chinese guy. Pinagbigyan niya ang babae. Matapos makilala ang boyfriend nito ay nagbalik na rin siya sa suite nila ni Aguida, para lang mabigla sa naabutang galit na galit na asawa.

He had to sigh as he was preparing his things. He had always disliked staying in hotels. Hotels were the worst. Hindi maganda sa kanyang pakiramdam na matulog sa isang silid na napaka-impersonal, kung sino-sino na ang tumuloy. He would rather stay home, even if his wife was a stranger.

Tumuloy na siya sa airport at hindi pa nagtagal ay naghihintay na sa lounge. Inilabas niya ang baong maliit na Moleskin sketchbook. He silently called that book his "Aguida Book" because it contained mostly sketches of her and her things. Madalas siyang nag-sketch hango sa alaala sa babae. Bago mag-board ay buo na ang imahen ng babae kung saan kalaro nito ang kanyang mga aso. He saw her playing with them before he left. Napapangiti siya habang pinagmamasdan ang guhit.

Sa eroplano ay muli siyang nag-sketch. Sa pagkakataong ito ay in-imagine niya si Aguida habang nagre-review at nagbabalat ng patani. Wala siyang ideya kung ano ang suot ng babae sa araw na iyon pero malawak ang kanyang imahinasyon. The draft was finished by the time the plane landed in Manila.

Umuwi na siya, bahagyang disappointed dahil mabigat pa rin ang traffic kaya ginabi na siya nang husto. Alam niyang tulog na si Aguida sa ganoong oras. Ibinagsak niya ang katawan sa sofa. He felt sadness and happiness at the same time. There was warmth in that house. Kasabay noon ay ang lungkot na kahit may warmth sa tahanan ay malamig naman ang reyna noon.

"Ano'ng ginagawa mo diyan?"

Nabigla siya sa tinig ng babaeng nasa isip. "Hello," was all he can say as Aguida looked at him, her eyebrows raised.

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