Holding on to His Promises

Chapter 37: Never Ends

I had blues while I was walking on the road beneath the silent night, going home from Kirby's burial. Darkness and silence welcomed me when I arrived at the house. I should be afraid of ghosts now. Ngunit sa pagkakataong ito, wala nang lugar sa akin ang takot, dahil punong puno ako ng kalungkutan. I went straight to my room. Patagilid akong humiga sa kama at niyakap ang unan ko. I closed my eyes and began to sob.

"I promise that you're the one I will marry . . ."

Liar . . .

You're a liar, Dylan!

The conversation I had with Dylan was still fresh in my mind.

"I'm already married . . ."

Anxiety attacked me, because it wasn't just about my love for Dylan but also about my daughter's dream to meet his father. How could I make my daughter's dream come true now that he was already married to someone else? I didn't want to push ourselves to him and I didn't want to ruin his relationship with his wife.

My cries became louder. I couldn't take control of my tears. I could feel the extreme pain in my chest.

Ang pag-iyak ko ay naging hagulgol nang tumagal. I cried my heart out and almost wetted my pillow with my tears. I thought I was already done with suffering from pain because I already recovered from Leukemia. But here I was, crying again in pain. I didn't know what was more difficult to deal with. But this time I doubted if I could recover from this.

It hurts! It really hurts!

"I hate you so much, Dylan! I hate you!" I shouted between my whimpers.

It felt like anytime I would lose my mind; anytime I would lose my breath in so much crying. I fell to pieces. My broken voice was filling the room.

***

A gloomy morning welcomed me as I opened my swollen eyes. The moment that I remembered what happened last night, I reduced to tears. Until I just found myself crying again in my room. I felt so sad.

I heard my phone ringing beside me, so I wiped my tears while still sobbing. It was Mommy, so I answered the call.

"Hello, sweetheart? How are you there?" she said.

"D-don't come here with Shekinah," I told her while hiccupping and tears were streaming down my face.

"Why? What happened? Why are you crying?" there was worry in her voice.

"I talked to my daughter's father. H-he's already married to someone else."

"What? Hindi ba't ang sabi ko sa 'yo kaya nating palakihin si Shekinah nang wala ang tulong ng mga Hunt?" She was mad.

"Shekinah wants to see him."

"Kahit na! Tell her that she no longer have a father!"

Natahimik ako at pinag-aralan ang sinabi ni Mommy. Naiimagine ko pa lang na sasabihin ko 'yon kay Shekinah, parang nahahati na ang puso ko.

"Demi, this is for Shekinah. Do you want her to be a bastard?"

"N-no."

"Then do what I'm saying! Hindi na kami uuwi riyan. Pakisabi na lang sa Auntie Helena mo na may inaasikaso pa kami ng daddy mo."