Holding on to His Promises

Chapter 33: I Believe

My treatment was continuous during my pregnancy. I'd gone through tough days and months, but I stayed strong for my babies. I was in a very difficult and fretting situation because I didn't know if I could survive, especially when my sickness became worse. I felt like dying in pain. They monitored the babies' condition until the day of my delivery, and I was so glad that we reached this stage after the long suffering.

"Mommy!" I was crying.

They were hurriedly taking me to the operating room while I was lying on the stretcher. The babies would be delivered through cesarean section.

"You can do it, sweetheart," Mommy said while crying.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya, ngunit 'di rin nagtagal ay nabitawan ko rin iyon dahil ipapasok na ako sa loob ng operating room.

"I love you!" I heard Mom said before the door finally shut.

They started to inject me something, until my eyelids become heavy, and everything went black.

***

I was confined for nearly month, and they thought I would no longer wake up. Therefore, they were so happy when I woke up. Mommy told me about what happened when I was unconscious. I felt so weak and I couldn't move my body. I wanted to speak but I had no energy to open my mouth. Tears started to form in my eyes.

I want to see my baby . . .

I felt Mom's touch on my head. Hinahaplos-haplos niya iyon, tila pinapatahan ako. "Your little angel is in a good condition now," she said. When I looked at her, I saw tears welling on her cheeks.

I just let my tears fall. I tried my best to open my mouth. "M-mom." I almost whispered.

"Yes?" she replied, waiting for me to speak more.

"Shekinah . . ." I said, "T-that's her name," I reminded, though I knew she knew it because I already told her that.

She nodded her head.

***

The following days was agonizing. Ang sakit. Sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko, at dumating ako sa point na parang gusto ko nang magpaalam kina Mommy at Daddy. I was getting tired.

"It hurts Mommy!" I said while crying and dealing with the physical pain.

"Be strong, please . . ." Mommy said while crying with me. I knew she was afraid. She didn't want to lose me. That was why she was always on my side, taking care of me. Naiiwan siya rito sa bahay para alagaan ako. Kaya, wala si Daddy ngayon sa bahay dahil siya na muna ang nagtatrabaho.

Patuloy lang ako sa pag-iyak hanggang sa nakatulog ako.

Sa mga sumunod na araw, tila lanta na akong gulay. Kahit na hindi ko nakikita ang sarili ko, alam kong bumagsak na ang katawan ko at dry na dry din ang balat ko dahil sa chemo-therapy. Lagas na rin ang buhok ko na dati'y napakalabong at napakakintab. Naglaho ang aking pisikal na kagandahan.

Nawawalan na ako ng pag-asa. Parang gusto ko nang mamahinga dahil nagsasawa na rin ako sa physical pain na ulit-ulit kong nararanasan. Now, I could no longer get off my bed. I was lying here all day, all night. I was totally useless. I was now bedridden.

There was a time that when I moved my hand, it felt like an electricity attacked me. It was an extreme pain that I could never forget. I was so tortured.