This is not living| Yandere! Eyeless Jack x Reader

Chapter 10

"What makes you happy?'

The question should have been easy to answer, I shouldn't have hesitated like I am right now but I can't seem but to help think about what makes me happy. "I don't-I-" At my obvious hesitation Dr. Foster put a hand up with a charming yet calming smile. "Don't worry, take your time, you're in no rush." I didn't have it in me to tell her I kinda was in a rush. "Close your eyes, think back before all of this and dream of what makes you happy." Swallowing, I do as she says. Letting my eyes fall shut I think about what makes me happy. My photography, Derek, the wedding....Yes, all these things make me happy but...I don't know, do they? I mean, yes they do make me happy but it all feels so different now, like I can't enjoy anything I want anymore because of this....

Snapping my eyes open I glance as Dr. Foster who looks at me with curious eyes. Her red framed glasses resting on top her perfectly curled hair that rests on her shoulders.

"I uh- when I was a kid, I would stand outside for hours on end, listening and watching the earth and sky move by. Everything felt so...therapeutic? Like I was at peace with everything and nothing was wrong in this bitterly grey world."

"Are you waiting for the sun to shine over the grey clouds"

It was almost a weird way to look at it but, "yeah, I am." I glance out the window, the sun hidden behind the clouds with soft rays of light peeking through. It was a  beautiful warm day, or so the weather man said but I don't see it. "Are you waiting for the sun to shine over the grey clouds?" I repeat her words in my head. The sun is shining right now, but it doesn't overlap the grey clouds for what I can see, or feel of the matter. Because there's something taking away, that sunshine away from me, I know it. "I want to be happy, but I don't know how to feel it." Turning my head away from the window I pull one of my legs up, my chin resting on my kneecap with arms wrapping around my leg.

"Is there someone that makes you feel as though you're not able to achieve your happiness?"

"I want to turn my skin in and change it for a new one. It feels like I will never get rid of this heavy lump of sadness that rests inside of me." Maybe I'm dodging the question she asked but It's all I can come up with. "I don't feel right," a small mumble leaves me. "Everything feels like a chore, I don't want to keep living like this, I want to be happy with my own life within my own control but the bad-" I stop halfway, a dull headache worming its way through my skull.   

Dr. Foster shuffles in her spot, one leg uncrossing from the other with her hands folded neatly on her clipboard. She doesn't say anything to my statement, just a curious gaze instead. "So, let me get this correct, you're trying to base your happiness on things that are out of your control?" At my silence she continues. "Y/N, no one is telling on how to live your life, only you get to decide on how to live it, even if it means eating a whole tub of ice cream at 3am." She offers me a soft smile. "You have to focus on your own happiness before you can focus on others needs." Bringing her wrist upwards the click of her tongue catches my ears before writes a little bit in her notebook before closing it and letting it rest on the floor by her feet. "Well, that's all the time left we have for today Y/N." Foster stands up, "I see a lot of progress in you, you're doing well." With an outstretched hand, is when I stood up from the leather sofa. My bag already on my shoulder when I take her hand in a firm handshake. "Thanks, I'll see you next week." She nods her head while opening the office door, "yes, have a good rest of your day Y/N."

"You too."

~~~~

The door shuts behind me with a soft click, a wave of nausea quickly follow after. I need to get home, get out of theses clothes and rest. The thought of it sounds delightful but then I remember one thing. Mum. I never told her about my therapy sessions because she would not in a million years agree to this. So it's hidden for now...well, forever most likely. She wouldn't understand, much less grasp why I go to these weekly meetings.