Unspeakable Pain

Chapter 15

Betty POV

Today I'm going to school and it's the first day in a month I'm not dreading it. Yes, I would rather be in the comfort of my own home but I need to go to school. I have my therapy session today and I'm looking forward to it but I'm also nervous. Well just have to wait and see how it goes. I got ready and put on my blue ripped jeans with my pink t shirt that was tied in the front with a rose in the corner with my black vans and my hair in a top knot.
Just as I was finishing my cereal, Jughead walked in the door.
"Hey babe, you ready?" He asked as he kissed my head.
"Yea, just let me grab my bag and we can go." I ran upstairs and grabbed my backpack, then we headed to school. Toni arrived earlier and told everyone what had happened with Sweet Pea so I wouldn't have to. We went to school and it wasn't too bad. Before I knew it, Jughead was driving me to my therapy appointment.

I walked in and sat down. It felt weird being here. I haven't had to make in appointment in about 6 months, which was an improvement for me.
"Betty, come on in" Dr. Sullivan said to me. I followed her into the room and sat down on the couch. I instinctively put the pillow on my lap and started playing with the edges.
"Where do you want to start?" She asked
"I don't know" I said quietly and looked down.
"How about we start with how you've been in the past 6 months" I nodded and started.
"Um. Jughead and I are still together and he really helps me with my anxiety, that's why I haven't needed any appointments. Whenever I have one of my attacks he talks me through it and helps me calm down, and then he helps me solve the problem."
"It sounds like he's your safe place. Where else would you consider your safe place?" She asked cautiously.
"Um." I thought for a second. "Anytime I'm in his arms I feel safe, well at least now I do. For the past month I was scared." She nodded for me to continue. "All of our friends and I would go to the serpent bar called the Whyte Wyrm, I've told you about it right?"
"You have. You said you love it there because you feel free and like you can be yourself." I laughed sadly and looked down.
"U-um Yea. I used to love it there. But now I'm scared to ever go back." I said starting to tear up.
"May I ask why?" She asked carefully.
"Well, I was tutoring one of our friends every week and he got mad at me one week and then h-he" I started to breathe heavily.
"Deep breaths Betty" she reminded me. I took a deep breath and continued.
"H-he r-raped m-me" I said crying. "He walked into the bathroom and just did it. A-and then he threatened me"
"What did he say" she asked giving me a tissue.
"He said that I couldn't tell Jughead and if I did he would tell Jughead that I seduced him. Then he said who would jughead believe some slut he's known for 2 years or his lifelong best friend." I said composing myself.
"And how did that make you feel?" She asked.
"What? What he said or being raped?" I asked
"Either."
"Well what he said made me feel like I couldn't tell anyone because they wouldn't believe me because he knew Jughead longer." She nodded.
"Did you tell Jughead?" I nodded. "Did he believe you?"
"Yes."
"What else did he say?"
"He said he would never think I'd lie about something that serious and he's sorry I've been going through it alone for a month. It also made him realize why I wouldn't let him touch me anymore." I said crying again.
"So, since your ex-friend raped you, you pushed all the people you love away?"
(Some might think she's being rude, but this is how she gets me talking)
"Yea, I guess"
"Why do you think you did that?" She asked.
"I don't know." I said. Then I realized it. "I pushed them all away because I felt so dirty and violated. It made me feel like I was nothing. Like I was worth nothing. I thought they would all be better off without me." I cried.
"And that's not true. Is it?"
"N-no" I said wiping my tears.
"Exactly. You are a person who has had something traumatic happen to them. YOU did nothing wrong. This is all your ex-friends fault, not yours." She said.
"But I must've done something to cause this. People wouldn't just do this for no reason" I cried.
"Betty, you did nothing to cause this. It is NOT your fault. Sometimes, people do bad things for no reason and then we slowly have to put the pieces back together. And it's hard, and it sucks. But your friends, family, and me will be there every step of the way to help you." She said and it made me feel better knowing it's not my fault.
"Do you think I'll ever be the same girl again?" I asked her sadly.
"That isn't a question I can answer that is a question for yourself." She said. "What do you think?"
"I-I don't know. I'd like to hope so but I feel so broken and empty inside and I don't know how to make it stop" I said crying. "How do I make it stop" I said and looked at her sadly.
"It won't stop immediately. It will take work but little by little, you will start to get happy again. Eventually, this will just be another part of your story. Most often there are six steps to heal from sexual assault. Would you like to know them?" She asked me.
"Yes,please"
"Step one is to open out about what happened to you. Whether it is a family member, a friend, the police, a therapist, it doesn't matter who just someone. Have you accomplished this?" I smiled sadly.
"Yea, I told my friends, my mom, you, and I went to the cops yesterday. They said he'll be in jail for at least a couple years."
"How does that make you feel?" She asked.
"It's scary that one day he'll get out, but Jughead and Sheriff Keller assured me that I can get a restraining order so he can't be near me." I said. And I was telling the truth.
"That's great, I'm proud of you. Step 2 is coping with feelings of guilt and shame. That means realizing it's not your fault and that you did nothing wrong. Have you accomplished this?"
"I'm trying to." I said.
"I would agree. And it's okay that you haven't yet. This trauma is fairly knew and it will take time to heal." She reassured me.
"I know but it's sucks, I can't sleep through the night without having nightmares or flashbacks to that night." I said crying again.
"That brings us to step 3. Step 3 is to prepare and cope with flashbacks and nightmares."
"Is there anything I can do right now to help with those?" I asked hopeful
"If you feel yourself start to tense up or have reactions similar to one of you anxiety or panic attacks, slow down your breathing and use your self soothing techniques."
"Okay, I'll try that."
"We will go over the next 3 steps at your next appointment. Does Thursday at 3:00 work for you?" She asked me.
"Yea, that should be fine."
"Okay, I'll write it down. Until then, try to focus on step 2. Remember that your attacker is the only one to blame. Don't beat yourself up for assuming that your attacker was a decent human being. Your attacker is the one who should feel guilty and ashamed, not you."
"I'll do my best, thank you Dr.Sullivan." I said as I started walking towards the door.
"Betty." I turned back around. "It may not seem like it but you're coping with this very well. You're one of the strongest 18 year olds I know." She said giving me a small smile.
"Thank you, I'm doing my best" I said and sadly left.

"Hey baby, how did it go?" Jug asked cautiously.
"It went well, she said I'm coping with the trauma fairly well and that I'm one of the strongest 18 year olds she knows." He smiled at that. "I love you. I'm sorry for pushing you away."
"Hey don't apologize. You were scared and didn't know what to do. You had a normal human reaction to a traumatic event. And I love you too."

And with that we went home and he cuddled with me until I fell asleep. When I started blaming myself I told myself what Dr.Sullivan said and it helped.

One therapy session down. Many more to go

A/N: I think this is one of my favorite chapters. You will see more of Betty at therapy in the future. I am in NO WAY saying this is how therapy actually goes, it is different for everyone. I also mentioned how she hasn't had to go to therapy in 6 months because it shows how happy and good she was before and how broken his had left her. Make sure to comment and vote! :)