her; Alex Alvarez [discontinued]

[chapter sixteen]

[her; Alex Alvarez]

[this chapter won't have that much Alex stuff in it, but I've been waiting to write this chapter and I think now is a good time to do it.]

"Um dad?"
"Yea kid?"
"I need to talk to you about something. Alex."
"Oh. Uh yeah what's up?"
We walked over to the kitchen table. I pulled out a chair and sat on it. My heart was beating out of my chest and I don't even know why.
"Um, I think I like Alex. Uh last night when I was leaving his room Abuelita confronted me about it. I ended up saying that I like him. Um I didnt really think about it, I just said it. Is- is that what liking someone is like?"
"Fuck. Sorry! Sorry. Um, I've- I dont think ive ever been in love. Um maybe we should call pen?"
"NO no please I'm sorry- I dont want her to get overprotective about it."
"Oh, uh yea that's totally understandable kid."

"Um so basically, you know that feeling we get when we eat moldy or soft cheese? Bleh. Sorry just the thought of it makes me feel gross. Anyways, that's like, how I feel when he hugs me, or I kiss him on the cheek. Stuff like that. Like at Elena's quinces, we held hands while Pen yelled at all the other cubans. It was so frickin scary. What is this shit that I'm feeling??? Sorry for saying shit, I'm just freaking out."

"Listen kid.

When I was still in Canada, before I started doing drugs, I had a crush on this girl named Emily. I was in high school, and I'd do anything to make her happy. I would have killed a thousand men for the pleasure of her smile. Is that how you feel about Alex?""Well, I certainly wouldn't kill a bunch of guys for the pleasure of his smile. I see it everyday. But, I want to make him happy. Dad, i know you dont LOVE it, but I've spent an amazing amount of money on that kid. His mom doesnt give him a lot of money, and it makes him so sad. I spoil him. Because I love to see him happy."

Woah. I just said a lot of things that I had never thought of. It just flowed out of me.

"Woah. I- I think that's what having a crush is like kiddo. Um, this is good though isnt it? Your first crush! I hope. But hey, you're still not old enough to date." 

"I know dad, but it's still scary. I dont even know if he likes me back. Im- I'm scared dad. I have a lot of guy friends but I've never felt for any of them the way I feel for Papito. ITS SO WEIRD!!!!"I had stood up by now, screaming. I was almost crying, hyperventalating. Dad stood up and hugged me. "Hey, it's okay. It's okay. It's a new experience for you. Its okay!" "Thanks dad. Today was intense, so I'm gonna go to sleep.""Alright goodnight kid. Love you.""Love you too."