Chapter 13: I'm Confused

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We sat in the dark and watched a movie. As soon as it ended, Liam and I sat and spoke to each other about random things.

"Good news" I said

"What?" Liam asked

"My car is coming tomorrow" I said excitedly

"Oh.." Liam said in a sad voice

"We can still go to school together" I said as a I  pushed him by the shoulder "How else would I get free Starbucks"

"You're really stupid" Liam jokingly said

"You're idiotic" I said back

Liam stared into my eyes and slowly started leaning in. I knew what was about to happen and I wanted this, I needed this. I leaned in too. We began kissing and it felt like heaven on earth. The way Liam kissed me was magical. The way he smelt was mesmerising. I didn't want my lips to part away from his and he seemed to have the same mindset as me. He grabbed me by my waist and put me ontop of him. I wrapped my arms around him and he wrapped his around my waist. His hands slowly started sliding down to my ass and when he grabbed it, I was immediately turned on. I started kissing him more passionately, running my hands through his hair and running them up and down his chest, I ended up sliding his shirt off. Fuck! Liam is sexy.
He began un-buttoning my shirt and   when he took it off, I remembered my scars. I didnt want him to see them. I immediately stopped and got off him. I put my shirt back on and apologised to Liam.

"Are you okay. I'm sorry I took it too far" Liam said as he stood up and tried holding me

"No, it's fine. It's my fault" I said as I shrugged his hand off me

"Its okay Kenya. We don't have to do this right now."

Liam was still shirtless. His body made me feel so lustful. I wanted Liam so bad. But I didn't want him to see me. I went upstairs, closed my door and got in my bed. I felt bad for leaving Liam like that but I just couldnt let him see my scars.

I was woken up the next morning by a text from Calvin.

Hey beautiful, I miss you. You think we could hang out today? Just me and you:)

I thought about it and I needed time away from Liam. I responded to Calvin's text and asked him what time. He said at 4pm, it was still 9am. I was basically with Liam for half the day. I decided to stay in my room and write down how I feel. I've been confused for some time now and I need to get my thoughts straight

•Liam makes me happy, I've known Liam for a while now. It's obvious he likes me and has developed feelings for me and I do have feelings for him. It's hard to hide them when I live with him. Liam is attractive, his personality is also just everything I would want in a guy. Deep down I know if it wasnt for Violet. I wouldn't mind taking this further with him. I dont want Liam to see my scars. They healed pretty well and a barley visible but I know where they are and I still see them there everyday. I'm afraid of how Liam will see me. It's not only that with Liam. Calvin is also in the picture

●Calvin makes me happy too. He's so goofy and handsome as fuck. Calvin is different from Liam in almost every way, yet he still makes me feel some sort of romance towards him. I think Calvin likes me, sometimes I'm not sure. His emotions change a lot. I only kissed Calvin that one time at the party and he isnt as good as Liam, but its not about kissing. It's about that, if both where to ask me out, who would I feel safer with.

Right now, its Liam.

I felt a bit more relieved now. Writing that out on paper really made a difference, I put the paper in my desk and heard a knock on the door.

"Kenya. I made breakfast" Liam said

"Oh, thanks. I'll be right down"

I washed my face and went downstairs. Liam made me an omelette. We sat down together and started eating. It tasted so good, I didnt want it to finish. I told Liam that I would be going out with Calvin later that day.

"Oh, okay. What time you picking up your car?" Liam asked

" 1 or 2pm is good"

"I'll drive you there" Liam said as he finished the last of his omelette. I took time on mine, savored every bite. When I was done I went into the bathroom to go take a shower. I turned on some cold water first. It's good for my skin if I start off with a cold shower, then a warm one and end  off with a cold one again. I locked the door, undressed my self and stepped in. I put my airpods in my ears, closed my eyes, took a deep breath and relaxed. Liam walked in and started brushing his teeth. I didn't hear or see him enter and it seems like he didnt see or hear me too. My warm shower wasnt that long. When I stepped out and grabbed my towel. I realised I grabbed a really small one.
I looked up just as Liam looked to his side.

"Oh my God!!" I exclaimed

"Holy shit, I'm sorry...I'm umm, umm" Liam said as he covered his eyes but was still peeping through them.

"Stop looking!!!"

"I'm sorry" Liam said

I started shifting away slowly still facing Liam because I couldnt turn around and walk away. My towel was too short and wouldnt cover my backside. As I grabbed the door handle i realised it was locked.

"Wait, how the fuck did you get in here?" I questioned Liam

He pointed at the door that I thought was a cabinet the first time I saw it.

"That door is connected to my room, so the bathroom is connected to my room.

I was shocked and confused as to how we didnt realise that earlier. We've been living together for months and we never noticed that.

"You're telling me you didnt hear or see me?"

"No, I didnt"

I gave Liam a sceptical looked as I unlocked the door and left the bathroom. I got dressed and heard Liam going to take a shower. I went downstairs and put the dishes in the dish washer. Calvin called me and asked if we're still on for later today, I told him yes and he sounded happy.

My decision depends on how my time with Calvin is spent tonight.

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