Uncontrollable feelings [COMPLETED]

Chapter 19 - Teacher's past

Kaori's P.O.V

Her eyes reflected sadness when she looked at me. It wasn't my place to pry into her past if she didn't want to tell me, but part of me wanted to know. The way she took a breath before revealing that she was her girlfriend, tied with the fact that she called her name on that night, sounded like she wasn't over with her yet. Did she still love her?

"Look Kaori, I don't want you to feel like I still love her or anything," tell me you don't... "but I don't. You're the only one that I think about first thing in the morning and last thing before I go to sleep," I blushed.

If there was one thing that I learnt in this trip, it was that Kisaki Minami officially had me wrapped around her finger, stole my heart for good, or however you interpret it, but she made me feel special. Her words were like music to my ears, my stomach was filled with butterflies, and my heart was on the verge of jumping out of my chest.

"Uhm, I, uh, I feel the same..." I had my head down as those words left my mouth like a whisper, but enough so that she could hear it. I took a glance at her and saw that dazzling smile pointed directly at me.

"You really have no idea what you're doing to me," she said, sighing. I could feel an incoming 'but' coming out and I was right, "but I don't want to repeat the same mistake again." Her smile faded away, replaced by sadness.

"W-What do you mean?" I asked.

"I don't want to put you in the same situation as Bea. She was just like you and I can't afford to lose you as well." She replied, her hands held tight together.

I gave a thought about what she said. Why was she talking in past tense? She makes it sound like... oh no...

"Judging by your expression you must have figured it out, didn't you?" Her smile tore me apart, a smile that I knew was forced.

I simply gave her a nod.

"Uhm, if you don't mind, how did she...?"

"It's quite a long story. How about we go for a walk and I'll tell you about it?" She suggested, already standing up.

"Oh, sure."

Once we were outside, we began walking in the park, the cool breeze felt good against my skin.

"So, about Bea, whatever you decide to do afterwards, I won't hate you." Her voice trembled. She cleared her throat and continued, "Anyway, I met her 3 years ago. She was a pure, sweet, and loveable student. Not the smartest, but she was everything I could wish for."

I could see how difficult it was for her to talk about that Bea girl. Her eyes had this sad emptiness that I've never seen before. Was I opening wounds that she wanted to forget again?

She explained how Bea was a girl that was similar to me, but she was more of the 'outgoing' type whereas I was the 'shy' type. The way her eyes lit up for brief moments when she talked about their relationship had my heart aching a bit, and I knew she was avoiding the parts where they were sexually together, but then she suddenly started shaking her head, almost a hint to say that the next part had her completely broken.

"We were happy until..." she paused, taking a breather again, then resumed, "until the school found out."

I don't know how I was feeling. I wanted to hug her, to take her pain away, but was it that easy?

"You see, in the school that I was before, they were very religious. Same sex dating or anything in that category was considered 'wrong'. She was that one student that was scared to come out because of the school and because of her parent's religious upbringings. It was difficult for her and after I gained her trust, we talked over the phone, during lunch time, at cafes on several occasions, and after a while, I developed feelings for her and so did she for me. I knew we were playing with fire, but I was so in love with her that I decided to ignore the forbidden rules of student-teacher relationships."