Resist Me Not

18

I fought with myself the whole cab ride over to Ryan's apartment building. Part of me would think of innocent justifications as to why I was going to see him. While another part of me kept calling me names, like "hussy," "slut," "floozie," or worse. When the doorman outside of Ryan's apartment opened the car door for me, it took me a minute to move my legs.

I paid the cab driver and inched myself towards the entrance of the high-rise building. The doorman, who was probably in his early fifties, dashed over to jump ahead of me to hold the door open. I thanked him, told him who I was and that I was here to see Ryan Herman.

"Ah, yes, he did call down and mention he was expecting you." The man smiled with kind eyes. I wondered if he'd still look at me the same way if he knew that I was engaged to someone else and about to see Ryan on matters that weren't related to work in the slightest.

He called the elevator for me, which was already parked there. It was a charming elevator. Definitely not like the rickety one in my building. Even though Eric and I lived in a decent apartment building, our elevator always scared me. I swore it would break off the pulley system it was attached to, one day. It was just a matter of time.

The doorman pressed the button for the twentieth floor, one level below the penthouse, bid me goodnight, and stepped back into the lobby as the doors closed. I looked at my phone to check the time as the elevator moved through the levels. It was almost nine. I set my phone alarm for eleven so that if I wasn't paying attention to the time, I'd be reminded to leave to get home by one in the morning, at the latest.

My heart raced as I watched the elevator numbers get closer to Ryan's floor. Then it stopped as the elevator pinged, announcing I had arrived at my destination. As the doors automatically slid open, I hesitated for a moment about stepping out. If I stepped over the line, then there was no turning back.

"Hi," Ryan greeted softly, appearing just outside the elevator, startling me.

"Hi!" I felt like my voice strained to let out such a simple word.

He placed his hand against the elevator door to prevent it from closing. I took the sight of him in. He looked like he had just taken a shower. He was wearing a Yankee's t-shirt with a pair of black basketball shorts, and no shoes. His hair was falling naturally, like it had the day we left Salt Lake City. Seeing him this way, actually made me relax a bit. Though, now I felt slightly overdressed myself.

"Are you going to come out of the elevator?" His question simple, yet it felt like that hardest question on the hardest exam of my life.

I didn't respond with words. I had to mindfully move one foot forward and repeat the action with my other foot until I was out of the elevator and standing next to Ryan. He removed his hand from the door, and it instantly shut. The elevator promptly rode itself back down to its home in the lobby.

Ryan led the way around the corner towards his apartment. We passed three other apartments on his floor, so I knew that it meant that his apartment was going to be large, at least in comparison to mine. He opened his door and allowed me to step in first. It was very spacious, with a semi-open concept. The floors were made of beautifully stained wood. Though there were two large, simple area rugs. One in the living room and the other in the dining area. They complimented his choice of simple furniture. Which was vastly different from the lush furniture that was in his office.

"Would you like the grand tour?" He noticed I was scanning my surroundings with great interest. I couldn't help it, it was the architect in me. I loved seeing all the different layouts that were possible in such a small place.

"Yes, please." I nodded. Ryan asked to take my coat and hung it up in the closet next to us. I could feel his eyes looking me over. I looked at him and saw almost a twinkle of a smile on his face. "This is your living slash dining room, I take it?" I went on, trying to ignore his gaze growing hungry.