but do we dare split apart? // ig // gawsten/pawsten

seventy ⭐️ revisiting the brown bread

tw grieving and a cemetery setting

London, The Cost Of My Emotions world tour.

AWSTEN stared out the window of the tour bus, his hand gently placed on his husband's lap. GEOFF flips a page in the book he's invested in, definitely not paying any attention to a building they will pass.

AWSTEN: Geoff?

GEOFF: Yeah?

AWSTEN: We're gonna come up to Dominic's apartment building.

GEOFF puts down his book, then intertwines his fingers with Awsten's.

GEOFF: Are we?

AWSTEN: Yes.

OTTO, who is driving, overhears their conversation.

OTTO: Do y'all want to stop there?

AWSTEN looks at GEOFF, who shrugs.

AWSTEN: It's the place where you told me you loved me for the first time.

GEOFF: It is, isn't it? [to OTTO] Sure, go ahead.

OTTO: Alrighty.

At the apartments.

Everyone exits the vehicle, mostly to get a picture in their head of the place that the couple have previously discussed.

The married couple walk to the spot where they vandalized the ground with permanent marker shortly after Geoff expressed his feelings.

AWSTEN: [points to the G+A written on the ground] Babe, look! It's still here!

GEOFF: Aww. [wraps his arm around AWSTEN's waist] I can't believe it's been four years since this.

AWSTEN: Four years and we're married.

GEOFF: Yeah.

Awsten leans his head on Geoff's shoulder as the other five join them.

JAWN: What's this? [looks at the ground] Is that y'all's?

AWSTEN: Duh.

SYDNEY: What? I wanna see!

She takes in the crummy handwriting that lays in the cement.

SYDNEY: Papa must've written this.

GEOFF: I did.

AWSTEN: He did it because he told me he loved me, and he wanted to prove it by vandalizing property.

PATTY: That sounds like some teenage relationship shit.

AWSTEN: Geoff was still relatively stupid at the time.

GEOFF: Stupid for you.

JUDI: That song slaps harder than Patty slaps my ass.

AWSTEN: [pulls away from GEOFF; to JUDI] You ruined the moment.

PATTY: Our niece is here, too.

JUDI: [to SYDNEY] Sorry.

SYDNEY: It's okay, I'm used to not listening to you anymore.

Everyone chuckles, that is, except for JUDI.

JUDI: You're a poopoo head.

PATTY: [grabs her hand] Let's go back to the bus before you embarrass yourself further.

Everyone leaves after they take a photo with the simple words written on the concrete.

GEOFF: [to AWSTEN] Do you wanna go visit Dom?

AWSTEN: Why would I?

GEOFF: Because you're my husband and I'll need you for emotional support.

AWSTEN: You know how I felt about him.

GEOFF: He was my best friend, and at some point, my boyfriend.

AWSTEN: That's exactly my point.

GEOFF: Don't you at least feel guilty for having a part in his murder?

JUDI: [from far away] What?!

AWSTEN: We did not take part in his murder.

GEOFF: Whatever. Will you come with me or not?

AWSTEN: I'll consider it.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

AWSTEN: Geoff?

GEOFF: Yeah?

AWSTEN: Will you hold my hand? This place gives me shivers.

GEOFF: Of course. [grabs his husband's hand]

They find their way to Dominic's grave.

GEOFF: This is it. [bends down to place new flowers in his pot] Fuck, I didn't think it would be this hard. [sniffles] The last time I saw him, we hurt him. I never imagined it would end like this.

AWSTEN: [grabs GEOFF'S hand again] It's okay.

GEOFF: If we hadn't done that, he wouldn't have died.

AWSTEN: The guy basically said they were going to kill him anyway. It's not our fault, babe. Don't forget he treated us like shit.

GEOFF: Just because he treated us poorly, that doesn't mean he deserved to be murdered.

AWSTEN: I know, and I apologize for saying that.

GEOFF begins to weep as he stares at the name engraved in the headstone.

GEOFF: Can I have some time alone?

AWSTEN: Of course. I'll be waiting in the chapel.

GEOFF: Okay.

AWSTEN leaves him.

GEOFF: [sits down] Hey, Dom. I'm sorry for bringing Awsten; I know you didn't like him. [wipes his eyes] We got married a few months ago. I wish you could've been there... I wish you could still be here today. I wish I could be visiting you and not your grave. [sniffles] I miss you so much. [begins to break down; covers his face with his hands] I'm so sorry we did that to you. I'm so sorry. [wipes his face then pulls his hands down] I love you so, so much. I miss you all the time. I feel like it's my fault that you died. I feel like if we hadn't hurt you, you wouldn't have been... taken away from us. I'm sorry I couldn't attend your funeral, either. It was selfish of me for not going. I hope you're doing fine, wherever you are. I love you.

He gets up and leaves.

⭐️⭐️⭐️

i feel bad for the title bc it's informal but i liked it bc brown bread is a cockney term

~ryan