[WARNING: ANGST, AND TOPICS OF ATELOPHOBIA ]
...
atelophobia (n.) the fear of imperfection or not being good enough.
_____________________________________________________
Lance didn't know why he called Keith. He didn't bother cleaning his house, or anything. He drove home in an absent state of mind, reached his apartment with the tears and dark thoughts trailing behind him, praying he could hold himself together.
He slammed his door, leaving it unlocked. He didn't want to be alone.
He collapsed on his bed, feeling the voice begin to stir awake again.
He just wanted to be held.
He wanted someone to tell him what James had said wasn't true. That it was going to be okay. He needed the reassurance.
The voice in his head had duplicated, mimicking the voices of the people who had ever doubted him.
Hated him.
Hurt him.
Don't smile at me son, change.
I never loved you Lance, you should have seen that.
Don't be foolish.
Stupid.
Desperate.
Raw, dark, pain. Screeching at him.
He covered his mouth as the fear rose from the bottom of his stomach, hot tears trickling fast. He couldn't breathe.
He fumbled for his phone, Keith's number a glowing oasis.
"Lance? What's up?" Keith's voice was hoarse, his breathe quick and short. He must've just finished his run.
" I- keith-" Lance's voice broke as a fresh wave of fear hit him. Keith wouldn't accept him. No one would.
"Lance? Are you okay? What's going on?"
Keith's voice seemed to warm Lance, a little. For a split second. Before the cold voices chilled his heart.
"I- I'm s-scared, please-" he couldn't finish the sentence. It was too much, he started sobbing. He wanted Keith here. He needed Keith.
But why?
When had Keith ever meant anything to Lance?
"I'm on my way."
The call ended, Lance gripping the phone as the voices grew louder. Voices he hadn't heard in so long. Voices he had forgotten about, with years of therapy and grasping his own emotions.
Fear.
James' words had triggered a relapse. They had tripped a wire. And Lance was falling.
Young, alone, scared, atelophobic Lance, trying his hardest to please everyone and anyone. Leaving him alone to stare at his own broken, abused heart. Wanting to mend everyone else's.
You will never be treated like you want to be treated. No matter how well you treat others.
The world is cruel, you don't belong here.
Stop pretending this is a fantasy. Dreams don't come true.
Not here.
Not with you.
YOU ARE READING
Hot Mess ~Klance Modeling Au
Romance[ COMPLETED] Keith's jaw dropped as his heart stopped. The electricity flowing through him felt like static as he turned to Lance. Lance's arms were around him quick, pulling him close and lifting him up. Keith saw Lance spin him around but he coul...
