Hide Away Feelings (Why Don't We x Reader)

13) I Don't Like Swimming [6/4]

[Trigger Warning: Mentions of abuse]

Y/N’s P.O.V.

(They pulled into a parking spot and started to unload from the cars)

Immediately Zach had engulfed me in a hug. His arms wrapped around my waist, and mine wrapped around his neck. He held me very tight, and my breathing started to falter.

“Zach, I like to breathe,” I gasped. 

“Sorry,” he said, letting go of me. I reached into my car and grabbed my phone and went to reach for a towel, but then remembered I forgot one. 

“Fuck!” I said, quite loudly. “Oh, sorry Lavender,” I said, covering my mouth. 

“What?” Daniel asked. 

“I forgot a towel, and I want to tan, but I don’t want to lay on the sand,” I groaned. 

“I brought towels,” he said gestering to the stack of towels in the trunk. I ran into his arms.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” I said, sway me and him. 

“You asked me to grab water and other things, so I figured towels would be smart,” We both started laughing. We walked over to the drunk and I grabbed the towels, while he grabbed a cooler. 

“Hey Zach?” Jack asked.

“Yes?” Zach responded.

“Will you grab Lav’s diaper bag?” Jack asked. 

“Yeah,” Zach said, walking over to the door of the car. He grabbed the handle and pulled, opening the door. He reached in and grabbed the bag. He closed the door and Jack locked the car. I locked my car and we started to walk to the beach. 

Once we got there I set down the towels, and Daniel set down the cooler. I grabbed the towel from the top and laid it down on the sand. I took off Jack’s hoodie and folded it up as a little pillow. I set it down on my towel and laid down. Feeling the sun on my skin was nice. 

“Aren’t you gonna get in,” Dani asked. I jumped,

“No, I don’t like swimming,” I sighed. The reality was I didn’t know how, and I wanted an excuse to tan so that’s why I suggested a beach day. I felt the sand shift around me so I opened my eyes. Dani had put a towel down next to me, and sat on it. I sat up and leaned against him. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Not as beautiful as you,” he said. 

“You’re the first person to directly say something like that to me. Some of the other boys have said it, but they didn’t want me to hear, so they whispered it,” I said. I started rubbing my neck. Dani grabbed my hand, 

“Don’t feel nervous,” he said. I looked at him and smiled. He smiled back, his tooth gap is so precious. “You know, they’re all in love with you, and I see why. You’re gorgeous, funny, interesting, and you keep up a chase,” 

“What do you mean I, ‘Keep up a chase’?” I was confused. 

“Well, you haven’t made a move on any of them, but I know for a fact that they have all made a move on you,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Corbyn hasn’t made a move!” I said, defending myself. He raised an eyebrow at me. 

“So what happened in the car wasn’t a move?” He looked at me with a judgy expression. 

“How do you know about that?” I was astonished. Zach thought we were just singing along to a song, so how could Dani have known that about what happened.

“Well, when I looked into your car at the beginning of the ride, just to make sure everything was going good, I saw your hand was over on Corbyn’s side of the car, at first I thought you were just reaching in the glove box, but when your hand stayed there I started to assume. And then, I saw his head go flying back into the headrest, and I immediately knew what was going on,” he shrugged. 

“Okay, so Corbyn made a move. But Jack and Jonah haven’t!” I was determined to convince him otherwise. 

“Jonah took you to his favorite coffee shop, and Jack took you to the movies,” damn, he was straight on his facts. 

“Okay, how do you know all of these things? I haven’t told anyone. Well, besides going to the movies with Jack. Jonah knew about that one,” 

“Well, young one, we all tell each other everything. Zach literally walked into Jonah’s room while Jonah, Corbyn, and I were talking about music. He literally told us everything. In detail. Very awkward. And then after you and Jack got back from the movies, Jack blew up the groupchat talking about it. Even the fake kiss. After Jonah and your coffee date, when you were waiting for him to get out of your guys room, he was texting us about the whole thing. Yeah, we all know about everything. The only person that hadn’t gotten to spend time with you, other than me, was Corbyn. That’s why I figured you wanted to ride with him in your car. What I didn’t expect was for you two to get frisky disky,” he gasped for breath as he finished his long expedition of how every guy had made a move on me, beside him. 

“First off, wow, betrayal. And second, are you gonna make a move on me next? Because at this point I’m pretty sure that I’m in love with all five of you and-” I cut myself off. “Shit-shit-shit-shit-shit! You were not supposed to know that. Fuck, what am I supposed to do now!” I baried my head in my hands, I could feel an anxiety attack coming on this time, so it was a lot easier to calm down. 

I breathed in for four seconds, held it for seven, and then breathed out for eight. I then look around the beach for 5 things I can see: Daniel, Corbyn, Jonah, Jack, and Zach. 4 things I can touch: towel, sand, Dani, and Jack’s hoodie. 3 things I hear: The waves lapping at the beach, Dani’s breathing, and people talking all around us. 2 things I can smell: salt and fish. 1 thing I can taste: the salty air. I breathe in one more time, and am officially calmed down.

“What was that about?” Dani asks, genuinely concerned.

“I just calmed myself down from an anxiety attack,” I said proudly.

“Wait, how come you didn’t do that in the car?” 

“Because in the car I was having a panic attack. Those are a lot harder to calm myself down during.  I have to feel something physical in order for those to calm down. That’s why I use a needle to poke myself. The physical pain brings me down from the memories, which are mental pain,” I explained. He nodded his head along. 

“Wait, why do you have the panic attacks? Like what causes them?” I could tell he actaully cared, and wanted to know. 

“Well, when I was born, my mom died. It was a case where she couldn’t push me out of her vagina, so she had to have a c-section, and she ended up dieing. I don’t know what went wrong exactly because my dad would never tell me. He always said I was too young, but apparently I was old enough to be called a murderer for it. But he ended up dieing when I was ten. After he died I lived with my grandparents until I was done with college. But the entire time I lived with them my grandma was really abusive. If I got too loud, or opinionated she would hit me. Somtimes she would hit just because she could, because she knew I couldn’t do anything about it. And she was right, but when he could, my grandpa stuck up for me. He was everything to me. It really got to me when he died, but now she’s dead too, so I guess it makes up for it a little bit,” I had started rubbing my neck, and I was trying to breathe. I felt something prick my finger and my eyes flew open. 

“It looked like you needed it,” Dani said, holding up a small, broken seashell. We smiled at each other. Damn it he’s cute.