Kickstart My Heart

XXXI: Kickstart My Heart

Lila

The reflection staring back at me in my bathroom mirror was a tired one. I was tired and to be completely honest in dire need of a real vacation. Alas that wasn't realistic at the present moment - I had a funeral to attend.

"Lila, the longer you stand there and stare at yourself in the mirror the harder it's going to be for you to actually leave," Taylee said from her seat by my bedroom window.

"I know, I know. I'm just... not sure if I'm ready for this," I grumbled, finally giving in and pulling my hair up.

"I'm sure the wound will stay there for awhile. But telling Logan was the right thing. A secret like that would have destroyed your bond."

I could only meet Taylee's gaze for but a moment before looking down at my hands resting on the granite counter top.

"Yes I uh, I lost a patient. The night of your accident actually," I said, gripping the edge of the couch cushion to keep myself grounded.

"But you're the best surgeon in the country I-"

Logan's words froze in her throat as she very clearly made the connection.

"My... it was... was it my..."

My partner was obviously struggling to find her words now. With a frog in my own throat the most I could manage was a defeated nod as I took her hand in mine, squeezing hard in an attempt to comfort her.

"Logan hear me when I say this, please. Lila did everything she could to save your Dad. As much as we wish we were, we aren't gods," Taylee spoke softly, the sadness creeping into her tone as she rested a gentle hand on Logan's shoulder.

"His injuries were too extensive. I... I couldn't save him," I whispered looking at the floor now in what I could only call shame.

"But that doesn't mean she didn't give it her all to try," Taylee affirmed confidently.

Though there were tears welling in Logan's beautiful eyes she caught me off guard by wrapping me in a hug. I was surprised but she held me so tight I could only feel comforted as I hugged her back.

"I'm so sorry, Lila. I can't imagine the hurt you've been having to face alone," Logan whispered in my ear, her tears dampening my cheek.

Telling Logan that I had failed to save her dying father was hands down the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. But I know in my heart, had I not told her it would have eaten me alive.

"Maybe the funeral will give you both a sense of closure," Taylee suggested, looking up from her phone at me again.

"We can only hope so," I muttered.

I had finally done up my white button up, pulling my black blazer on over the top of it.

"Who knows how Martha is going to take both of us showing up, though."

"She'd be crazy to turn her daughter away from her own father's funeral. Plus your mother and father will be there too, I would hope she would behave with them there," my best friend said with a raised eyebrow directed at her phone now.

"Who are you so interested in texting all of a sudden," I asked with a smirk.

Taylee flipped me the bird as her face turned a bright shade of red.

"Is it that guy you met at the club a couple weeks ago," I teased, folding my arms now.

"No! He had a foot fetish I was nowhere near comfortable with," she gagged, looking ready to puke.