Caged Nightingale

Part 13- Atif

I wake up early. Its an effort to get out of bed and not do what i really want to, which is to pull saara close and then see what happens next.
As i turn my head, i swear my heart stops. The sight of Saara in bed with me is nothing short of a miracle. My chest expands exponentially. Lying on her side, pillow tucked into her neck. Her skin is glowing, even in this dim light.  Long black lashes fanned out leave the slightest shadows on her cheeks. Soft, supple lips made for kissing. I want to trace the bow of them so desperately. A stand of her hair has fallen across her face.  Resisting this feeling of compulsion to reach out and touch it, move it away, i force my hands to stay by my side.
I am lying in bed next to Saara, married to Saara. Fighting every instinct to touch her, i remind myself of how lucky i am.
Don't mess this up, i tell myself.
Suppressing a sigh, i slip out of bed quietly, not wanting to disturb her.

How i kept my hands off her last night- i just don't know. All i wanted to do was take her- i know enough about women to know her words werent quite convincing, she wouldn't have resisted me. The only consolation was she was as restless as me. I could hear her shifting beside me. Turning one way then another. Her body taught from frustration. Just the thought now excites me.
Instead, I take a cold shower then go down and meet with zain and mohsin. Over breakfast, we discuss my itinerary for the day. There are a few things I need to sort out with regard to the land boundaries and hunting trips coming up this year, but nothing urgent.
I'm leaving tomorrow morning in the early hours. That way I can slip into the office and pick up my life when my assistant Hassan hands it back to me. Back to the city, back to the real world. Usually I'm impatient to get on with things in the office. I like to be hands on and be in the mix. I don't like the idea of leaving things. But today there is sluggishness to my preparations. I can't really make up my mind. I should leave tonight but i'm making excuses to avoid committing to travel arrangements.

Saara and I have been invited to have dinner with a local judge who happens to be one of our witnesses at the wedding. I should agree, it could be useful in the future but I think about Saara's face and think better of the idea. 'Tell him I'm leaving this afternoon, but we can arranege something in a couple of weeks. We'd love to host a dinner with the judge and his wife." Hassan my PA is on speakerphone taking notes.

'Not a problem, I'll return his call.' He says "everything is fine here. Nothing to report, Just having a lazy weekend.' I know this this code for he hasn't left my house and is keeping a low profile as me. ' There have been a number of messages from Miss Anum. . . ' his voice trails off . Albeit there have been. I haven't really spoken to her since last week and have no intention of doing so any time soon.

'I'll have to call you back" I say as I see Saara walk into the room. she stops when she sees me on the phone, but I gesture for her to come and eat with me. Both Zain and Mohsin leave discretly nodding to Saara as she approaches the table.

Breakfast is laid out and she sits and looks at me. 'I feel like I'm imposing,' she says 'I'm not interrupting am I?'

I shake my head and gesture to the food. 'Please.'

She's about to eat when she stops and looks at me. 'I've given some thought to what you said last night. I really do appreciate everything you have done for me. The risks you've taken are not lost on me.' I'm waiting for the 'but' which seems inevitable and already have a counter argument ready when she suprises me. 'I realised I don't actually know anything about you.' she looks away as if she is embarrassed to admit the fact. 'Perhaps we should start there."

She looks back up at me uncertainly and I can't help but smile. She is instantly at ease. I see her shoulders relax.

'You're right' I say sighing. 'we should atleast try and learn more about each other. what do you want to know?'

we spend the morning in the lounge talking. She asks about my life, what i do for work, what my friends are like. My hobbies and past times, my family. The strange thing is she seems to really listen. There is a temptation to try and embellish, or omit things I think she may or may not like. But I said I would tell her truth and I mean it.
There is something bigger that has bought her to me. It isn't a coincidence that our paths have crossed. I could do everything in my power to try and push things in my favour. But somewhere in the recesses of  my mind i instinctually feel like i should tell the truth, without fear of offending her. 

'You may say I'm unscrupulous!" I say and wait for her reaction. 'I've done underhand things to secure the deals I want. In some cases it felt like the only option.'

'How underhand?' she asks looking out of the window.

'well, I'm not above blackmail, coercion, brute force if needed.' I watch her reaction to see if she's adverse to the idea. If she's shocked she hides it well.

' The prince of darkness is a gentleman.' she says and sighs, then turns to me. 'Atleast you're honest about it!' and then smiles. 'Will you use blackmail, brute force and coercion with me, if I suddenly decide I don't like you?' There is mischief in her eyes and I know she's teasing me.

"I don't know' I say as casually as possible 'I've got a feeling you might like it!' we laugh together and I realise its the first time I've heard her laugh. It's a soft sound and I find myself enjoying the mellifluous tone. A small part of me feels proud that i can make her smile.

'You're funny!' she says "I bet you really are a ladies man. Under that serious, steely facade is a cheeky boy!' She gives me a sideways glance to see if I'm listening and then winks at me. My chest feels light and I realise I'm beginning to relax.

'Wow that really is a back handed compliment if I've ever heard one. sounds like you might just be flirting with me." I say and nudge her with my elbow.

'How can you be so arrogant?' she says "Has it ever occoured to you that you may not be able to charm me?' she says tauntingly and now she is facing me. Her chin raised a little in definance. 'I'm not saying I'm not charmed, but there could have been a possibility that I wasnt going to fall at your feet in idol workship.'

'No. absolutely not.' I say and laugh. 'You see even if you deny it, your body is saying something different.'

'Really?' she says putting her hands behind her back. 'which finger am i holding up right now?!'

I can't help but laugh at her wit. 'I'd be more than obliging' I say and step closer into her personal space looking down into her eyes. 'may I?' I ask as I place my hands on her shoulders and feel her stiffen under my touch. 'relax,' I say and notice she makes an effort to loosen the tension in her shoulders. I turn her to face the window so that she is facing her own reflection and come up behind her.

'Ok, when was the last time you were intimate with someone?' I ask with raised eyesbrows.

her mouth drops and she scoffs before she turns to look over her shoulder at me 'when was the last time you had sex?' she says in outrage.

'Tuesday." I reply without a second thought. I stare into her eyes, see the disbelief there. "I'm not going to lie to you." I say again. She looks straight at me, as if she is really seeing me. I give her a few more seconds before I continue. 'And the whole time I couldn't stop thinking about you." I say hoping she can see the burning hunger in me.