Here is an alternative chapter. It did t quite fit the ending I wanted but let me know what you think
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Its suprisingly mild, even the rain is warm. We laugh as we climb to the top of the street before I pull Saara into an alleyway as it begins to come down harder. Advocates Close. With stunning views over the city. We stand there looking out over the landscape. Hundreds of lights twinkling in the indigo sky. She stands against the other wall, opposite me, but we're both mesmerised by the beauty of the city at night. The Gothic silhouettes here are van gof's madness.
We stand, suspended in time for a while before I turn to Saara and smile.
Its been an eventful day. Our last day together.
Saara's agent found her a buyer for the flat. This was unexpected, I didn't even realise she was selling up. I can't believe it happened so quickly. She was quiet after the call and said simply: 'It didn't feel like home anymore."
But now stood here, opposite each other I can see the beauty of the situation. We may be facing the same direction but that doesn't mean we will walk the same path. Saara is and always will be a dream, a fantasy. In my darkest moments I know her memory will bring me great comfort.
Surprisingly, I've learnt an important lesson: I am incapable of forcefully taking the thing I want the most. I can't do it. Won't. I'd rather let Saara go if that makes her happy. And that's how I realise I really love her. More than anything else, including myself. It's a revelation to me. But with this I find peace. A calm that I haven't felt in the last few weeks
Looking at her now, makes something ache inside. Her face is glowing, with a slight flush from the running, she pushes a few stray strands of hair behind her ear and smiles in wonder at the nightscape.
I lean forward and pull her under my arm, into a half hug and kiss her head.
She looks up quizzically.
"For everything!" I say. Again she frowns, knitting her eyebrows together. I look back over the glittering lights. Its a perfect moment.
The anxiety, worry, uncertainty is gone and I feel a calm descend on me. A perfect end. The rain continues. It trickles down the cobbled bricks. Down the alleyway and away.
We are like this rain, we may split and meet again one day. Life bought us together so unexpectedly, it will again. I know it.
There we stand, together. Silently. The tinkling of the rain, the sparkle of the lights in the night sky and my aching heart.
She squeezes her arms around my waist reassuringly and I smile in response. A smile that hurts and hides the tightening in my chest. Fuck. It hurts. I've known all along, it was going to end and yet... it doesn't lessen the pain.
She steps back, pulling away and looks up at me. Her eyes glistening in the dark.
'I'm so sorry!" She whispers. But her words echo down the arched brick alleyway and I can't quite meet her eyes. Perhaps it's self preservation that stops me from looking back at her. Or in that moment shame, she will be able to see the desperation in me. The indignity of me not wanting to let her go or hear the words I am dreading despite my harrowing self deceiving claims just moments before.
' I've caused you so much trouble-' she says, looking down at my chest and then up at me. 'I don't have the words to tell you what you mean to me. You saved me' she says and reaches up to take my face in her palm. I close my eyes and place my forehead against hers.
'I want to ask you something. One more thing.' She whispers drawing me closer, so I am able to feel her breath next to my ear. ' do you think you could love us?'
Im not sure what she means. All I hear is hope. My mind a mush, unable to comprehend what I am hearing. I looking down at her questioningly, almost afraid I have misheard.
'Us?'
'Yes, me and our baby.' She says tentatively. 'I want us to be a family. I wanted to come back and make sure i wouldn't regret it.' She looks searchingly at my face. 'But I've realised Being with you is 'home,' she says. 'It doesn't matter where we are.'
Such welcome and unexpected news feels alien. This whole time I've been bracing myself for the worst and now... now it seems like everything I've ever wished for is coming true.
The best days are still to come
YOU ARE READING
Caged Nightingale
RomanceHe saw her for perhaps seconds, across a filled room, even then she had managed to stop time. Customers, sales assistents and even security, all frozen. Eyes followed the group across the shop floor and down the elevator. Captivated. 3 men: tall, d...
