Caged Nightingale

41- Atif

Trigger warning
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I can't fucking believe her. Sitting there telling everyone our relationship isnt real. How can she be so cavalier about it all? A thick awkward silence descends on the table and everyone seems to look away, anywhere but at each other or us.
After what feels like the longest minute in history, someone finally breaks the silence and tries to redirect the conversation to safer waters.
'So you help shift funds around and hide some- to avoid tax?' Someone asks. I hear a tut of disapproval from someone else across the table, but cant quite bring myself to tear my eyes away from Saara. Sitting there making a point of ignoring me!
'I'm not legally allowed to say yes to that question!' She says quietly and makes everyone laugh.
They start asking about investments and she offers to speak to them privately about possible portfolio options at another time.
'Wow, i can see why you like her!' Says ranj, who is an entrepreneur. 'She knows money- that is sexy.'
'Yes there is something very sexy about making money' she concedes. 'I don't dabble in high risk investments anymore though.'
They continue to ask her more questions and seem genuinely interested. The awkward moment seems to have passed. 'I'm hearing some exciting news about pharmaceuticals, especially in canada.' She says ' that's where I'd invest my money.' A thoughtful silence settles amongst the group.
I cant help but feel begrudged. Yousef a business associate, gives me a pointed look and tilts his head at Saara. As if suggesting I'm being rude. I know I'm being juvenile, with my sulky silence but can't help it. I can't even bring myself to smile. I ignore him and focus on eating. Giving my plate of food more attention than it deserves. I chew slowly, not even tasting it. Seething inside.

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"Man your wife is my fucking wet dream come true!' Says Ayaan in a low voice in my ear, hugging me and shaking my hand as he's leaving, his wife Minal rolls her eyes and grabs him by the ear before dragging him out. I can't help but grin.
Sana is hugging Saara. 'Ayla, make sure you call me next week. We'll do lunch!' And she pulls me down into a hug and whispers 'don't be a dick!' Into my ears. 'I like her!' Her eyes are sparkling as she turns to leave. I grunt in response.
The door hasn't even shut before i turn to find Saara standing in the middle of the lounge glaring at me.
She turns to leave, before i run up behind her and grab her arm swinging her around to face me.
'Don't touch me!' She says in a low voice and tries to pull her arm away.
'What the fuck was that?!' I say pointing to the garden. 'Temporary fixture?' I know I'm shouting but i can't help it. My muscles are tense and i know i must look pissed off.
'Don't talk to me.' She says and shakes her head, waiting for me to let her go.
It only makes me even more mad.
'Ready to walk away already?!' I say sardonicaly. 'Then you can claim I was a little adventure you had with a bad boy?' I know I'm taunting her, purposefully and shamelessly baiting her.

She gasps.

'Its true isnt it?!' I say. Even listening to my own voice, i can tell i sound petty.
'Don't-' She says turning to walk away as i grab her elbow. 'Dont you dare judge me by your low standards!' coming face to face with me again.
'Low? Oh you have no idea how low I can go!' I say scoffing as if I was waiting for her to say that. Her conceite makes my blood boil. There it is just under the surface. Waiting.
'Its not real!' She says through gritted teeth, lifting her arms into the air in frustration and that's when i finally lose my shit.

'Say that I again.' I say in a low voice. Stepping in closer, till I'm towering over her, then letting my voice drop dangerously low I say "Go on. I fucking dare you!'

She takes a step forward, right into my face and says 'It's. not. fucking. real!' Keeping her face passive.
As she begins to turn away, I pull her towards me, grabbing at her elbow with more force than I intend. When i feel a flash of pain across my face.
We stare at each other in shock horror. Suspended in time: Saara with her hand covering her mouth at her own temerity and me with my face burning from where she slapped me.

She begins to back away, but i grab her again, swinging her around just as she trips and falls over the corner of the coffee table onto the sofa. I try to grab for her sleeve as she falls -to catch her, but i'm too late. As i reach out to see if she's ok, she kicks my hand away. Then we are struggling. she's thrashing wildly at me and I try to pin her arms down. This drives her even more insane and she tries to pull her wrists out of my hold, struggling as I hold her waist and hips down with my thighs, literally sitting on top of her.

'Get off me!' she screams.
my mind is racing and I am trying to think of a way to defuse the situation. I'm not mad at her, I'm mad at this shitty situation. She screams to let her go again, but instead of losening my grip, I tighten it. Holding her wrists in a vice like grip on either side of her head.

I see the gold flecks blazing in her eyes and fury in her words as she gains a little composure and says in a more controlled voice. 'I hate you!' and then in a slower voice looking right into my eyes 'It's. not. real!'

The last of my patience finally snaps. I let go of her and begin to open my belt and jean buttons. she stares at me confused, lost for words. unsure about what I'm doing. I clip my fingers in the waistband of her jeans and pull them away in one go. she gasps and begins kicking at me. But her resistance is nothing compared to my power. I grab her ankles and slide her across the leather sofa effortlessly, opening her thighs before I slam into her. She's slashing at my chest as i grab her, pin her down with my upper body. she gasps and stops resisting, when she feels me fill her. As I still inside her and look down into her face, into her eyes. Through gritted teeth i say 'Is this real enough for you?'

She moans and I feel her resistance wane immediately. she looks up at me, her eyes already glazing over with desire. Her breathing is shallow and she is wet. She gasps as i pull out little before rocking back into her.
'Stop fucking pretending. Stop hiding from me- from yourself!' I say in her ear. Then my lips are crushing hers and she opens up to me, so I slip my tongue inside her mouth and she groans, her legs wrap around my hips, pulling me deeper inside her and she arches her back as I withdraw and then thrust into her again. They are angry punishing movements. I anchor her to me by pressing one hand down on her hip bone and the other pulling at her shoulder. Even like this i can't resist her- i know its the same for her. She gasps my name and digs her nailed into my back, urging me on. But I'm not going to give into the building tension. Not yet.
In one fluid movement, I lift myself off my knees and turn to sit up against the back of the sofa, letting her straddle me. I touch the side of her face and move the hair behind her ear. she rubs her cheek against my hand and opens her eyes to look at me. I let my hands slide down her arms to the sofa beside me, surrendering to her.
She looks down, her eyes searching my face. her hair disshelved, lips swollen, the outlines of her nipples hard through her shirt. Even the sight of her smooth, white thigh clamped around my own coarse haired, sinewed leg is beautiful.

'I'm in love with you Saara. you complete me- and its absolutely fucking agony.' Just saying the words out loud makes me nervous. But I've known for a few days now. This feeling in my chest, that tightens everytime she's around. The way my thoughts meander when I'm not with her. I can't taste food, time passes too slowly when we are apart. It's a sweet sweet agony.

I see a tear fall slowly down her cheek and she looks away from me, wiping it with the back of her hand 'why?' she says in a small voice 'Its not real.' She repeats in a small voice and I hear the wobble in her words. But she looks so lost, i close my eyes as i cant bare to see the pain there. Why wont she accept what's in front of her?

'-you're the only real thing in my life." I say, lifting her chin. "I know this thing between us feels real! I know that when you're with me, i feel satisfied and for the first time in my sad fucking life, i feel like I can breath.' I say and realise I mean it. She looks at me from under hooded wet eyelashes. 'I know we're different, we couldnt be more different-'

'-No.' she says 'All this week, I couldn't help thinking that we are more alike than anything else.'

Her words feel like air to a suffocating man. I lean forward to rest my head on her shoulder and let out a shaky breath.

She holds me, stroking my hair and neck, kisses me softly, slipping her tongue into my mouth and pulling her arms around my shoulders. Then we make love. Really make love. Looking into her eyes, I see my own reflection. Uncertainty and vulnerability. Its all there. The truth is laid out bare between us. No hiding now