Caged Nightingale

Part 18- Saara

Its mid afteernoon when I see atif look at his phone suspicously. He frowns at the number on his screen before he answers it. Then with a sigh he mouths 'Ali' to me. I'm pleasantly surpised and excited to speak to him. I motion for him to hand me the phone and he does so but with the slow provocative motion that he knows will annoy me. He's calling from a colleagues phone and tells me what I've been dreading to hear; that he's still being followed and he is acting with as much caution as possible, he hasn't even told his wife about me and Atif and the incident at the restaurant. The less she knows, the better he reasons, especially in her pregnant condition. I agree with him. He says he would have visited if he could and I reassure him I am recovering and living well. He hestitates for a moment and again I get a feeling that he is holding something back from me.

'what?!' I say eventually. 'Spit it out!'

'I was thinking maybe we should call Qadir-"

'-No!' I say without a second thought, 'Absolutely not!"

Atif frowns at my response and gives me a questioning look.

'No!" i repeat and shake my head furiously, then noticing Atif's expression, I make an effort to lighten my tone. 'I dont want to involve anyone else.' I tag on as way of explanation.

'He's a judge! he could help!' Ali protests, but I'm not listening. I pass the phone back to Atif, get up and walk towards the book shelf to avoid Atif's scrutiny.

Atif continues to talk to Ali in hushed tones, reassuring him that everything here is fine and he is managing to put together the documents like they planned.

I try my best to pretend the silence isn't loaded with expectation. I know Atif's waiting for an explanation but I don't want to talk about it any more. Instead I sigh, the relaxed mood from this morning has gone. The little bubble around us seems to have burst. I slot the book I was reading back into its home and run my fingers across the leather bound spines on the shelf, avoiding turning to look at Atif. I know he's watching me, can feel his gaze on me, am irritated by it. I feign interest in a book but barely read the title, sliding it out and turning to sit in the window seat away from Atif who is lounging on the sofa. I just know if he sees my face, he'll know something is wrong.

After a few moments he sighs and returns to his laptop.

How could things go south so quickly, It had been a relaxed morning, I was feeling optimistic and then just like that the walls were crashing down around me inside. I shake my head vigarously. Ruminating about the events of the past was futile, opening up unpleasant memories was like self torture. I'm not a sadist- I reason to myself. Not yet anyway.

It takes me the best part of the afternoon to relax and by the time we are eating dinner, I feel the last bit of ominous dread completly leave me.

'We've been invited to a couple of engagements next weekend. My first instinct was to refuse and keep a low profile, but I think that could end up looking more suspicious. If we are going to try and convince people we are married, then we might have to go through some of the motions.' he sighs. 'One of our witnesses at the nikkah was Chawdhry Abdul Rehman Bhutto he's a politician. He's invited us to dine at his home next weekend. He could be helpful, if things don't go the way we want. . . .'

I nod. The best things about Atif is that he thinks logically, i'm beginning to trust his decisions, which is unsual considering the short amount of time I've known him. 'Is he married? does he have kids?'

'Yes to both!" he says stopping to eat and then after a thoughtful moment adds 'that could be the tricky bit."

"Yes" I agree "women are unparralled at smelling a rat. They'll know something's off straight away.'

'He could get you over the border if it all goes wrong.' we sit in silence and think about this. 'Big risk. Big payoff' Atif adds and I laugh sardonically though I'm far from amused. It's the first time I'll be leaving the property. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I knew it was going to happen eventually, it's just I'm not leaving for good and that means if things go wrong, we might both have to pay the consequences of my mistakes. 'The other option is we invite them here.' Again we both silently deliberate the options in front of us.

'who is the other person?' I ask

'Sabir Saddique Nawaz' he pauses 'he's the local judge.'

'Wait, let me guess. he was one of the witnesses!'

Atif laughs in response 'say what you want, but it pays to know the right people.' he sighs and after a moment says ' They're inviting us into their homes, it would be rude not accept. Plus, they are.. . . discrete if they have to be.'

I raise my eyebrows and wonder what Atif could be alluding to.

After dinner we head into the TV room AKA the cinema room. We argue over which DVD to watch. I want to watch a horror and Atif wants an action thiller. In the end we agree on the latest Star Wars film. I sit next to him on the sofa and accuse him of eating too much of my imaginary popcorn. He picks puts his hand to his ear: 'Yeah thats right 2 double cheese chicken burgers, pizza?' he asks me covering his phone hand with his other hand.

I laugh and nod 'no pineappple' I mouth.

'If it has pinaapple on it- I will have to kill you!' he says talking into his hand (the mock phone) in a dead pan voice. the strange thing is Atif seems completely in sync with me. The more time I spend with him the more I like him. he has a good sense of humour which i love.

I don't last the length of the movie. At some point my eyes begin to feel heavy and I feel myself drifting to sleep. I drag myself off the sofa and pat Atif on the head before I turn to leave