Caged Nightingale

32- Saara

A knock on the door and I am startled awake. I sit up as Asma walks into the room. She has  a young girl who is following her.  She silently places a tray on the side table and then disappears. Asma sits on the bed and gives me a chance to rub the sleep from my eyes before talking.

'Atif called. He wants me to take you shopping for all the things you need before you get to his house.- he's not sure how long it will be before he will be able to get you out again.' she says by way of explanation. 'It's starting to cool down outside, but I think we can probably get to the Galleria mall and get most things from there. That way we don't need to be out for too long.'

I begin to protest when Asma holds up her hand. 'Never stop a man, especially your husband, when he offers to buy you whatever you need. Maintain a standard.' She says as a way of explanation, then tuts ' you must have lived a life of privilage to undervalue the importance of such a gesture.' She says disapprovingly and I have to admit she is right. Instead I resist the urge to reply and keep my face as relaxed as possibly as if  give off an air of innocence as if I haven't understood what she means. Asma's no ones fool. I see her eyes narrow ever so slightly before she turns away from me. She knows this game too well.

We leave within the hour and we do literally shop till we drop. Mohsin passes me the contact lenses before I leave and insists I wear my scarf. I can tell this outing makes him uncomfortable and nervous. He looks like he wants to say something but doesn't. In the end we take Baji Asma's car, as it will be more inconspicious.

Asma is a pro. she walks in to the boutiques and dominates the space. she points to a sales assistant and then points to me. I don't think I hear her say another word. she communicates through assessing hand gestures like a silent composer or varying emphatic sighs. Her silent watchful eyes speak volumes. To see if the clothing she choses will suit me. She half nods or or holds the assistants stare in silent scrutiny when she's making any decision. It's like watching a pro.

The only thing I pick up is a suit in mint. she gasps in disgust and tells me never to ever wear that colour as it 'clashes with my skin tone and washes me out completely.' I don't argue. It's easier not to.
Asma is efficient, she picks half a dozen outfits from each store and doesn't even bother checking the price tags.
The last stop we make is to a jewellery studio. The owner comes over to serve us himself. Asma simply says yes and no. its the strangest behaviour i have ever seen. 'no, no no. no no, yes!' and it goes on. she picks 15 or so jewellery sets and then catches me off guard when she asks me if I would like to get something for Atif. My first thought is I don't know enough about him to chose something he may or may not like, my second thought is I don't actually have any money. I shake my head, but Asma's noticed my hesitancy and leans in to whisper 'Now I don't really know much about husbands, but I imagine Atif will be very happy if you take the time and thought to give him a gesture of your appreciation, even if he is paying for it.' she says delicately raising a perfectly manicured eye brow in expectation.

I bite my lip and glance at Mohsin to see if he has suggestions, but he makes a point of avoiding my gaze by looking out of the window. Asma points to some cufflinks in platinum with diamonds. ' They're nice' she says hinting to me that they are worth consideration. I don't over think it, I just nod and say 'yep, those please.'
There is a tension in my shoulders which I don't understand. This whole thing.... It feels ... wrong. Like I'm doing exactly what he expects: using him for materialistic things. I don't need things. I've never coveted jewellery or clothes. So standing here like this makes me feel .... Cheap. Like I'm being dressed up like a doll, or like he is somehow trying to own me. Or impress me.. I don't know...

Words can't describe the relief I feel when we leave the shop and get back into the car. shopping is usually a relaxing, enjoyable affair and yet despite having been quite quick i still found the experience quite stressful. The last incident particularly irksome. I realise i don't actually know anything about Atif's taste. He always looks stylish and effortlessly seamless- even in casual jeans/ linen. He doesn't need a token gift from me. I suddenly feel silly having bought it for him.
Asma seems completely unaware of my predicament. Either that or she ignores me. She turns and tutts, when I sit back finally relaxing as she announces 'that's enough for today.'

'Ok, so you're going to need to put your head down for the last part of this journey. Especially when we get close to the house.' says Mohsin turning to me from the driver's seat. 'We know Atif's house is being watched from outside, so Asma coming in is not an issue because she already comes and goes, but if they see you. . .i know the windows are blacked out but we shouldn't take any risks.'

I nod and slump down in my seat. Enough said.