Caged Nightingale

73-Atif

Its been a month.
Things are settling down once more. We seem to have fallen into an easy routine. Saara's been talking about remote work from home so I've set up an office for her. Asia is visiting once a week when I'm not there to 'catch up' with saara. Life seems to be settling. Its a novel feeling to be free of this ache in my chest.
In the beginning I felt this irrational tension whenever I left The house, It took Me a hot minute to realise it might be because I was worried she may not be there when I got back...then one morning when I was sitting at the kitchen table chewing the omelette mechanically she turns to me and sighs.
"We need to talk. ...Tonight." She says turning back to her own plate. Her expression and voice are indecipherable. Not lighthearted or cheerful, but neither are they Solemn- just resigned.
And there it was- the thing I hate the most- not knowing. I rack my brain all morning -thinking about whether something has happened, something which I've overlooked. But there's nothing. We've fallen into a comfortable companionship. Maybe too comfortable. I just don't know. So the unease grows and I become more and more tense as the day goes on. I fidget, try to distract myself with the work I know I have to do and finally I give up just after midday and make my way home. I can't focus. I'm like a cat on a tin roof. Nervous and anxious.
I find her in the gym stretching. Sitting on the floor with a exercise band around her foot as she flexes it back and forth. She is aglow. In her black leotard with a fine sheen of sweat all over her and I swear to god I stop breathing at the sight of her. With her slender neck, back curved as she reaches forward and then back. Like an elegant swan.
She raises her eyebrows in surprise when I walk in and instantly smiles, sitting up straighter. It makes me feel at ease instantly. I walk over to her till I'm stood over her- holding out my hand to her. She takes it immediately and I lift her up as if she weighs nothing.
'You're back!' She says in my ear and then places her cheek against mine.
I don't say anything. I just wrap my arms around her tightly and squeeze, not trusting myself to give away the worry I've been feeling. When I let her go. She pulls me down to the floor and we sit opposite each other. Her crossed legged and mine stretched out in front of me.
"What's up?" She says eventually, breaking the silence. She looks up at me and I see the wisps of hair which have escaped her bun during her workout. She smiles at me tentatively and I feel some of the dread dissipate.
I shrug my shoulders in response and then cringe inwardly. "You wanted to talk." I say, prompting her.
"Hmm" she says and nods.  "I just wanted to check in and see how you feel- about everything.." silence "about us?"
It's a strange question. I just look at her, not sure what to make. The tension is back in my shoulders.  "I like it!" I say firmly and then hate it because there is an edge of desperation in my voice. "Why?" I ask forcing myself to relax or appear so.
"I was thinking 2 is a lonely number!" She says and takes my hand, turning it over and opening my fingers one by one. Looking at my palm, rubbing the pulse point there.
I just look at her, eyes narrowed. I think two is perfect. The best number in the universe right now. I don't need anyone coming in here and I don't want Sarah leaving me-
"I like three better" she says in a low voice then smiles.
And just like I realise what she's telling me.  I lean over and pull her into my lap. Kiss her like my life depends on it. Nestle my head into her neck. "Fuck yeah!" I shout and she laughs.
And just like that -the boy in his cheap clothes and huge dreams, who watched from a far as the most beautiful girl he had ever seen walked across the room and left. Well he just smiled.