Caged Nightingale

30 Atif

'Why didnt you tell Asim?' I ask and I regret the tone I use, as soon as the words leave my mouth because i sound angry. I can feel the fury building up inside me. SO much for the great fucking ideal husband. This whole time she's been singing his praises and he was a coward that couldn't even stand up for her.

'Because at the time, I didn't think it was real, I thought I was imaging it. I don't know what happened with Aunty and Uncle. Something must have- otherwise they wouldn't have pushed us to leave. Asim taking me to the firing range- something happened. Perhaps they didn't want to admit he was out of control or that they couldn't control him. I don't know. I really don't.. . ' I sigh 'when Asim would leave for work, I didnt want him to worry about me. You know despite everything, he was a good guy. he always put me first.' She's more insistent and then sighs when she sees i don't buy it. 'I think families are complicated Atif. Qadir couldn't change, no more than Asim could. Asim always did the right thing.'

I look at her like she's crazy, she doesn't actually believe that does she? I didn't have her down as being that gullible or deluded. Fuck.

'For 4 and half years we lived on our own and we lived well. We rarely fought or argued, we got on well and life was good.' she shrugs her shoulders.'He was a good guy.' she repeats. Her voice is more insistent and face full of resolve.

'Being good doesn't mean he did the right thing!' I say stubbornly 'that fucking pervert could have done anything-' I don't even want to think about what could have happened to her. This searing rage flaring inside me makes me want to kill him. Put a bullet through his head myself- and I know for a fact I wouldn't feel any guilt or remorse. A fucking judge! I'm used to seeing corruption, in fact very little surprises me. Life has taught me to expect the unexpected. What you see is often a very fine veneer, which covers a very deprived darkness. So ugly, its hard to stomach. Sometimes the more power they have the more perverse they are. It's like they think they're untouchable. Fuck- I'm living proof of that.
She's lucky. Even today, he could have taken her and she would have gone, Because people are programmed to try and do the 'right thing' but not always the right thing for themselves.
She is lucky. She doesn't even know how lucky she is. What if i hadnt been here? I saw the hunger and fury in his eyes. He could have tried to take her- i have no doubt Mohsin and Zain wouldn't let him. But a judge in a body bag is not ideal.
Qadir was practically licking his lips and salivating today- he thinks like a predator, he doesn't care about her. I have no doubt he would have raped her and gotten rid of the body. How could he have resisted the temptation and opportunity to take what he wanted and let someone else take the blame. Most probably me.
But she's not gone, she's here with me.
I look down at the raven head of hair tucked under my arm, grateful. She doesn't know how lucky she is.
A world in which she doesn't exist, doesn't bare thinking about.
I don't care what she says. She survived Qadir out of pure luck not because her husband did the right thing.
Now? He knows where she is and that's a problem.
Qadir isn't the type who gives up on anything he thinks should be his. That's where we are the same. He will most likely send someone else to do his dirty work for him. He will have her at any cost.  I know the feeling. And If he can't have her, no-one can.
Fuck.