Homosexuality is In

Chapter 17

I've always wondered what love tasted like. Now I know.
It tastes of bitterness. Of pure pain. Of that sensation in the back of your throat before you throw up. But sometimes it tastes sweet, like candy on Halloween when you were a kid and you'd eat so much sugar you'd be practically high. Most of the time it tastes of comfort. Of warm smoke from winter fires; smoke that you can feel on your tongue and in your heart.
Currently, my love tastes metallic; of fear and adrenaline. Mixed in with this already foul concoction is guilt; guilt for not being there, for running out when I should have stayed.
Mikey is kneeling next to me, trying to help me wake Gee. He's still out cold, and Ray's worried he's fading. I have called an ambulance, but the roads between here and the hospital are packed with rush hour traffic, cars bumper to bumper.
Something drops onto my hand and for a second I'm confused. Is the roof leaking? Then I put a hand up to my face and understand. I'm crying.
"It's not your fault," Mikey whispers to me. Ray is leaning against the wall, his arms crossed. I look away and sigh, then glance back at Gee. I crawl over to my fiancé and curl up next to him, running my fingers through his hair slowly. Mikey sighs and blinks, glaring at the wall.
"Frank, he'll be okay. He's just...really stoned."
I bury my face in Gerard's neck and slip my arms around him, wishing he'd just wake up.
A few minutes later, I feel him stir and he rolls over, nuzzling into my neck.
"Frrnkie," he slurs, then slips out of consciousness again. Mikey heaves a long sigh and runs his fingers through his brother's hair. I'm still crying, holding onto Gee tightly.

I wake up about fifteen minutes later, to the sound of boots and voices I don't recognize. Mikey's shaking me gently.
"C'mon Frank, they need to check him out," he says softly, carefully pulling me away from Gerard.
The paramedics soon say that he'll be fine; maybe slipping in and out of consciousness and hallucinating, but it will pass with enough sleep. They leave us with him, telling us to watch over him and make sure he drinks lots of water.
I curl up next to Gerard again and Mikey lays a blanket over us.
"Sleep Frank, you look exhausted," he murmurs kindly, running the backs of his fingers over my cheek. I close my eyes and smile a little, then I hide my face in Gerard's chest, not wanting my blush to show.

When I wake up once more, Gerard is gone. There's a little note next to my head. I pick it up and read it;
Taken him to my place for a while to get him off your back. I think you need to clean up and make sure he isn't hiding other stuff.
~M
I sigh and set the note down, beginning the search of the apartment. Most of Gee's stashes are in obvious places; draws and cupboards and under things. Others are well hidden; I find one behind a tile in the kitchen.
A while later, my phone rings and I pick it up. I hear Mikey on the other end, his voice strained and quiet.
"You need to get over here now," he says darkly.
"Why?" I ask.
"Gerard needs you. He's saying he wants to kill himself," was the answer. My breathing catches and I hang up my phone, jumping off the couch and grabbing my coat as I bolt for my front door.

When I finally arrive at Mikey's, I run to the door and open it. Ray's standing in the hallway, his face grave.
"Mikey's trying to calm him down and failing," he says. I sigh and follow the sobbing into the kitchen. Gerard is curled up in the corner between two cabinets, his knees drawn up into his chest and heavy, loud sobs shaking his entire body. Mikey's already crouching next to him, trying to soothe him.
"Gee!" I cry out, running to his side. He cowers away from me and Mikey stands up, leaving the room silently.
"Gee baby," I say, reaching out and stroking his cheek. He flinches, then leans into my touch as if it's the first human contact he's had in years.
"Shhh, stop crying, I'm here," I soothe, pulling my mess of a fiancé into my arms. "I've got you. Mikey told me you wanted to die, is that right?"
I try to keep my tone light, but my voice cracks and betrays my worry. Gerard nuzzles his head into my neck but doesn't say a word. I run my fingers through his hair slowly, rocking him in my lap.
"You're okay, I've got you," I murmur. "I love you sweetheart, I love you so much."
I'm crying now, the hot tears dripping off my chin into Gerard's hair. He doesn't seem to notice, but after a few minutes, he breaks out of my grip and stands up shakily. I jump up beside him and stroke his cheek. His wild hazel eyes lock onto mine. My heart writhes as I take in the anguish written across all his features.
"I love you Frankie. Goodbye," he says just before whipping around and fleeing out of the house.
"GERARD!" I scream, tears streaming down my cheeks. Mikey runs in and grabs me, trying to calm me down.
"H-he can't leave me!" I choke out. "We h-have to find him!"
Ray strides in, his face pale and his eyes wide.
"I called Bob too," he announces. Mikey nods and hugs me tighter, rocking me gently.
"Frank, I think you and Ray need to stay here," he says softly, kissing my forehead. I flinch and shake my head.
"No! I have to help Gee!"
"Shh, I don't want you to get upset, okay? I need you to stay here. We'll find him, I promise."
I fall to my knees sobbing and Ray sits down next to me, wrapping an arm around my waist.
"It's okay Frankie, it's okay," he soothes, stroking my hair slowly. "Go Mikey, Bob's outside!"
Mikey whips around and runs off and I'm left on the floor, sobbing in Ray's arms.