Homosexuality is In

Chapter 19

I look around the apartment, then turn around.
"Gee baby, I wanna move," I whine. He laughs and wraps his arms around my waist, pressing his lips to the side of my head in a tender kiss.
"Why's that?" Gerard mumbles quietly, rocking me back and forth slowly. I lean my head back into his neck and sigh.
"I just...there's a lot of memories here..."
"There are good ones as well as bad ones, though."
"I know."
Gee looks down at me and smiles a little.
"I would like to move too, but we can't really afford anywhere else. We could maybe get some more furniture and stuff?" he suggests. I nod and turn in his arms to face him, burying my head in his chest. He continues to rock me as I break down and start crying.
"Shhh, what's wrong Frankie?" Gerard asks, stroking my hair slowly. I shrug and he quickly picks me up, grunting in pain as he carries me to the 'bed' and sets me down on it. I slap his arm lightly.
"You shouldn't be carrying me with those ribs," I admonish tearfully. Gerard just shrugs and lays down next to me, rubbing my side comfortingly.
"Why are you crying sweetheart?" he murmurs, pulling me close to him. I tangle my legs with his and press a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth.
"It's just...everything. I've had a lot of stress lately."
At this, Gee looks down, his expression full of guilt. I go on anyway, ignoring his pain for now.
"I've been really scared for you and I miss my mom and how things used to be...and I love you but I'm so scared and tired and I need a rest..."
Gerard pulls away slightly and looks at me anxiously.
"Are you saying you need a break from me?"
"No!" I gasp. "Of course not! I just...I need you to be okay."
He sighs and holds me close.
"I'm okay now. I'll be okay, I promise. I love you."
"I love you too," I say softly, still crying. Gerard wipes my tears away carefully, then kisses my forehead.
"Go to sleep babe, I'll be right here. You have work in the morning and I have school."
I nod and close my eyes, rolling over so my back was against my husband's chest. Soon, I fall asleep.

~~~~

When I wake up, Gerard is missing. I jump up quickly and run into the kitchen. He's leaning against the counter sipping coffee.
"Hey babe, what's wrong?" he asks softly. I start crying and fall to my knees and he's beside me in a second, rubbing my back and folding my hands in his.
"Shhh, shh, what's wrong Frankie, hmm?"
I lean into him and try to stop crying. I don't know why I'm crying, but I can't stop.
"You w-weren't there when I w-woke up!" I sobbed quietly. Gerard ran his fingers through my hair and kissed the side of my head.
"I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
I snuggle into him and finally slow my sobs.
"There we go, that's right," Gee soothes, stroking my hair and rocking me back and forth. I bury my face in his chest and sigh loudly.
"I'm sorry," I mumble into his shirt. "I was scared. It was irrational."
"No it wasn't. I...I've done some...regrettable things and I would be scared too if I were in your position. It's okay Frankie," Gerard answers, holding my head against him. I turn my head and lay my cheek on him instead, feeling the burning pain in my chest.
"C'mon baby," Gee says after a few minutes. "Let's go sit on the sofa."
I nod and haul myself to my feet, stumbling into the living room and collapsing onto the sofa. Gerard sits down next to me and I curl up against his side, closing my eyes.
"I'm sorry."
I shake my head and look up at my husband. "I know."
"No, really, I am."
"Good."
Gee starts crying and my heart breaks for him. He's been through so much and I've been so insensitive. I hug him tightly and wipe away his tears.
"I love you so much," I whisper. "I know baby, I know how hard it is, I'm so sorry."
Gerard nuzzles my cheek and I stroke his hair, still murmuring to him softly.
"I've got you, it's okay," I try. He shakes his head and holds me to him.

After a couple of hours, Gerard stops crying and he's now asleep on the couch. I'm stroking his hair and watching him sleep, wishing I could fix everything. But there's too much pain in our past; too much has happened to us. I get up and walk to the computer, turning it on.

~~~~

Austin looks up as I walk into the store.
"Hey Frank, everything okay? You look upset," he comments. I nod and he hugs me tightly.
"What's wrong?"
"Gee's really upset and it's just...everything...you know?"
"I know," Austin murmurs, rubbing my back. "I'm sorry, can I do anything to help?"
"I think we need to go to therapy."
He nods and runs his fingers through my hair.
"It would probably be a good idea, but you should go separately."
I let go of him and step back, looking away.
"Do you want me to drive you?" is Austin's next question. I shrug.
"I don't want to tell Gee about this until I've found a good therapist, you know?"

~~~~

When I get home, Gerard is asleep on the couch again. I smile and realize I can smell spaghetti. Sure enough, there's spaghetti with meat sauce sitting on the side. I grin and grab it, knowing Gerard always makes it with fake meat so I can eat it too. I sit down next to him on the couch and turn the TV on.
"Frankie?"
I look over at him and he's awake, sitting up and blinking in the light.
"Hey baby," I smile, reaching out to him. He curls up against me and I laugh, wrapping an arm around him as I eat some more pasta. He kisses my cheek and looks at the floor.
"You okay?" I murmur.
"No."
"Anything I can do?"
"No."
"Okay."
I finish the plate and set it on the table, pulling Gee into my lap.
"Baby, I went on an errand today. I uh...I went to see a therapist."
Gerard looks up at me in surprise.
"Really?"
"Yes. And I think you should go too," I say, still scared of his reaction. He nodded and laid his head on my chest.
"Can we afford it?" he asks.
"Yeah," I mumble. "Alan and Austin have given me a raise."
"I should get a job."
"Yes, you should."
Gerard sighs and closes his eyes, curling up tighter.

"I love you," I murmur, but I get no response, as my husband is already asleep.