Marvel imagines~

𝘉𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘦𝘨𝘰𝘴//𝘚𝘵𝘦𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘚𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦

**WARNING : Mention of pandemic!***

Silence and peace is what I need now.
To be on my own, to breathe life back in my body, slowly as I sit in my pajamas on bed - even though it's noon already. 
Music that rain creates slamming against window is filling my ears, flowing through my system and easing my mind. It has been racing at full speed since we were placed into isolation.

Looking out the window, I see empty streets, barely few people walking - those who can't afford themselves to stay inside until all of this is left behind us. My heart aches at the thought of those people ; who can't afford luxury of 100% safety within the walls of their homes because they have to go to work, they need the money to support their families ; people who are aching by the side of their loved ones infected ; elder people anxiously walking to the stores to buy what they need, their hearts racing at the top speed because they know they are in the high-risk category.

Tony said it's for the best if we all split in different houses and places by two-three people, and self isolate for quite time.After all, being Avenger means you are exposed to many people on daily basis, and now that world is backing up few steps-it doesn't need heroes like Avengers.

So, it's me and Stephen in this small house located in Upstate New York.There are only few houses close to us, few long and wavy roads, but it's mostly woods and fields which I am glad for.

I try and stay away from him, but try not to distance myself too much - we have meals together, drink morning coffee together, in the evening we sit at the porch. But other than that, we spend the time separate;me enjoying the silence that has been brought upon us in these hard times, and him doing whatever he is doing.

***

"Isn't it peculiar, watching the skies weep with the people."

He moved slowly towards the window seat where I was sitting, carrying two cups of ,what I assume is, chamomile tea.I could feel the smell of it all the way to here, on the other side of the room.

"I think I got it this time.I've spent all the time I had since we arrived, and I think I finally got it."

Taking the cup from his hands I sighed deeply, the air I exhaled fogged the window up.Wiping it away with the sleeve of my jumper, I looked up to him visibly showing him I don't want to talk about this again.

"Come on Y/N, this could be it - this could help the situation with pandemic."
-Stephen, you really don't get it, do you?

Annoyed by his attempts to find out the story about pandemic that is hidden from people, I interrupted him.
-The world does not need Avengers now, the world doesn't need heroes, okay?Whatever you found out, keep it for yourself.

"You know I've been a doctor, neurosurgeon actually, but I had to go through basics of medicine. So, I know the basics of virology, and function of immune system. If I could find my way to reach people and teach them basics in order for them to protect themsleves and their families, and to teach them how to recognize false informations, maybe I could-"

-No Stephen.

I interrupted him harshly, now clearly angry and irritated. The only thing he is trying to do is bring himself back amongst people, now that his image of neurosurgeon is ruined.I've told him so many times I will not listen to his crazy fantasies.

-You keep coming back to talk with me only when you have these silly ideas of yours on how to gain back your audience to admire your neurosurgical skills. This isn't about that Stephen, there are people dying out there, losing their jobs, kids who won't finish high school surrounded by their friends, who won't be able to have that prom that happens once in lifetime, people who are having their lives destroyed! And not everyone gets chance to build themselves back like you did, getting into the most famous group of superheroes and save the world on daily basis!

Standing up from the windowseat I placed the cup down and watched him open his mouth, but close them right back. 

Ready to continue spilling out my rage and anger at him, I was stopped by him standing up right in front of me :" Yes, people are dying, believe me if anyone knows how is it to watch people die- it's doctors, and I've been one. But what is more devastating Y/N is not death, but dying before your heart stops beating - because you lost your money income, because you lost opportunities, skills, because you lost family members. To suffer great loss, but not die, even though you feel like you did yet you still breathe the air in your lungs. That is why I want to reach out to people,to help them and educate them, and make their lives at least little bit easier. I didn't know you hold that low view of me, but I am glad we have that clear now."

And with that he left the room, leaving me standing with two cups of still hot tea to fill my room with the scent of chamomille I will never forget.

🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

Oh how beautiful sunny days are when you are able to enjoy nature, and not concrete jungle we call our cities. 

The moment you start appreciating life is the moment it becomes endangered, which is very sad because then, in many cases, is too late.
We become aware of our love for someone when we lose them, we become aware of how much we enjoy time with friends in school when we can't enter schools, we become aware of how much going out for coffee betters our days when we can't go out to get that coffee, we become aware of how much food and drinks mean to us when we are pressured to fear we won't have enough....

In the early morning he woke me up with two soft knocks on my door. By the time I fully woke up and got dressed, cup of freshly brewed coffee was already waiting on the little table in the hallway to my room.

*****

Following him silently through forest pathways, I was too distracted by wildlife to even question where we are going.
Red, orange and brown mushrooms, majestic butterflies, hundreds upon hundreds small wildflowers I've never seen before, mother rabbit with few babies following her through tall grass and the sound of leaves dancing under commend of warm late-May wind.
The urge to smell all of these flowers was too strong, and I had to kneel down in order to pick few of them.

Bellflowers were always my favorite ones, and amongst all of these beautiful flowers - I chose to pick a whole bouquet of bellflowers. I remember my grandma, living in countryside, used to tell me stories of bellflowers and how I should stay away from them because they are planted by fairies to trap people, especially children. At the time she scared me, and I swore never to come close to them. But growing up, it was hard to resist the beauty and smell of theirs, and I fell in love with them. 

No fairy ever trapped me.

Allowing myself to completely focus on amazing smell of the forest, I forgot about Stephen.I didn't even look the direction he went to, not wanting to deal with him now that I am enjoying the moment, even though I knew I had to swallow my pride and apologize.

But few minutes later, without a word spoken, he kneeled next to me and started picking bellflowers. I slowed down, watching him wordlessly, but not questioning a thing. 

After many flowers picked, he stood up and held out a hand for me, the one that wasn't occupied with flowers. Standing up I straightened my dress and gently smiled as he held out the bouquet from his other hand towards me.
Taking it from him I attached it to the one I picked, and created a big bouquet of bellflowers.
Smiling at the flowers,  I tried catching up to Stephen, who already walked off.

*****

-May I ask where are we going? We've been walking for good two hours now, we might even come across end of this forest.

After long two hours of silent walk filled with only sounds of nature, I felt pain in my legs I've never felt before.
Surely, two long months of isolation, with no training and not much physical action - this walk made me feel like I climbed Mount Everest.

"Are you tired?", he turned back towards me as I threw myself on the soft grass by the pathway, "Oh come one Y/N don't be such a child", he added walking towards me.
As he walked closer, I grabbed him by his arm and pulled harshly down, causing him to fall on the grass right next to me.

"Y/N what is wr-"
-Shhh stop complaining. Just lay down on the grass and enjoy the sun.

I didn't think he would, but he did - confused, but he layed down on soft green grass and closed his eyes. Under direct sunlight I could notice how defined his facial features are, something I would never notice if it wasn't for this moment.

Or was it because I built such a disliking for him?

-I am very sorry Stephen, I said as I layed back down, I didn't mean to come off so rude the other day. I don't think of you the way I showed it, I see you much higher than you think I do. It was very, very rude from me to assume you, as someone who has medical carreer behind, do not care about people's lives but yours only. Is there any way I could make it up for my attitude?

"My life indeed is my priority, as we all value our own lives above everyone elses. I am completely aware of my egoistical carreer, but at the same time I've witnessed so much, and now when I think of it - all of it breaks my heart. Complex human body, valuable human life, something I am aware of now. I honor and applaud every single healthcare worker on frontline of the pandemic, but also every single human being facing the consequences. But, since I've been put in isolation, I want to use it as much as I can - prevent myself from spreading the virus, and help educate people if I can."

He stopped for a moment, lifting himself up from the grass into sitting position, facing me, so I sat up so my face is the same level as his.

"I accept your apology, and I want to apologize for my behaviour. The thing you could do, and thing I am willing to do, is spend more time with each other. These two months have been very long, and even though it's the two of us in the house, I never felt more lonely."

I was ready to say something, the words dancing at the tip of my tongue, but nothing came out since he decided to stop me. Since he wasn't finished with what he was saying.

"Our morning coffee make my days, you know?", he asked, tilting his head a little bit and curving his lips into small smile, "We don't have the need to talk.And not only because we know each other's preffered coffee, but because we silently understand each other. Waking each and every morning from sleep - state almost so similar to death, but far more worse because each night you go to bed feeling relief of forgetting only to wake each and every morning to the burden feeling heavier and heavier. We both know mornings are the hardest."

I kept looking him in the eyes, witnessing the battle with ego, swallowing of pride and stripping one naked to the very bone. 
Never in my life did I feel such shivers under direct warm sunlight.

"Meals are just the same as our morning coffees, but this time we are fully awake. The burden of our lives was already on our back so we walked the house with our heads up high - because showing our human side worse than allowing ourselves to take deep breaths. Because once someone helps you breathe in, how can you be sure they won't leave and you will never again be able to breathe?"

Feeling warm and salty tear hit my cheek, I quickly looked away from him and focused on the tall grass surrounding him. But it wasn't fast enough not to catch his attention, not quick enough to allow it burning deep in my cheek.

"I can't say I am sorry for what I've said, only for making that tear fall down. Please, let it not be out of pain or anger. Standing behind my words and feelings for once. I do not feel ashamed of them. And here I am, asking for your forgiveness and a chance to spend the rest of the time we have here on better way than previous days."

Hearing him asking for forgiveness from me, when I am the one who avoided him on purpose and made sure to add little bit of salt to each and every of our encounters - I couldn't hold back anymore. I burrowed my face deep in my hands and started sobbing like never before. 
For few moments I forgot about him next to me, I forgot about the grass we were sitting on and the sun above us. I forgot about the bellflowers and allowed myself to cry everything out in rivers of tears.

After few minutes I lift my head up to meet Stephen sitting stiff, closer to me. He didn't say anything nor did he touch me, which I am grateful for because I needed a good cry to get everything out of my system - but on my own.

"Feeling any better now?"

I gave him a faint nod and murmured an apology before my head became very heavy so I had to place it back in my own palms again.

Soft hand placement on my shoulder was the first thing I felt, followed by arm slithering all around my shoulders and a feeling of warm embrace.
I found myself in Stephen Strange's hug, warm embrace reflection of the deeper fires withing his soul. So I burrowed my head in his chest and weeped, just as the skies did on the morning when I spoke the most terrible words to a man who held all of this within.


"You know how they say when you carry whole world in your hands, it becomes heavy and hard? I doubt I will ever want to let go of the whole world of mine I hold in my hands right now."  

                                                                                                 🌼