And a Pinch of Love (a Dan Howell x Reader Fanfiction)

Secrets

(Y/N)

Little did Dan know, in those three months, I'd changed.

I had changed so, so much.

It surprised me, that Dan didn't notice the weight I'd lost, or the paleness of my porcelain skin.

And, many other things, as well.

I guess someone finally noticed, one evening.

"(Y/N), you hungry?" Elise called from the kitchen.

"Not really, I had a lot of coffee to drink earlier, so I'm not in the mood," I lied.

Silence.

"You.. Sure?" She asked, walking into my lounge, where I sat curled up on the brown recliner, covered by a purple blanket.

My stomach churned.

"Well, maybe a little," I gave in.

She fixed me a small sandwhich, as we had to go shopping as soon as we could.

She had gotten a full-time job at a bookstore and coffee shop-- the one I had tried to get in at.

I greedily ate the sandwhich, quickly.

In the back of my mind, I heard a raspy voice.

You're never going to stop eating, are you?

I shuttered, taking my saucer into the kitchen, then to the bathroom.

I locked the door stealthily.

Leaning over the open toilet, I stuck a finger down my throat, toward my uvula.

My reflexes kicked in, and stomach released my last meal into the clean bowl.

"If it doesn't digest, I won't get fatter," I thought.

I wet a rag from the stack in the closet, and wiped my spit-covered mouth.

I flushed the toilet, my vomit spiraling down the hole.

You're disgusting, you should just-

I slapped myself.

I ripped open the bottom drawer of the sink, grabbing a silver, somewhat rusty box cutter.

I slid off the covering, and tossed it near the trash.

I took out the metal blade, and rolled up my left sleeve.

Barely noticeable scars from my teenage years were faded into my almost cotton ball-white skin.

"Time to recreate the past," I whispered faintly to myself.

I gently took the blade and slid it across my forearm horizontally.

Not too deep, not too high, we're not there yet- just keep doing i-.

The voice stopped again as I slid a few more times.

I grabbed the damp rag once more.

Harshly, I scrubbed the dots of blood away.

I covered my arm once more, and put the blade beneath some Windex that we'd never used, and probably never would.

I walked out, turning off the light as I did.

Elise was vacuuming her bedroom with her earbuds in, making her oblivious to her surroundings.

My phone buzzed in my pocket.

Dan.