Baby by Rape

SEVEN

We headed out of the shop and back over to where Danny parked the car.

"Well that was a lot easier than I thought."

"And at seventeen dollars. We'll need to get you a car."

"I don't need-"

"You do. When the baby gets here and I'm at work, you'll need a car to take them to the doctors or wherever else you need to go."

"What I need to do is start stocking up on baby stuff."

"Don't buy diapers and wipes until the baby is born."

"Why?"

"Well because what happens if the baby ends up being allergic to the brand you pick?"

"Oh, that's true."

"Buy a crib or blankets."

"A car seat."

"There you go. When the baby gets older we'll need a second car seat."

The two of us headed to my house and sat in my room with note books. I had the following written down: Crib (bedding and extra sheets) Stroller and car seat combo, swing or glider, changing station and maybe a bassinet of some sort. I bit at my thumb nail, and peeked at Danny's list: Socks, Bath tub, onesies, Blankets (swaddle wraps, burp cloths). I watched as he wrote down wash rags. He would make a it in this raising a kid business.

Me however? I'd be hiding in the closet with a bottle of cheap wine and a good book. I slapped my note book closed and dropped it on the bed pulling my knees to my chest. I glared at the note book.

"You okay?" He looked over at me, "What happened?"

I shrugged a shoulder.

"Come on." He handed me the book, "Don't give up so easily."

"Danny, I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

"That's why you have me."

"I'm not ready for a baby."

"You're sixteen." He laughed, "Who's ready for a baby at this age?"

"What do you think the baby will think when they grow up and find out I wasn't ready for her."

"That you are a normal teenager. It's not like you don't want her."

I took the book.

"Right?" He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Right." I nodded.

"Then we should probably get back to our lists."

"Right." I opened the book.

I pressed my pencil to the paper three times before I sighed.

"Do I want to formula feed?"

"Breast feeding is better." Mom said handed me a plastic bag, "For the first three weeks or so."

I took the bag and dug through it.

"What's this?" Mom picked up my book.

"It's a list of things I need for the baby."

She looked over the list, "Let me see the pencil."

She waved her hand at me and I handed over the pencil. She wrote for a bit and then handed me the book back.
"I'm going to start on lunch."

I read what she wrote and she left. Danny waved for the book and I handed it over.
" Medela and willow breast pumps," He read out loud, "nursing pads, milk storage and freezing bags, Lanolin cream, pregnancy pillow, breast feeding pillow, medela feeding bottles, rocking chair, crib- How did I forget those last two?"

I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes, "We are so not ready for this."

"You'll see Sophie, as time goes on we will be. There is books and classes youtube birth-"

"Mm-mm." I waved a hand, "I cannot think about pushing a human out of my body."

"Well that is the last stop."

"Unless I have the baby cut out."

"I hear the healing process is horrific."

"From who?"

"My Mom has a friend who had one. She said her cut got infected and she had to get it recut open and they had to clean her out and then sew her up again. They take out all of your organs and plop them on the table next to you."

"Huh." I nodded, "How do the organs not die?"

"I don't know." He shrugged, "I guess the doctors are fast."

"Vaginal birth it is. What about epidurals? Have any thoughts on that ole wise one?"

"My Mom says her back is screwed up. We should ask your Mom."

"Yes, I would love to talk to my mother about my baby by rape."

"Careful," He wrote something down, "It almost sounded like you don't want the baby."

"What do you want?"

"I just want the baby to know how much I love them." He nodded, and then looked at me, "I mean how much you love them."

"Danny, you're going to be helping me raise this baby so if you want to love them or teach them stuff it's okay."

"Can I be in the delivery room?"

"Oh," I was surprised, "I didn't know you wanted to be in the room."

"Sophie, you're my best friend, of course I want to be there."

"Well." I smiled flipping to a new page in my book, "Names?"

He sat back against my head board, "Eli."

"Okay," I wrote it down.

"Haven."