blue gasoline ✿ nomin

057

The day was filled with visits.

Filled with tears.

Filled with hugs.

Filled with apologies.

Filled with I love you's.

As comforting as it was, it was overwhelming and made the blue-haired boy feel so, so guilty. Somewhere in the midst of it all, he had managed to convince himself no one in his life cared about him or what happened to him—but now, he was seeing the effects his decisions had on other people.

He had never seen Renjun cry before.

They had been friends for years, and the Chinese boy had never let a single tear slip out. But, the minute his eyes landed on Jaemin in the hospital bed, he was a teary mess. All the younger could do was hug him.

He couldn't take back his actions, so now all he could do was hold each of his visitors as they cried to him. No, he didn't completely understand how all those people got emotional over him, but that didn't mean he still didn't feel terrible.

Gram and Jeno had stayed through it all. It made him grateful that those two were by his side during his weakest time. The woman had even embarrassed the shit out of Jeno by asking if he had manned up enough to ask him out yet, which gave Jaemin a hearty laugh that he was in dire need of after all of the emotions he's had to deal with today.

Now, visiting hours were nearing an end, and Jeno was going to have to leave. As much as the teen wanted to pull strings so his boyfriend could stay, he could tell he needed rest. "Gram, could you step out for just a second?" he asked, giving his grandmother puppy dog eyes.

The lady nodded, wiggling her eyebrows a bit before slipping out of the room. She liked to act strong and prank around, but in reality, she needed the air. That was her baby lying there in that bed due to reasons she didn't have any clue about.

The couple spent a few moments just looking at each other. Today had been so hectic, but this beautiful soul had stayed the whole time. Jeno even took off from work—which he didn't think the younger knew, but he did.

"You look exhausted," the blue-headed boy murmured with a gentle, yet concerned, smile.

The older had the audacity to shake his head and reciprocate the smile. "I'm okay, don't worry about me." Honestly, he had been too enthralled by all the commotion today to even feel tired, but even if he did start to feel the effects for being up for so long, he would never say anything. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to relish in the presence of the person that was almost taken away from him, not lounge around at his apartment.

Jaemin sighed and scooted over to the far end of the bed before patting the now empty space. The officer didn't hesitate to fill the place, getting as close to the other boy as physically possible. "Do you know how amazing you are, Lee Jeno?" he asked softly, taking his cold hand and encasing it in the warmth of Jeno's.

"You bring out the best in me," the ravenette replied in a whisper.

But do I really? He had practically tortured Jeno since the first day they met. He made him cry, made him angry, made him miss out on things, made him have to sit in this freezing hospital room all day. How could that be the best?

But in the blink of an eye, those thoughts weren't as strong. I'm Na fucking Jaemin, and if he doesn't like me, fuck him. He almost wanted to audibly gasp at the sudden shift in mindset, but he withheld a reaction. He wasn't against feeling some confidence, especially after the time he's been having—now just didn't seem like a wonderful time to change so drastically, but what could he do?

"Go home, please," he requested gingerly. "We both need to sleep."

"I don't want to leave."

"I'm going to be fine," the younger assured, smiling lightly at just how passionate his boyfriend was about staying by him.

Jeno sighed and locked eyes with the male beside him. He knew he had lost this argument long ago, mostly because he always seemed to have trouble with not doing what Jaemin wanted. It wasn't the time to think about that, though. "I'll be back first thing in the morning."

"Okay," the teen responded lightly before leaning in to press a gentle kiss to Jeno's lips. No, it was definitely not the best time to be kissing, but he wanted it. He needed it. Jeno was his knight in shining armor, the one who had kept him safe so many times.

When they pulled away, the older enveloped his boyfriend in the most loving of hugs, one that conveyed so many different feelings at one time. They had been through hell, and it wasn't going to let up any time soon, but he couldn't imagine not being there for Jaemin. From day one, he knew it wasn't an option to let the teen navigate life by himself. There was a reason he could never stay away, and he was slowly figuring out that it was because they were made to make each other's lives enjoyable to live one step at a time.

"I love you, Jaemin," he suspired. As if his conclusion from their argument wasn't enough to convince him to be the best he could be, this just fueled his resolve more. He was going to be what Jaemin deserved and keep him happy. Keep them both happy.

"I love you, too," the blue-haired boy echoed. And he did, more than anything. It may have started off as nothing more than a game, but now he's seen who's got his back through everything. Who won't leave him when things aren't sunshine and rainbows. Who wouldn't let him stay broken. "Now stop stalling and get out of here," he joked, but in reality, he was trying to keep from getting choked up. He was so lucky he found Lee Jeno. If he hadn't, it's scary to think about how shit his life would be—if he was even still alive.

The older gave him one last longing glance before he forced himself out of the bed, out of the hospital, into his car, and into his apartment.

He wasn't going to be able to sleep. Rather, he laid and looked at his ceiling most of the night, letting all his tears finally flow freely. How could he have let it go this far? He almost lost the love of his life because he was scared of confrontation. Not to mention all the things he didn't even know about because he wasn't as inviting to open up to as he should've been. To a certain extent, everything that had happened was all his fault.

They should've had a love story straight out of the fairytales. A love story where the biggest quarrels they have are over which ice cream flavor to buy at the store. Instead, everything had to be so fucked up. They fought over every little thing, his boyfriend was lying in a hospital bed, and he was here bawling his eyes out because it seemed like the entire universe was against them.

God, it hurt so bad.

Does it get better?