𝚍𝚛𝚞𝚗𝚔 𝚝𝚎𝚡𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 - 𝚛𝚘𝚍𝚍𝚢 𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚌𝚑 (on hold)

00:15

stasi elizabeth

i sat in the clinic of the hospital with my leg shaking uncontrollably. i prayed india wasn't at work today, i didn't need her to know i was here. the nurse walked in and i sighed when i saw a familiar face. "alicia!" i called.

she immediately bombarded with questions. "nastasia? what are you doing here? does india know?"

"no. is she here today?" alicia shook her head. "i've been feeling mad weird for the past week." she instructed me to lay back and started to poke and prod. i watched as she took my temperature and listened to my heartbeat.

"weird in what ways?" she pressed down lightly on my abdomen with her fingers, causing me to hiss in pain. she jumped a little and stopped. she grabbed her clipboard and scribbled something i couldn't make out. "you can sit up now."

i sighed and started to explain how i had been feeling the past week. "my nose has been stuffy and running like crazy. i assumed it was a cold at first but i don't have a fever, i've been checking constantly. it's been impossible for me to eat; all of my favorite foods make me gag now. i have to force myself to eat. oh, and i can't do anything but sleep all day."

alicia wrote down my every word on her clipboard and nodded. "okay, and the abdominal cramps-- have they been happening the whole week as well?" she asked. i nodded. "nastasia, when was your last period?"

i paused. when was my last period? "i- i don't know, honestly. i wanna say the beginning of may. at first i thought this was pms, but i never have these symptoms."

she put her clipboard down. "have you been sexually active lately?" my blood ran cold. oh lord. am i pregnant? i can't possibly be pregnant. why didn't i think about this sooner? i nodded my head slowly. "well it looks like you may be pregnant. but before i can confirm this, we're gonna run some tests. i'll be right back, okay?" she said. i nodded my head again as she walked out of the room. i stared blankly at the wall in front of me. this felt so surreal, i was terrified. i silently prayed to god that my tests would come back negative. this is the last thing i needed right now, i'm not ready for a baby. i took every precaution known to man. what went wrong?

alicia returned with a plastic cup. she handed it to me and i walked into the bathroom. i sat there for about five minutes before anything actually came out. it was only half a cup full, i hope it was enough for her to run the test properly. i washed my hands and left the bathroom, handing alicia the cup. she left the room, and i was alone once again. i racked my brain for the last time i had sex.

i sighed contently as he fell onto my body, his chest heaving as he attempted to catch his breath. "shit." he breathed into my ear and rolled onto his pillow next to me. i laid down on his chest and looked up at him. he looked at me and kissed my forehead. "that's gotta be the best we done ever did." i giggled.

i sat up. "you pulled out right?" i asked suddenly. he laughed and nodded.

"yes i pulled out. i always do." he told me. i believed him, but i also reminded myself to go buy a plan b tomorrow. "you tryna go again?" he asked me.

i didn't answer. i just climbed into his lap and started kissing him.

he didn't pull out.

i never bought the plan b.

i didn't realize there were tears rolling down my face until i felt a drop hit my hand. i quickly wiped them away. alicia walked back into the room ten minutes later. "well, your results came back positive. you are about 5 weeks pregnant..." her voice trailed off from there. i couldn't hear anything but white noise in my ears but i watched her lips move. i couldn't make out what she was saying, but i didn't care. i watched as she pulled out a needle and reached for my arm. she stuck the needle in and we both looked as my blood drained, but i felt nothing. nothing felt real anymore. she pulled it out and capped it before walking out again. my phone vibrated in my pocket. i grabbed it and saw that india texted me.

india. i can't tell her yet. i can't tell anybody yet. i need to figure life out first.

she texted me about this "two week plan" she had for herself so she could become fully invested in her relationship with rodrick. i respected what she was doing. she wanted to be completely over jordan and everything that's happened to her these past few months. she didn't want her pain to ruin her next relationship. i couldn't even tell if she was truly hurt by everything. if she was, then she hid it well. or she bottled it up well. either way, she wanted to fix herself. she didn't want rodrick to have to pick up the pieces of a mess he didn't create. and i respect that.

alicia walked back in for the last time, but this time she had paperwork with her. she extended it in my direction. "here's a list of do's and don'ts, as well as a list of local ob/gyns. the ones i've highlighted are the ones located in this hospital," she continued to hand me papers, "this is a prescription for prenatal vitamins. take them twice a day. you can go to the front counter to book an appointment for your first sonogram. and of course, congratulations." she smiled. i flashed a small smile and took the papers from her. i grabbed my purse and headed towards the door.

"thank you." i reached for the door knob and turned back to look at her. "alicia? one more thing?"

"what's up?" she started to clean up the room. there wasn't much to clean, but she did it anyways. i could only assume it was protocol.

"i was never here. got it?"