Studio 8h - John Mulaney FanFic

Peyton - Pros and Cons

I close the door on a smile, but quickly turn around and wipe it off. What the fuck it wrong with you?! I yell in my head.

"Good Morning," he says, groggily walking out of the room. Him being, what's wrong with me.

"You need to leave," I pace the doorway.

"Why? I had a lot of fun," he says, walking over to grab my hips.

I pull away with a jolt and continue walking back and forth, "This was a mistake..."

"Why? We're not dating anyone."

"I told someone I loved them last night, and I didn't even get a rejection before I went and slept with the bartender."

"Well then that was angry sex, and it wasn't bad..."

"Angry sex? No, I- I can't do this. I have a life that does not include booking up with my bartender."

"You really want me to leave?"

I look at him biting my nails, "Please." He huffs and grabs his shirt from the vintage green chair, along with his shoes and his coat. Putting everything back on in front of me. He looks at me right as he's about to grab the door, "Peyton, you deserve someone who will tell you they love you back."

I open the door for him and answer, "I do." I push the door shut after he leaves, and just lay on the floor.

•••
It had been a week of "John and Payton" but it felt like it was like this for years. After I did my independent sketch, I got put on Weekend Update primarily. I had writers answering to me, and damn THAT felt good.

"So, are you exclusive?" Micheal asks me in their dressing room. They shared one since they were only in one act of the show, and I sat in there with them for writing. I spent the most time with them, and my gabbing buddies. Really the relationship was unhealthy.

"Well they haven't talked about it, clearly." Colin says obviously. "But do you want to be? I mean. Apparently you're in love."

"Oh shut up. I just came to say good luck." I smile leaning on the doorway. "You're gonna need it." Colin puts his jacket on as an intern tells them it's showtime. I was with them down the hall. They have 1/2 to get set.

I walk to the camera line, aka where the camera can't see me, but I'm in the front row, nudging John. He smiles down to me, and I to him. Then the Don (the director) yells, "Annnnnd...ACTION!"

They begin the intro then go into the news. As I start to walk away, knowing my job here is done Colin stops me, "Now before we go, I'd like to introduce my second guest of tonight." I walk back to the line in complete confusion, "Is she still here?" He asks the camera man. He nods the camera with him.

Micheal speaks up, "Well, she's the genius behind the Weekend Update, and her birthday is today, so we'd like to Ask Peyton to come on stage."

I look around at everyone pushing me up. I'm blinded by the spot light as I sit down, "H-Hi?"

"Peyton! Peyton, do you know why you're up here?" Colin asks me. I shake my head unsurely, "Well, I'll tell you. We're here to talk SNL gossip." The next thing I know there's a sparkly poster board between me and Colin.

"We really just want to talk to you about this boyfriend of yours."

Colin puts his finger up, "Ah- not boyfriend yet. That's a con remember."

"There's pros and cons?" I ask, scared the answer is what I know it is.

"Oh yes," Colin smiles.

Michel reads off the first one from the teleprompter, which I'm just mad there was a script. "Con 1.) He won't tell you if you're girlfriend material. I do that by at least date 2."

Colin goes next, "Con 2.) He looks like a stick figure I would've made in 2nd grade. 2nd grade because I cared enough to put hair on it it 2nd grade."

"Con 3.)  He just 'let you'," Micheal using hand quotations, "friend zone him for 2 years. Like man, take some initiative."

"Con 4.) You see the guy every day, at some point the honeymoon is gonna die out. And I mean. Who knows what's going to happen then. I don't want to see either of you splat on the sidewalk of Rockefeller Plaza."

"Con 5.) Peyton only admits her feelings when she's drunk, and if she doesn't want to have feelings she gets drunk. This was more of a warning than a con, but still, can he handle that? Until I know it's going up as a con." Michel drops his pen and puts his hands up.

Colin clears his throat before starting again, "Pro 1.) God finally! I mean, how long was that? 2 years of friend zoning each other, it was painful to watch."

"Pro 2.) Look at that girl, like damn. I mean, you're going to make him look 10x better or worse with you on his arm."

Colin stops him self from laughing as he reads the next one, "Pro 3.) The two of us had a bet on if you would finally get together, and I won, so thank you." He sees my shocked face when he goes to thank me, and laughs silently.

"Pro 4.) If you do work out you can get some tax reductions when you get married. So I mean. Money."

"And Pro 5.) You're in love and it's only week 2, so. At least you're both committed."

"So what are you gonna do?" Micheal looks over Colin to me.

Blankly I respond, "Kill you both."

They both start laughing barely making out, "From Weekend Update I'm Colin Jost!" The crowd starts cheering.

"And I'm Micheal Che! Thank you and goodnight!"