Studio 8h - John Mulaney FanFic

Brennen - Selfish and Selfless

"WoooOoow..." Charlie nudges Liam. "Snazzy..."

"Did you just call my house 'snazzy'?"

"Yes. Yes I just did."

We walk further into the house, "Liam? Is that you?" A woman's voice asks. His mother walks down the grand staircase.

"Brennen? Is that you as well?"

"Hello Mrs. Worley," I wave as she hops her way down, and kisses me on the cheek.

"Jesus, are you here for Christmas again?"

"No, no. I'm flying home on Thursday."

"Back to Donegal?" I nod, "Oh good." She walks over to Liam and kisses his cheek, "And who'd you bring with you?"

"You remember Peppa," He puts his hand to her.

"Of course, you look wonderful, as always dear."

"And then Ewen, he's from Glasgow."

"Thank you for havin' me Mrs. Worley," Ewen shakes her hand.

"And of course Charlie," she smiles at her introduction, "the American one." Liams mother doesn't say anything for a moment, "Mum?"

She stammers, "I- I'm sorry forgive me. I guess when my son told me he befriended and American named Charlie I had assumed you, were of the opposite gender."

"Oh don't worry about it," she flicks her wrist, "It happens more than you realize."

Mrs. Worley looks at her admirably, "Walk with me Charlie," She begins walking, Charlie and the rest of us follow. "So, tell me. Is Charlie your first name?"

"No, Charlotte," the way she pronounces the R's make me wince.

"I see. And so, people call you Charlie." She agrees. "Well. What brings you to Oxford. What made you so special. Any accomplishments?"

"I was the leader of the ban of Plastic bags in New York City. And I'm the reason most major organizations are going green. I was also the political corespondent for my school as well as my local hospital. I ran a charity for recovering drug addicts trying to become good parents."

"Do you regret anything?"

"My selfishness." She stops to look at the girl, exploding her thoughts. "My mother never payed attention to me growing up, and I knew she didn't want me, but I believed if I did something to make her proud, then maybe I wouldn't be the girl she called twice a month." The group goes quiet. "That and I used my fathers fame at my disposal for my organizations."

"You know darling," Mrs. Worley continues walking down the long elegant corridor. "Good deeds don't always have to be rooted at selfless thoughts. It's often the selfish who get what they want."

"I'm afraid I don't see your point."

"Every human who has done great things, has done them for their commonwealth sure. But for their futures as well. Like when a robber robs a bank. They are trying to safe guard their future with a sum of money. And when someone spoke out against slavery, they were doing it for the good of themselves, or those they love. Maybe neither. Maybe they are doing it for their own political gain. But, by abolishing slavery they did a good deed, selfless or selfish." She looks at her stunned, as if no one has said something of the sorts to her before.

"Mrs. Worley," A voice says from another hallway leading to a door.

"I'm coming," She turns to Liam, "Please be careful while me and your father are away. I left money on the island for food, there's stuff in the fridge. And don't embarrass me."

"We'll be good."

"And keep her safe," she points at Charlie, "I like her. Make sure she's alive when I get home."

"Bye Mum..."

She walks out the door and the house becomes ours.

•••

"You did not invite the entire town to this house." I say to Liam passing by with cups of pure alcohol.

"I bloody did! And it's not illegal anymore, mate. Relax...have a drink..." He drunkly pats my back. I stiffen my neck. "Oh calm the fuck down. It's not your house. It's legal. We're not getting ratted out. 'Ave a drink. Get drunk, profess your love."

I scoff, "I don't have love to profess."

"See, that's the thing you get hung up on. Maybe for a reason." He walks away, leaving me raging.

"Hey! Bren!" A voice calls behind me. I turn around to Charlie walking through drunk British people. "Hey! New nickname!"

"My family calls me that," I laugh as she stands in front of me.

"Oh," She mimics a low Irish accent, doing a horrible job, "is that what'cher Mum calls ya'?" She laughs. "I'm a horrible person...sorry. It's drink 3." She keeps moving as if she can't stop, "So...what are you drinking?"

"Oh, Porters. What about you?"

"Irish stout."

"Question; How do you know Liams Mom?"

"Hi MoooooooM," I laugh.

"Just answer the question."

"I was apart of a 'higher education' program. And they sent me here, and I became good friends with Liam while I was here."

"You're kidding."

I scoff, "Wish I was." I take a sip of my beer.

"Well look at you," she playfully hits my arm. "Mister Smart guy."

I take a sip of my beer, "Ok, Since we're asking personal questions, I have a question."

"Shoot."

"Why did you look so surprised when Elena have that speech?"

"Mrs. Worley?" I nod. "Oh," she shyly laughs. "My mom wasn't ever really home, always doing something at SNL, or writing a TV show. And my dad always made everything a comedy act. So, no one ever gave me life advice, only my grandfather, who's life advice was to become a lawyer." She looks down, "But, that's really depressing, I thought your question was going to be like, do Americans really have commercials in TV every 3 seconds. In which case the answer is yes."

"Oh! Charlie! There you are! Come on!" Peppa grabs her hand. "There are so many guys here. We are flirting with at least 5." She gets pulled into the crowd of drunk toddlers.