Graced ( under edition )

Alone.

I woke up to the smell of something sickening. I followed the smell that lead to the kitchen and as I reached there I have seen what have broken my heart into pieces. A cigarette layer between the hands of the one who has raised me. The soft caring hands. What has happened to her ? Who is she ? Why is this happening ? Why am I here ?

*flashback*

" momma, You love me right ? " " Honey you are my daughter how could I ever hate you, now tell me what have you learned today " " Mommy I can't remember " I giggled
" Oh well I guess someone is ready for the tickle monster " she laughed " No " I screamed while laughing as she tickled me.

*end of flashback *

HOW could she lose hope. I know I am the reason why all of this is happening. I just know it. I slowly got out of the kitchen and made my way back to my room. I changed into some skinny jeans and a long sleeved shirt I needed some fresh air so I decided to go out. " Where do you think you're going ? " " out " I blankly said as I walked out of my house ignoring the screaming and the yelling of my parents. I made my way towards the soft, calming ocean. I have figured out that just staring at the ocean would let my tears flow. As I reached the place I sat down and started thinking about how miserable my life has become. I looked around me and it looked so cloudy. In london we are used to that kind of weather, It's never summery you know, you barely find a hot day. I slowly felt the droplets of rain roll all over my body. I Started laughing out loud as if I was crazy, while running in circles. I loved the rain. The feeling or the knowledge that even the sky cries keeps me warm. It just shows me that I am not the only one who is struggling. I had a shoulder bag that was filled with all my stuff. You can find different things in there. I usually carry my lip gloss, my eyeliner and my perfume. I also have my diary and some pens, gum and ofcourse my glasses. I also had my phone, some money and that's it. I do carry alot of things. I was by now freezing even though I was dressed in alot of clothes, I had a black with a slight hint of gray long sleeved shirt , some black skinny jeans and some black boots, not to mention that my bag was also black.I was in the mood for coffee so I headed towards starbucks. I made my way towards the coffee shop it was a bit far away from the ocean area so I'll just ask any cab to drive me over there. I was still waiting while lifting my fingers or waving my hands whenever a cab pulled up but someone else would just hurry up catch the cab before I would. I waited and waited till a cab pulled up and It was now my turn to get it. I got in and gave him the directions. We pulled up infront of the coffee shop and I have him the money " keep the change " I said as I got out of the cab. I got into the shop and waited in the line to order my coffee. There weren't alot of people in there which is good because I hate being surrounded by people or as I call them "rabies". I have seen a group of girls sitting together laughing and joking around but they were just rudely staring at me. I was alright with the idea of being alone. I actually prefer to sit alone and just look out at the window without anyone by my side, at least I am used to that. I was about to order my food until...