Graced ( under edition )

Sorry.

" when you feel my heat look into my eyes, it's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide, don't get too close it's dark inside It's where my demons hide. It's where my demons "

Grace's p.o.v

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I have gone shopping since about 3 weeks. I have now moved to my new apartment. Things have changed through these past weeks. I haven't heard from ashton, whenever I call him, he emedietly rejects my call. It's okay though, I'm used to that. I was now into my room.

*flashback*

I jumped trying to place the frame on the wall. I felt an arm being wrapped around my waist and another one hanging the frame on the wall. "Here ya go ! Shortie " ashton said while chuckling. " STOP ! i'm not short " I groaned and crossed my arms against my chest. I pouted and he pulled me in for a hug. " Aww ! No you're not a Shortie. You're my Shortie " I blushed at his remark and at how childish he acts. " Now get out " he said as he pushed me out of my own room and locked himself inside. I giggled and just shook my head. I headed towards the kitchen to get us something to drink, it has been a tiring day. I grabbed the cups and headed towards my room.

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Ashton's p.o.v

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* flashback *

I started hanging the stars that light when the lights are off.  I got the picture that we took at the dinner and placed into a nice frame that I had bought for her. I was about to jump off the ladder when I heard a knock on the door.  I headed towards the door and opened it. It released her perfect petite figure. I smiled at her, took her hand and lead her inside. " close your eyes " I whispered and pulled her inside. I turned off the light and told her to open her eyes. " Woah, that's so pretty ! " she exclaimed. I smiled and pulled her into my embrace. She handed me a red cup filled with juice. I smiled at her and gestured her towards the frame. She smiled warmly at me.

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* end of flashback *

Grace's p.o.v

And that was the last time we have  talked .

~♧~♧~♧~♧~♧~♧~♧~♧~♧~

Ashton'sp.o.v

♡♡♡♡♡♡
And that was the last time we have talked.

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Grace's p.o.v

~♧~♧~♧~♧~

I had alot of band posters hanged around my room. I have been lately working harder than ever. I have even got a new MacBook and a new phone. It was a bit chilli. School starts next Monday. Countdown~~2 days left.

I don't want to go to school. I'm gonna end up getting hurt. I kinda miss ashton. My phone went off which caused me to snap back into reality. The caller ID said "Ashton". Should I answer him or shouldn't I ? Without even thinking I accepted his call. " Hey..Grace " He cheerfully said. "Hello ashton." It came out a bit more rude than I expected it to be. I was angry with him. So damn angry. " what's wrong  ? " he said, seeming a bit worried. " Oh nothing's wrong, I mean there's nothing wrong with you ignoring me, rejecting my calls and not even asking about me, right " I sarcastically said while bitterly laughing. " Oh my...I'm so sorry ! Things were a bit complicated these last few days. I'm so sorry. Please accept my apology I'm so sorry " ashton said a bit in a hurry. "It's okay ash. I can't stay mad at you forever can't I ? " I giggled. " Hey I have got some news ! GUESS WHAT..? " ashton yelled through the phone. " WHAT ? " I yelled back, and what I heard wasn't as pleasant as I thought it would be. " I have got a girlfriend " ashton said. I felt like I have been stabbed in the heart. Why do I even care ? I felt like I was a shrew. I needed to let my anger out, but me being me. I kept it on the inside. We talked for about an hour and all he did was blabber about how pretty she is. I sigh. I'll never be pretty. I'll never be loved. I felt like crying so I gave in but nothing came out. I couldn't cry. I just stared blankly at the wall. I felt a bit numb. I hate you Ashton. I hate you so bad.

I had found something that reminded me of him. The teddy bear that he once got me as a present. I hugged it and snuggled closer to it. " sorry would never change anything ashton. It would never change anything " It kinda hurts cause me and ashton have been friends for so long and we have been through alot together and he ignored me for a girl that he just met. I net she's pretty hot. I bet she's stunningly beautiful. I bet she's talented. I wish I was talented. I just wanna be something. I wanna achieve my dreams. I wanna be somebody not anybody. I lied in bed and I just felt like a whole is being formed into my heart. It was a mistake trusting you ashton. A big mistake.  I was currently surrounded by them. They greeted me. They are back. They are here. They'll fill my head and build dangerous thoughts. They are my biggest fear yet I can't live without them. They are my demons. The thoughts started filling up my head. The image of the best friends that I have missed. My razors. My blades. I need them. He said he'd be here for me but where is he now ? I got up and headed towards the loo. I got my razors from the shelf upon the sink. I quickly got one out with shaky, cold hands. There's no coming back now. I slightly slid the razor down my skin. The pleasurable feeling, the burning sensation, it all calmed me down. I washed the blood away and wrapped it up with a bandage. I still haven't cried. I'm still feeling numb. I checked the time and realized it was 2 am. Amazing. Another sleepless night. Oh how I missed those. I lied there in my bed, under the covers. Thinking. Thinking about everything and most of all I was thinking about him. His eyes. His smile. The way his face lit up when he sees something he likes. I miss his embrace. I wish he was here to hold me now. and I just lay and wish. Lay and wish. I was cold. I was numb. I was lost. when am I gonna wake up ? This is a nightmare right ? I will wake up. How can I go forward when I don't even know which way to go. I need him. He's like the heat that keeps me warm. He's like the hand that takes mine and guides me when I'm lost. I need him. Ashton broke the walls around my heart. He broke down the wall made of brick. I guess he will never break the wall made of steel. What should I do now. Should I drink my pain away. A couple of vodka shots won't hurt anyone won't It. I headed towards my kitchen and got my cranberry juice. I added some vodka to it. A cup followed the other and I was extremely wasted.

* next morning *

I woke up with a stupid hangover. I'm kinda sober since last night. Some lyrics came flashing through my head " maybe I'll get drunk again, I'll be drunk again, I'll be drunk again to feel a little love " I sigh as I took the pills placed on my bedside table. I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. I look like a mess. Hair sticking out from everywhere. And as ed sheeran once said " Love will scar your make up. " I chuckled at the thought as I headed towards the kitchen to make a cup of coffee.