Graced ( under edition )

Once dead, never alive.

" just stand on the chair and tie the rope around her neck, she wrote a letter with her hands shaking wild, look at me now, are you proud of your precious child ? But she knew her parents weren't the ones to blame it was the world that should bow down it's head in shame."

Grace's p.o.v

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I looked at his eyes and smiled while shaking my head. We both got into the hotel room and I got into the bathroom. I had a bikini that I got since a long while ago and placed it on. I looked in the mirror and wanted to puke.  Suddenly, The bathroom door flutter opened releasing an Ashton. " I am sorry I thought you weren't here. " he said " it's okay, it's just a bikini though." I kept looking at the mirror ignoring his presence. I am so damn fat. I just hate every inch of my body. I felt two warm hands being wrapped around my cold waist. Ashton. " you're so pretty" he mumbled burying his head into my shoulder. " Funny story. " I said while bitterly laughing. Be just shook his head and held me tighter. " You ready to go to bed ? " he asked me. I nodded and he just kissed my forehead. " Night, grace. ". I headed towards the bed and i couldn't sleep. I looked over at ashton and he was looking at the ceiling. Smiling. I looked at him and giggled. " Ash ! Why are you laughing at ? " " he looked at me and smiled. " I was just thinking about you. " " Am I that funny ash ? " I said while giggling. " NO ! It's not that ! It's that you're really pretty ! ". I blushed and just shook my head. I lied back and looked at the ceiling. I just wanted to cry.  I was used to that. It was a daily routine. Crying myself to sleep. I live with the fear of not being good enough. I live with the fear of being dumb. I live with the fear of not dying anytime soon. I silently let my tears flow. I couldn't bear the pain. It was so hard. I eventually fell asleep.

* next morning *

" UGH!! I am still breathing ! " I yelled while sighing. Ashton and I decided to have breakfast in the balcony. We both took our seats and he started a conversation. " So, you look a bit sad " he mumbled, I bitterly laughed and looked at him " Oh dear ashton, you know nothing about damaged people. We, damaged people, we know we can survive. Everyone fears us. Plus I'm never sad ash. I'm always happy. Can't you see ? " I said. " Yeah you're really happy ! I can tell from the scars on your wrists !" He sarcastically said. I just shook my head and looked at the view. We should be Leaving in a couple of minutes . I had everything packed up. Our car arrived and we both got in..

* skipping the long ride *

We have arrived at my apartment. It was almost midnight. Ashton was staying over, we both changed and decided to watch a movie. We were watching the scary movie and I just wanted to hide my face from that hideous scene. I turned my face but instead of hitting the couch it hit a strong surface that smelled amazing. I looked up and saw ashton smiling. I was about to get my head out of his chest but he wrapped an arm around me, pulling me closer. I rested my head on his chest and snuggled closer. He slowly kissed my nose and I just giggled.

* next morning *

I was so lazy today. I had one of ashton's shirts on. It was literally HUGE on me. I felt so tiny and fragile in that shirt.

why can't I be pretty ? Why can't I be smart ? Why can't I be skinny, or even boney.

My phone was going off so I accidentally answered way too fast. I heard all kind of cuss words being thrown at me, telling me how worthless I am, hoe stupid and dumb I am. I gulped and madly threw my phone at the wall. I was sick of this life. Tears were running down my face. I knew what I had to do next. I got the rope that I have kept hidden for ages, waiting for that day to come. I needed to do that. I got the chair ready, and stood on it. I quietly tied the rope around my neck and have written a small note.
" dear anyone,
My life wasn't the best. My life has been a living hell. I had been alone fighting that battle, and I guess I have lost. I am sorry mum, but you were one of the main reasons. And you know what ? Dad, he has been cheating on you. I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want you to get hurt while in reality you didn't give a shit about my feelings. I loved you mum. And you too dad, I will miss you, no matter what. Oh and ashton ! I am gonna miss you. Thank you for being here. I appreciate your effort. Bye ! -Grace
-Xx.  "

I closed my eyes. I Freaked out when I heard someone knock on the door. I stayed quiet. Minutes have passed and then j heard his angelic voice. " OPEN UP GRACE ! " " GRACE ARE YOU OKAY ! " " GRACE ! "
~♧~♧~♧~♧~♧~♧~♧~♧~♧~
Ashton's p.o.v

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I kept calling her name but nobody answered. I decided to do the only thing that has popped into my head. " I'm sorry grace " I yelled and emedietly pushed the door as hard as I could and it opened. " Grace ! Where the heck are you ? " I mumbled then I got into her room and...