I finally understood
I understood how our leaders became not ours.
See, away from home life was grander
The hustles of the hood weren't mine anymore, the STRUGGLES WEREN'T MINE
See, now I loved my father
Not seeing him treat my mother bad made me fond of him. The same way our leaders became fond of the oppressors at the golf pond
They were away from the oppressed and all of a sudden the oppressors weren't that bad after all
My thought process was different.
I didn't see sisSonto die from AIDS or ugogo Tsela beg the officers to let her grandson go
I was free from seeing aboMbali wear tiddly rags at - 1°C
My thoughts were porser
I was out of the hood but I never forgot the cities name, mojondolo
The bullets at night never let me forget
I now didn't have to wait 3 months to eat KFC, I could have it delivered at my door whenever.
I lost a touch of myself because I was away from my muse
I wanted the big time- an escape from the hood
I didn't know what would come after I did, just as our government didn't know what would come after our freedom
Here I was sitting around a coal stove in 2021,with my mother and sisters talking about who knows what
They giggled- me and her exchanged looks
It was our 8th day with no electricity and yet these babies had it in them to giggle
I was happy, really really happy
I could finally see how blessed we were
Yeah, we had nothing but we ate and were warm.
My neighbors weren't, so that made us privileged.
Yeah, dad was a prick but at least he came home every night
See, there's something about the hood that in your nothingness you find joy.
I hated it
I lost my virginity to it
Getting robbed and witnessing murder stole my purity, I have gotten abused by men in it but I also draw my ambition from it
All I ever wanted was to be out of the dark
And I was, I just didn't realise being in the light made my anchor snap
And my eyes open where there is light there's always darkness
"I wanna be a billionaire, so freaken bad! Laying next to Oprah and the queen"
I used to sing that song everyday
It kept my flame alight, but now I didn't want to be next to Oprah or the queen
I wanted to be next to my hood mates only on a grander platter
I have seen so much fire in the hood, flames suppressed by everyday ngodus at bra oupas
Usis Thando was livid when lockdown started
No tavern, meant no random men taking her home
It meant actually being at home with her 5 bastard kids.
27 and lifeless
uThandeka would finally get the chance to be a child, she was 7 and already a caretaker of 4
I have seen them around with tatters on their backs and tummies filled with nothing
I let them stay long enough at my place for their nothing to become something and their backs to be draped
I have contemplated calling the cops but in the hood cops aren't allowed. She was livid cause now she had to face her creations
The hood went still after hearing alcohol was banned
Immediate effect was muttered in every house
It was the answer to everyones prayer
Truth is
It kills us
Nhlakanipo got raped by her drunk uncle, uMam Joyce got beaten up by her drunk husband
And Lesego was praying for Sonto to stop being a delinquent propelled by the liquor
" there's something in this liquor, all I wanna do is.."
The hood shared a common brokenness, bujalwa
It increased the house breaks and the violence
Immediate effect was equalivent to Jesus second coming to us
Only its not because we ignore it and indulge in pineapple delicacies and steal even more money from our kids social grants to feed our urges
There are too many broken souls in the hood
Broken dreams
Broken marriages
Too many entanglements that will end up claiming lives
I hate how poverty has made the hoods
I hated our leaders for not giving half a fuck but I understood why
We loot Pakistan shops because of hunger and they loot our taxes because of greed
You can take the person out the hood but hood is wired in their programming. Looting is what we know!
I randomly hear women screaming!
It doesn't faze me anymore
I just pray God delays my turn because it will, ke jozi after all.
I walk around in fear of being the cities next victim. Dead. Beat. And raped
I have already experienced the raped so now, I just wait for the dead beat.
"stimela sase Zola" I swear those steam trains used our humanity to blaze
I walk past MTN rank expecting to be sexually harrassed
I swear these men feel entitled to my body that's why it doesn't shame them to grope my breast and pull me around.
This city breaks my heart, it loves me then leaves me alone
uBra sipho is shady with the textbooks. Him and uBab Dlamini from Sandton city steal textbook money from schools in Alex
See, Sipho's kids don't go to Gomora high, they are multiracial
So he plays blind to the needs of the kids living next to Jeskei river.
He plays pretend because he pays R7000 per annum in fees so his kids are sorted
And well uBab Dlamini went to the other side of town when the tires stopped burning.
He was chanting "SHOSHOLOZA" and burnt those bantu textbooks
"COMRADES, WE DESERVE BETTER!"
Comrade forgot he was comrade at the taste of cavier, at least bantu education provided textbooks not this Motshega sharade and there I was thinking we deserve BETTER!
The air ko Tlokweng is different besides the less pollution it lacked something else, perhaps it was gun resume.
I found it hard to sleep without the bullets singing lullabies
26 years and nothing has changed
No roads, no tap water and well no science labs for our geniuses.
My mother was one. Life gave her a sad awakening at wits. She failed, had me and well got stuck in the hood. MMOTSE to HOOD
but there's something in her. She is one of the few women in DID
She is passionate, intelligent and I know with a little push we will leave this hell hole and my sisters won't experience the hoods wrath.
I see myself in her. With enough tendering I know our little daisy will blossom and be the boss bitch, I know she is.
She is picking up some sass from me
I see it in her reasoning
My father's foolishness leaves him exposed and embarrassed
In his weird fucked up way I have seen him make her happy
I have seen the cracks in their black love but never the breaks.
I guess they meant it when they said forever and in sickness and in health. In rich and poor
Who knew they'd be like the perennial river where they met, always flowing through the highs and lows
This city is gonna break my heart
It's gonna love me and leave me alone
But I can't leave it, kagone it's the land of gold and opportunities
But the gold is with the white masters in great Britain, great from what they took from us and there's not much land left. Just corpses dropping dead. It's not just covid, this city was always going to bury us. Too much pollution, too much population and too many dreams and broken souls.
It was always going to break us.
Like how it broke families when the men came here to work at the mines.
It was always going to break our hearts
Ubuntu abuko
I mean I see it from grandfathers playing daddy to young girls, we aren't even ashamed anymore because he is the bag and I gotta secure it for the gram.
SHOSHOLOZA, "SHOSHOLOZA STIMELA STIMELA saSOUTH AFRICA!"
This city, this city, God this city!
