Between Master and Slave (Manxman, Mature)

One last night (part 2)

All our staff is here this evening. Tomorrow I have a flight from New York to Rome. After selling everything, my few possessions fit neatly I three luggage well packed and ready to go.

Everyone smiles at me and wishes me well. Their smiles, however, are polite and don't quite reach their eyes. They know well my story and don't wish me to go.

"Are you sure you want to do this Joe?" Nancy says straight out in the middle of the room, even if her words are meant for me alone, her tone and volume are conversational and few bystanders look at us. Always direct, she is voicing what everybody, including myself, wonders. I don't mind the directness however, throughout the years the people here have become friends more then employees.

"You know," she continues, "we will gladly cancel the amazing contract you gave us, just so we can see you in the morning at the office."
"You refer to the sale contract of the firm?"
Even if I had much better offers, I sold the firm that Frank and I built to our own employees, for a percentage of its value and the rest in payments based on earnings over a period of ten years."

"Yes, of course, the amazing deal you gave us on a silver platter." She replies with a smile while looking up. "We all know the only reason you did that is because you want out. But it's still unfair and we want you back at the office, you are the soul of the place."
"Thanks, I guess." I am embarrassed by the profusion of compliments. "But I have made up my mind and Frank would approve of it."

That last phrase somehow is the only true, real thought I have. Somehow, I feel Frank's approval of what I am doing, and it is what keeps me going through the entire ordeal.

The resolution must have shown plainly in my eyes as she just adds.
"So that's it, you have really made your mind then."
"Yes," is all I can manage while looking at the ground. I cannot bear the scrutiny of so many eyes upon me as I am not sure about anything and second guess myself constantly since the accident.

"Fine," she adds just as resolutely, "but let me ask you. When you came back from your vacation in Southern Italy, Frank kept on talking about this master plan of opening a B&B in Puglia. He showed us pictures of properties for sale and decoration ideas, and places to visit and things to do in the area. But never a peep from you, nothing. So are you really living your dream as you told us to explain what you are doing? Or Franks?"

"I hate it when you talk to me this way." I say the phrase as light hearted as possible since it is something I always say jokingly when she is being the voice of my conscience.
"I know, that's why I do it." She gives me the usual reply with a smile, which is normally heartfelt, but not quite today "Besides, what are good friends for if not to talk some reason in that thick thing between your ears that you call a brain."
Her lips smile but her eyes are wet with tears urging to come out.

"I...it's just that." I decide to tell her part of the truth. "Here too much reminds me of him."
"We can redecorate." She replies instantly.
"We need more then that. Even the lawyer that helped reach a settlement over Frank's family share of the inheritance, works across from us."
"You should have fought that, Frank's will was clear, it all went to you. They had no right. You would have most probably won."
"They're his family after all. Besides, I was tired."
"I know."

Then with renewed vigor she continues. "Then let's move the office. New Jersey is great, most of us live there anyway since we can't afford to live on the island. Or move to Washington, our biggest client is there." The bystanders all approve in agreement.

"It's more then that. I really feel drawn to Italy." I finally admit, the whole truth. "I don't know how to explain it. It's like, since he died, Frank really wants me there, as if I need to be there. Something he needs me to do, there. I know it must sound weird and crazy, but it's the only way I can describe it. Maybe he wants me to make a B&B since it was his dream, maybe is something else. I may sound crazy, I don't know, but I have to go and try."