The Crackheaded Adventures of the Brawltang Boys and 6mix

24- "Nobody can hate you more than you already hate yourself."

warning: this chapter contains mentions of suicidal thoughts and self-harm, as well as mentions of past abuse.

It was late. Sheik couldn't sleep, no matter how much he told himself he needed to get some actual rest. But nope, he wasn't going to sleep tonight. He'd spent enough nights like this to know where this was going.

At first, it had been his aching ankle preventing him from falling asleep. He'd tripped and fallen in practice earlier today and wrenched his ankle, and to add insult to injury Robin had started mercilessly mocking him for making one tiny mistake.

Then the pain in his ankle had only brought to mind Robin's insults, and things had spiraled down from there.

Worthless. Failure. Disappointment.

Of course he was. That's all he'd ever been. Not even his own parents wanted him alive. What hurt was the fact that once, his mother had been kind. She had been a good woman. And then he ruined everything by discovering he was gay and subsequently getting caught kissing a boy.

Then both of his parents lashed out at him.

And of course he'd tried to turn to other people to help him. Zelda had done her best, but she was the golden child. She couldn't really understand what their parents were doing to him because they were nothing but kind when she was around.

He had very few friends. That was just a fact. He tended to keep to himself because he was one of the favorite targets of the usual gang of bullies. Everybody else usually avoided him, and he spent most of his time invisible.

Until Kafei had showed up. He was a popular guy. Well-liked and generally respected. He started sitting with Sheik at lunch and making an effort to befriend him.

And it finally felt like someone saw him.

He fell right into the carefully laid trap Kafei had set for him. Two months into their relationship, he started getting abusive. It was small things at first- a comment on his appearance or home life that he would later deny ever saying and so on. The little things started getting bigger, and then eventually it got to the point that Kafei forced Sheik into having sex with him. And the bastard went on to brag about it.

Oh and then his father and a friend of his decided to do a similar thing.

Zelda had caught him in the act, but the damage had been done. Thankfully, both men were sent to jail, but that hadn't solved everything.

When he'd received the offer to join SmashHit, it had seemed like a blessing. An escape from all of the shit he'd been put through and a way to make other people happy. Because that's all he'd ever wanted to do.

Sheik was well aware that he couldn't use that as an excuse for what he'd done. He hadn't learned his fucking lesson, so honestly he deserved all of this.

Robin was right. He was a pathetic excuse for a person.

It would be better if he just killed himself. He was a mistake. A fuck up. That's all he ever would be. Nobody would even give a damn if he did it, either. Corrin had proved that.

Great. Now he was crying again. Hylia above, he needed to get a grip on himself.

Just when he'd thought he was getting better and moving on from what had happened with his parents and Kafei, he had to go and fuck up again.

This was all his fault.

No matter what he did, he would never be good enough. He would never be anything other than a waste of space.

Normally, when he got this bad, he would text Zelda or Corrin. Obviously he couldn't text his ex, because that was fucking pathetic. And it was stupidly late, so he didn't want to bother Zelda. Especially because he'd bothered her about his mental state enough. After all, this was nothing. He knew other people had it worse, so he ought to just suck it up like Robin said he should.