Shake It For Me

Spring Break Up

That morning I did what I said I was going to do. I packed enough stuff for about a week of all of our things and put them in the back of the truck. The boys were dressed and already fed for Lunch. I texted Miranda and told her I was still going through with it. She told me to just stay strong. When I got the mail we have magazines come to the house and on the front page he was there with that slut. When I saw a car pull up and Luke get out I opened the door. The boys yelled for Luke and he put on a smile. They ran to him and hugged him as he dropped his bags. I stood at the door with my arms folded. He looked up at me with a huge smile then it fell by him seeing my expression.
I walked away from the door and into the kitchen. About a few minutes later I heard him come through his door with the boys. They were running upstairs. The other noise I heard was the front door closing and bags dropping. I was looking down at the magazine and I rolled it up and had it in my hand. Anger was now cursing through my veins. I heard his footsteps come into the door way.
 
"Nikki." he said softly and I heard his steps stop close behind me.
"Yes Thomas?" I turned around with a fake smile on my face. His face went to a saddened expression. He looked down at my hand and saw the red magazine in it.
"Can we talk baby?" He looked into my eyes.
"About what? Do you have something important to tell me?" I batted my eye lashes.
"Baby, I'm sorry." He said coming closer to me and I backed away to the side of the bar in the kitchen.
"Oh, sorry? Did I hear you right? Yeah I did. Hmm. Can I believe that or was that a lie too. Just like the last 6 years Luther." I said showing I was angry now. He bowed his head.
"Can I explain please?" He looked up real quick.
"You got 5 minutes then the boys and I are out." I crossed my arms. His eyes got wide.
"No please don’t leave me baby! It was only making out. It went no further than touching outside of clothes. I was completely drunk. I was celebrating a great show with the guys and she came onto me all night and I pushed her away every time till I started to get into my drunk blacked out stage because carter and I were going shot for shot. Then she noticed I wasn't in my right mind and pounced. That’s how it got escaladed and we needed back up at the hotel I was staying at and then we got into bed and all she got to do was touch outside the pants then I pushed her off realizing what I was doing and kicked her out. I promise you on everything I love on every damn thing I ever fucking cared about that that is all that happened." He said coming closer to me. Tears fell down my face hearing him admit to cheating in some way.
"It's still fucking cheating Luther. Look at this fucking shit." I threw the magazine on the bar top. It showed the picture. He looked at it then at me. "I don't see no regret then. You may promise on all you love and fucking care about but what the fuck? You told me you love me and cared about me. How could you do this? I would never in a million years do this whether I was DRUNK OR SOBER. How could you do this to me? What about our family? what about the happiness that there WAS. How could it all be thrown away for some slut you don't even fucking know her name?" I asked angry.
"Nikki. I don't know what came over me. I know I am fucking stupid. I am beyond that actually. I regret it. I wish I could take it all back but I can't. I just want you to forgive me. I will do ANYTHING for you to forgive me. Please. I beg you. I will beg you till the end of time to forgive me even if we are 80 and wrinkled and in wheelchairs. I didn't want her all I want is you. Please believe that baby. I fucked up big time and I don't know how to make it up to you. Please don't leave me here alone. I don't want the boys or you leaving me here. I just got back. I feel like shit for doing this and have since that happening a few days back. Please baby doesn't go." Luke came over to me and put his hands on my shoulders. I just looked down and let tears fall.
"I'm leaving now." I said brushing his hands off of me. I looked at him in the eyes. "Is there more than just her?" He shook his head no. I walked passed him.
"Nikki." he called after me but I went to the stairs.
"Boys. Let's go to your Aunt and Uncles Shelton's" I yelled up and they came out of their rooms. Bo stopped at the bottom of the steps.
"Pa coming?" I just shook my head no and he ran to the door and to my truck. Then Tater slowly came down the steps. I picked him up and had him on my him. I walked to the door.
"Nikki. Please don't do this to me." Luke said from about five feet way. He had tears streaming down his face.
"No, Luke. You did this to yourself." I said and went out the door and shut it. I walked over to my truck and opened the doors.
"Mama you mad at Pa?" Bo asked as I put Tater in his seat. I looked over at him and smiled.
"Just a little." I smiled trying to reassure him.
"Pa is the reason why you cried last night isn't it?" He asked me. That boy is smart. "I don't like when your sad."
"Me too!" Tater said. I looked at the boys.
"You two make me happy. You're my reasons to smile. Don't ever forget that." I kissed their heads. "Now let's go have fun." They both got excited.
 
I headed over to Miranda's house trying not to cry as I pulled away from the house down the dirt road path. Luke was sitting on the steps with his head in his hands. This was the worst homecoming for both of us. All I know is that I can't blame myself and I have to take care of my kids and that is exactly what I'm going to do.
When I got to Miranda's they had us rooms ready for us. She was making dinner and had stuff for the boys to play. Blake was upstairs taking a nap when we got there so the boys played in their living room. I was in the kitchen with her telling her how everything that went down. She was surprised that I had the balls to say some of the things I did because of how soft spoken I am and I'm not that much of a hell raiser especially after the kids. Two of them really calms you down.
Blake came downstairs and gave me a hug. He already knew everything that went down. He knew Miranda would come to me. We told him that I'm staying there and he told me as long as I want or need too. We explained to him that for now he is going to be the contact to get the kids to Luke because I'm not keeping his kids from him. That is wrong and would make me the worse person. I also told him to make sure he knows that.
At that point I was actually worried at what Luke would do. He would probably get drunk all by himself. Hopefully he would not do something crazy. We didn't break off the marriage so it's not like he would be able to go out with women. I don't think he would. Not in the state I last saw him. Well I didn't think that he would do it to me ever but it happened.
The rest of that night I just spent it with my boys in the living room. Blake and Miranda went to bed before us and I realized it was late and both of them were suppose to get to bed. I got them to bed and went to my room. I laid down on the bed feeling overwhelmed. I looked at my phone and looked through it. He didn't try contacting me or anything. I was kind of disappointed but happy he was giving me my space.
I went through the pictures in my phone. I had almost every picture we ever had taken in there. I went through all of them from the first picture we had of when we met to our night out by the stars, to some of our dates by the lakes and our times on tour, to our engagement photos, to the wedding, to us first finding out we were pregnant, to when I was huge and he was kissing the belly. Tears were streaming down my face looking at all these. Then it went to him holding Bo for the first time. The look on his face. I got him when he was singing to him. Bo always enjoyed his daddies voice. it went on to pictures of his first birthday and Christmas and all the holidays to his first time on stage to his everything. Then it went to when I was pregnant with Tatum. These ones really made me cry. When I was huge Bo was trying to hold up my belly and then Luke and him were kissing in another picture. Then when it went to Luke holding Tater and having Bo hold his hand I lost it. We were such a happy family.
I really wish this never happened. I don’t know if I can really forgive Luke. We were such a great couple. Nothing could ever go wrong. This was my dream and it was crumbling in front of my eyes. I thought I had the perfect everything but it seems like everything has to die sometime. I still love him with all my heart though. That is what makes it so much worse. I can't just ride this out or get over it or move on. I have to really think about what I'm going to do for the family. I guess the only thing that is going to be able to tell is time.