When Both Our Cars Collide (Frerard)

22: I'm not okay - I promise

Frank's POV

It only took an hour of pointless wandering around town before the reality of my situation hit me and I broke down completely. I was already hopelessly lost, and I had no idea how I was going to get to Jersey, much less find Gerard.

I was dirt poor thanks to my drug habit, speaking of which - I was really craving a fix right now, and I had no way to get one, I had finished off the last of my stash this morning.

The stress of everything was just too much, and I collapsed onto the chilly sidewalk sobbing pathetically. I felt so dirty, and used, and worthless, and I had no idea how I was going to find the strength to move another inch.

"Frank? What are you doing here?"

The familiar voice snapped me back to my senses, and I raised my tear stained face to meet the concerned eyes of Bert - my drug dealer. We didn't talk much outside of our transactions, but we had gotten high a few times together, and he seemed like a pretty decent guy.

"Oh hey..." I sniffled, hurriedly trying to erase the evidence of my crying bout from my face, even though he had to be blind not to notice.

"Are you okay dude? You don't look so good." He leaned down and pulled me to my feet as he spoke.

"I've been better," I sighed out lamely. I didn't really want to explain my situation to Bert, fuck - I hadn't even accepted it myself.

"What happened?"

"Um...my mom kicked me out..." It was the first excuse that came to my mind, and it was believable at least.

"Dude - you're like twenty, why do you still live with your mom? I was out the door the second I turned eighteen," Bert chuckled, obviously trying to lighten the mood, and I laughed along halfheartedly.

"I guess I never really had any reason to leave until now."

"Well if you need a place to stay, you can crash with me for a while," he offered.

"Really? You would do that for me?"

I was shocked at his unexpected offer of kindness, and I wasn't going to turn down a roof over my head while I figured my shit out.

"Yeah it's no problem. I actually get kind of lonely sometimes - it's just me and my cat you know?"

I giggled at the memory of the last time I was at Bert's place. His cat Bubbles had decided that my crotch was his new favorite napping place, and even though he was pretty fat, I hadn't had the heart to move him.

"I owe you big time," was the only response I could think of, but it seemed to be enough, because a grin split Bert's face as I followed him back to his place like a lost puppy.

His apartment was basically like mine, kind of dirty and run down, but it was a place to stay, and I was used to it by now. I had only planned on crashing there for a few nights until I decided how I was going to get to Jersey, but somehow days turned into months, and I still hadn't left.

I began helping Bert out with his dealing to earn my keep, and he kept me well supplied in return. We actually became pretty good friends, and I enjoyed his company more than I was expecting to.

He was so chill and laid back that being around him relaxed me - all the drugs he provided me with might have helped as well, and he seemed genuinely happy to have me around. He must have really been lonely to want a depressed freeloader like me in his life, but I wasn't complaining.

Eventually I realized that I was just hiding from my rapidly approaching end, because as soon as I made sure Gerard was happy, I was going to kill myself. I had nothing left to live for, so I might as well get it over with.