Hermitcraft Oneshots and Requests

Survivor

Requested by That-One-Genderfluid

I haven't been feeling my best recently, so I was hoping to write a bit of a vent fic about feeling empty. It's been storming on my end, and that has been making me feel calm and empty at the same time. I wanted to reflect those feelings.

But then discord kept demanding angst, so this is what we've ended up with. I'm sorry if this hits a little too close to home for any of you as it does for me.

I'm proud of you for having made it this far, no matter what your story is. You, my friend, are a survivor.

TW; Explicit description of self harm.
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Word Count: 2125

Iskall was seated under a thick canopy of leaves, amongst the large branches of their own base. They brought their knees all the way up to their chest, their arms wrapped around to hold the position. They watched silently as the last few raindrops fell from the sky, gently cascading down the jungle leaves and occasionally hitting their head. The world around them seemed grey. Diseased. Perhaps a little bit dead. They supposed that the world always seemed like that, at least to them. The colours must have been so vibrant for those around, who were just so much happier than they were.

Everyone had baggage that they needed to carry around; Iskall knew that well. Hermitcraft, as a community, was an escape from the harrowing past that each of them had been forced to live through. They knew that the others had also been through a lot. Perhaps that was what brought about this pathetic feeling. The knowledge that others had it worse than them, but were still dealing with it a lot better than they were. Past trauma was not a competition, or a thing meant for comparison, but it wasn't a mindset that they could quite avoid, no matter how hard they tried. It had always been second nature for them to belittle themselves, in anything said or done. Right now was no exception.

Iskall heaved a sigh, allowing the cold air around them to fill their lungs completely. It was just one of those days, where everything felt hazy. Thoughts came and went like the wind, each one leaving behind a vacuum of empty feeling. It was just one of those moments that felt devoid of joy, coinciding a little too well with the fear that it would stay that way forever. Iskall knew better than that. They knew that happiness was just around the corner, and all they needed to do was make it there. The hollow feeling that lay rested in their chest wasn't there to stay.

But a question bore it's way into their mind. What if it did? What if they were trapped inside this feeling forever? What if their soul had died, sometime that day? What if this was where their remains would lay? And all that was left were remnants of a life that hadn't been lived as fully as they would have liked.

They buried their face deeper into their knees, taking yet another deep breath. The rain had a sweet scent that they gladly welcomed into their senses. Unlike the other days, that were far too hot and humid, today was cold, each light breeze that passed by sending a chill to their spine. It helped them stay awake, even as the fatigue of working day in and day out weighed heavy on their eyelids. They needed a moment inside of their own head space, to introduce themselves to the demons that had made a home in their mind. Perhaps they could befriend them, and the terrors wouldn't keep them up at night.

The eyes that they didn't realise had closed slowly opened, focusing intently on the dabbles of green that were in their field of vision. They lifted their upper body, to slowly lean their back against the damp bark of the tree. From one of the highest branches of their base, everything underneath just seemed so small. From a build so tall, even the mighty jungle trees became comparable to dwarves. To the universe, everything must have appeared even smaller, and they themselves must have been the smallest, most insignificant spec, like a dust particle dancing mindlessly in the wind. The thought didn't ease their mind, but at least the view was nice. They brought their hand up, pointing tiredly at the leaves that surrounded their field of vision. There were far too many to count. But that wouldn't stop them from trying.