Found In The Wild Waves

Chapter 3

Weak...

Natapos ang lunch break and luckily as i came back inside the classroom, the guy earlier is already gone. I just secretly had a sigh of relief. At least i won't ambarass myself too much in front of him anymore and i just wish that our paths will never cross again.

However, kahit wala na 'yung lalaki ay nando'n pa rin 'yung tinginan ng mga classmate ko sa'kin, but that's still better than seeing him again but i wonder why those people make such a big deal with everything? Does medling with someone else's situation really gives satisfaction? May mga tao talagang hilig silipin ang buhay ng iba pero walang oras para silipin ang sa kanila.

I just didn't mind them and went to my seat. I don't wanto to associate myself with them. I feel like i don't really belong here but i have to fit in here. I don't know how i am going to handle things from now on dahil ang mga taong nasa paligid ko ngayon ay naiiba talaga sa'kin pero kailangan kong pakisamahan sila. I know that one of these days, hindi ko rin sila matatakasan.

Natapos ang klase at isa ako sa mga naiwan sa room dahil nakatulog ako sa last subject at uwian na nang magising ako. I guess no matter which school i am in, i am still the same student. Lihim na lang akong napangiwi dahil wala man lang nag-abalang gumising sa'kin. Although i really appreciate it, they could just at least wake me up when it's time to go home.

Nang makalabas ng classroom ay tinignan ko ang wrist watch ko. Maaga pa naman para umuwi. Wala rin namang nag-aabang sa'kin sa bahay pero gusto ko na ring umuwi. I hate myself when i'm alone at home but i prefer staying like that then staying in here. Besides, my sleep earlier is making me still sleepy right now. I feel like i really have to go to bed or else i'm going to sleep right on this floor.

Nagmadali akong bumaba ng hagdan. I am still sleepy but i still can manage. But when i was just a few steps away from the ground, i feel like there's somthing slippery in there which made me lose balance while going down the stairs.

"Ah!" Sigaw ko nang maisip na hindi pa tapos ang kahihiyan ko sa araw na 'to.

Napapikit ako nang mariin at hinintay na lumagapak ako pababa pero wala akong naramdaman na masakit maliban sa mahigpit na hawak sa braso at bewang ko at pagkakalapad ng palad ko sa matigas na dibdib. I can feel my heart that's almost going out of my chest. I felt fear. I don't want to die with an ambarassing cause of death!

"Miss, kanina titig lang ginagawa mo, now you're even touching me. Sumusobra ka na, ah?" The man said.

I am so scared to even open my eyes. Hindi pa rin kumakalma ang puso ko but the voice that i just heard is kinda familiar. That voice made me think that opening my eyes isn't the best choice but i have to! I slowly opened my eyes with the high hopes that i am not going to see the man that i am assuming him for but all i felt was just disappointment.

Dahil sa gulat ay mabilis ko siyang naitulak palayo. Our position is just so awkward! But that was just a wrong foolish move of mine! When i pushed him away from me ay tuluyan na akong nahulo sa hagdan.

"Ouch..." i whispered when i felt my back hurts, as well as my foot.

Nang makita ang buong lugar ay nanlumo na talaga ako. Siya nga talaga ang nakita ko at ang mas nakakainis pa ay marami pa ang students na nandito which means nakita nila ang kahihiyan ko. I feel like i wanted to cry right now because of so much frustrations.

I hate this. Ayaw kong napapahiya at mas lalong ayaw kong naaagaw ang atensiyon ng ibang tao. Ang mga tingin nila ay nagawa akong takutin. Pakiramdam ko ay tuluyan na akong nanigas sa pwesto ko dahil sa sobrang takot. Gusto ko ng umiyak pero pilit kong pinigilan ang sarili ko. This is not the best time and place to show how really weak i am.

Kahit na masakit ay pinilit kong tumayo at humarap sa kanila. Ramdam ko ang sobrang pagkapahiya pero kailangan kong labanan 'to. I'll just make a fool of myself more than this if i make a mistake again. At least i have to face this problem of mine.

Pinilit kong humarap sa grupo nila at ngumiti kahit na taliwas 'to sa gusto ko talagang gawin.

"Miss, are you okay?" Tanong ni Klare .

I smiled at her, "I-i'm okay... Sorry sa abala and thank you!" 'yun na lang ang sinabi ko and i walked as fast as i could to get away from them.

Rinig ko pa ang pagtawag nila sa'kin but i chose not to look at them dahil sa sobrang kahihiyan. Habang tumatakbo ay marahas kong pinalis ang mga luhang lumalandas sa pisngi ko. I really am weak! Simpleng pagkapahiya lang ay umiiyak na kaagad ako! Kahit kailan ay napakahina ko talaga. No wonder why i am just like this. No wonder why i haven't made an improvement for myself.

Simple things just makes me cry and i really hate myself for that. I wish i am stronger than who i am now. I hate being this weak. I hate being this inferior to my feelings.

Pagkapasok ko sa loob ng apartment ko naramdaman ko na naman ang pamilyar na pakiramdam pero hindi ko pa rin maintindihan kung ano. The feeling of being complete at the same time incomplete. The feeling of beimg happy yet feels sad. The feeling of laughing while crying.

I just sighed when i felt that right away. It's been a long time since i felt that but still i can't get used to it. I remembered what happened to me today.

"What a great first day. So much of it!" i just laughed at myself but that laugh feels empty at all.

Bigla kong naalala ang mukha ng lalaking 'yon and suddenly, i felt something. Something i can't name. It confuses me and at the same time, scares me.

As i remembered what happened today, di ko na naman maiwasang mag-isip ng mga bagay na at the end hindi ko naman talaga mabigyan ng sagot. Siguro bukas ay ako na ang laman ng usapan although posible rin namang hindi but just in case na ako nga, hindi ko alam kung paano haharapin 'yon. Natatakot ako.

Why does people always look at what others are doing but can't mind their own business? Why can't they just focus on theirselves and stop wasting their time on someone whom they considered as nothing?

Nawalan ng emosyon ang mukha ko but then i just smirked because of the sudden idea on my mind.

"Sinasabi nilang wala silang pakialam pero kung makatingin sila eh para bang may pakialam talaga sila. Hindi dahil nag-aalala sila pero dahil uhaw lang sila sa posibleng makakaaliw sa kanila." i laughed at myself. Maybe knowing someone's story satisfies their mind and soul.