My New Stepbrother

7

Angel

He stared down at me, like what just happened meant that we were bonded forever. He was searching my eyes again trying to figure out what I was thinking—but I wasn't thinking much of anything. That familiar numbness came back to me as easily as riding a bike would. He had just taken something valuable, and precious to me.

I was pretty sure he only used a finger; but couldn't that still count as rape? Doing my research yesterday, still didn't prepare me enough because I had so many questions. Was I still a virgin now? And what happened to me, what came out of me? I didn't want his hands all over me, or his finger inside of me, but there was such a random intensity that was built up inside of me...then it washed away; and that part felt good. I couldn't help but feel like that would've been more enjoyable if anything that happened was something  I actually wanted.

But at this point, there wasn't much of anything I could do or say; at least that's what I figured. Mother told me that Peter was already upset at the fact that Blake and I weren't getting along as much. Maybe this was the only way to solve that problem and to allow my mother to stay happily married; and free of any debt or hardships.

The tragic part was, I wanted to at least be upset or angry or broken; I wanted to feel something! But when he took that last piece of me, that innocence, the last thing that I felt I could control in my life; that's when I knew nothing mattered. People didn't matter, this planet didn't matter, nothing mattered, except maybe my mother. Clearly though, my own life didn't matter. So what was the point in caring about things that you just can't control?

I took a deep breath deciding this was for the best. If this is what could keep everyone around me happy, then I might as well just deal with it. If mom found out about what Blake did, she'd probably leave Peter and we'd go back to struggling and she wouldn't survive that. Sometimes in life, people have to make sacrifices; hell sometimes people are the sacrifices. Which was a lesson I had to learn far before I was ready.

"You okay kitten?" Blake asked, once we finally got near the school. The drive seemed to be extra long, but still it passed by in a blur since I was lost in my thoughts.

"Yes."

I felt fine at least, I thought. I equated that since I didn't feel anything that meant that I felt okay.

"So we need to go over some rules now." Blake said, once we were parked.

"Okay."

He looked at me, almost sheepishly. He was still searching my eyes. I think he wanted to find something, anything. Like anger, aggression, sadness...something other then what was there; which was nothing.

"You understand that you belong to me now."

I felt like a robot, responding how I thought he wanted me to. "Yes." I said.

"And you understand that you can't tell anybody right? Not even your mom?" He asked.

"Yes."

He swallowed, then scratched his head. "I don't want you hanging around any boys." He leaned over and whispered in my ear. "Your body is mine kitten. Everything about you belongs to me."

I shivered, I still didn't think I'd ever get used to being so close to him; but I still nodded my head, not arguing with him. Then he kissed my neck.

"Today, after school, we're going to go to a personal family doctor; and he's going to get you set up on some birth control." He continued.

"What? Why?" I asked, I couldn't help it.

"Because I fucking said so." He snapped. Then he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and continued. "Because...sex won't be as enjoyable if we have to use condoms all the time."