My New Stepbrother

8

Blake

Hate is a very strong word. When my kitten looked at me, with those big beautiful golden eyes that looked like literal sunshine, and proclaimed her hate for me, I felt broken. It hurt me even more then when mom left. The reason why being, because I was starting  to love her. I loved everything about her, her sandy brown her, that beautiful neck, her luscious body, her eyes of course, and not to mention her personality.

She wasn't like other girls; she wasn't bright and sunshiny without a care in the world. She was dark, like me, and probably had endured just as much pain as me. Instead of her bringing more light to my life like I initially thought she did, she just made me realize that life isn't really bright or happy; she was like me, and that made me more comfortable being myself around her. I couldn't reveal my true self to anybody; not even my dad...but with her I could.

But when she said those words she made me realize, maybe I was taking things too far. Maybe we weren't two peas in a pod or two lost souls that just so happened to find each other. Maybe I was just too dark for her; though, that thought was too sickening to even consider, because if Angel wasn't for me...then who was?

I went to the bathroom door ready to pound on it and demand her to face me, but then I thought about how terrified and broken she actually looked. Normally when I searched her eyes, there weren't many emotions there, which was why I initially thought she was as dark as me; she was too broken to feel anything. But a few moments ago, after she noticed blood that came from her own body...and then looked at me because I was what caused it, it made me truly feel like a monster.

I was in my own room now just thinking about everything that happened, and everything we had already been through. Did I go too far? All those times that I had gotten aroused by her, did she not want me to act on it? Was she truly happy with being...alone? Because I wasn't.

But was it wrong making things about me? Should I have been considering her feelings more? I punched a pillow, anger engulfing me like a fire. What a fucking monster I am. I went to my drawer and pulled out my razor, and cut any spot on my arm that wasn't already bruised. I could barely even feel the cuts now that I did them so much; but it didn't bring me any comfort or peace like I used to. Instead it made me more angry. I couldn't ever get anything right!

For heavens sake, all the girl wanted to do initially was be a good stepsister...and I changed it to something so dark and crass. I deserved the fact that she hated me, I deserved the fact that mother left me...I deserved everything in this stupid life that I got.

But:

she came to me. On a particularly dark night in fact, like an actual angel. She saved me. She came to me for a reason, there had to be a reason; and with that fact in mind, I put away the blade then got dressed for dinner.

I stepped outside of my room, then walked downstairs looking to see if anybody else was ready. I saw Katherine and dad sitting next to each other on the sofa, smiling and laughing. They genuinely looked happy...which made me feel a little jealous. Would I ever be that happy with anyone?

"Hey." I said, making presence known.

"Blake! Hey sweetie how are you."

I almost rolled my eyes at her chipper voice, but opted to just nod my head. "Fine. How was your trip?" I asked.

"It was amazing, exactly what I needed." She smiled again. "How's my daughter doing?"

It felt like an intentional set up, like she already knew the answer to the question. It only made me wonder, could she know how her daughter was doing? Would Angel tell people what was going on..? I racked my hands through my hair that I had spent thirty minutes combing—the nerves taking over.