He's Mine | Jikook

47| I Want You To Feel My Pain

He felt cold.

So cold.

"Hyung, you're mine. And I am yours. That's the only thing that really matters."

It didn't sound right. The words were supposed to comfort him, to make him feel safe and warm.

Instead, they felt oppressive.

Suffocating.

They just felt.. cold.

As if there was no meaning behind them.

Jungkook grabbed his chin tightly to forcefully make him look into his eyes, squeezing the younger's cheek so much it must've hurt. Jimin didn't even try to struggle against his grip this time and just stared back at him with a dark gaze, eyes distant.

No emotion.

No sympathy.

No regret.

Nothing.

"The only thing that really matters, huh?" the doctor began, "You're so pathetic, Jimin. So insensitive. You can't stop pointing fingers at others, although you're part of the problem too. What are you? A savior? Do you honestly believe that you saved me?"

The model started to move, but Jungkook's grasp remained firm. No, he had the upper hand now. Jimin wouldn't be able to change that.

This time, he had no power.

"You're right: I'm a terrible human-being. Until now, hiding my true self seemed to be the only way to make everyone around me happy. Seohyun, Sungjin, my father.. as if the real Jungkook was a mistake. Useless. Uncontrollable. Disgraceful. Imperfect."

Jimin still struggled, grabbing his wrist to make him let go. Again, Jungkook stayed unfazed.

"Then you, Park Jimin, decided to step into my life and ruined my act. Or filter, as you like to call it. Thinking that bringing out my true self would make everything better- make life easier. For you."

He knew the smaller was in pain. Both physically and mentally. Still, Jungkook decided to ignore it- just like Jimin did when he had opened up to him.

"Well, you were wrong. How can you expect me to fully embrace my real me when I've been made aware all my life that the real me is.. bad?" He asked, his voice merely a whisper, "Tell me, Jimin. Do you truly believe that you saved me?"

The younger obviously had something to say, but Jungkook wasn't finished yet.

"You're not a hero, Jimin. You're a villain. You didn't make me embrace my real self because you wanted to help me. You did it because you knew that it was horrifying. You knew that it was destructive and caused great harm to others. You knew that it would cause pain. Ruin lives. You knew it would cause tragedy. That's the only reason you encouraged it- to see the people around me suffer. To make them feel nothing but pain. Because you like watching them go through hardships. Because you like watching them become sad and heartbroken. Because you like watching them experience the same pain you once had to endure. You're hurt, so everyone else has to suffer, too. Seeing other people's misery makes you feel.. complete. It gives you power and control- things you never had before. You think it makes you look strong, but Jimin- you're weak. You're not able to take back the control over your own life, simply because it's already too late. You already turned into the person they wanted you to be. You fucking hate yourself, and the only way to cope with it is by making others hate themselves too. Well, let me tell you something: none of this will make you feel better. It'll only make your wretched and dreary life a little more bearable. You'll never be in control of your own mind. It's already full of other people's bullshit."