September 2020 Writing Prompts

Day 12 - Insecurities

Sorry, guys. I stayed up super late watching Julie and the Phantoms (gr8 show, btw).

I was strong once, I think. I could actually talk to people without anxiety controlling my every move. Guilt overwhelmed every thought as anxiety loomed over me, using my guilt for my old friend to its advantage.

If I hurt her, I could hurt someone else just as easily. It's better not to get close to anyone. Why go through more self-inflicted pain when you can isolate yourself from everyone and everything?

That's why I got a small cabin in the woods. No contact means I wouldn't be able to do anything horrible again. I only had to leave once a month to get food and other necessities. People in town always gave me weird looks and I pretended not to notice, despite being hyperaware of every glance my way.

Those trips only lasted an hour at most, but each time I still repeated the same cycle. At first, I would stay home as fear and guilt overtook me, throwing me into a sobbing ball of panic. The other perk of being alone meant that Rose wouldn't be able to find me as easily. She would still find me, but maybe, just maybe, I'd have a chance to escape.

Later, I started running. Where didn't matter. I just had to getaway. I think I used that to run away from those thoughts as if they didn't plaque my thoughts constantly. After a few months, I realized I was running to the same spot every single time.

It was a large waterfall that fell into a large pond that fed a swiftly moving river. I didn't bother learning what river it was or where it went. I didn't need to. Ever since Rose gave me these godforsaken water powers, I've always kind of known where a body of water goes. It didn't go to the end, but I got a pretty good idea.

On one of those runs, I must have tripped or something because I fell face-first into the water. As I sunk down, deeper and deeper, those thoughts dulled almost as if they had been left up at the surface. Breathing underwater was the easiest thing I could do with my magick, so on those darker days, when my thoughts overwhelmed me and threatened to kill me more, I dove down into my pond and drifted there, uncaring and unthinking.

It was such a blissful quiet, slowly drifting down into the murky depths of the crystal clear water. That pond was so deep compared to its size. If I had been thinking about it then, I would have noted how people must have drowned down there.

This is not good. RIP