Untangling a Memory

Packed bag, closed book

Only a day after the briefing, Steve, Sam, and Natasha were packing their bags to leave with T'Challa and Okoye for the mission to take down the black market vibranium traders. Bucky was both sad to see them leave and happy for some time to himself. He had spent so much of his life, whether he liked it or not, to being on his own that he'd gotten very comfortable and accustomed to the alone time. Too much time spent around others could be overwhelming for him. On the other hand, he had really loved having them around and feeling as if he had a family again. They reminded him of what it felt like to be his younger, gregarious self.

"Hey Steve." Bucky knocked lightly on Steve's ajar door.

"Come on in, Buck!" Bucky let himself in and sat down on the made bed next to where Steve was packing his duffel. "How are you?"

Bucky had a small smile, though looked a little nervous. "I'm ok. I mean, I'm pretty good."

Steve kept walking around the room collecting things, but noticed the expression on Bucky's face. "Yea? You seem like you have something on your mind. You feeling ok about us leaving? We all don't have to go. I could stay..."

Bucky cut Steve off before he could finish. "Steve, we both know you're going. You need to go. You are Captain America!" Bucky smirked and Steve rolled his eyes at him.

Steve moved to the bathroom to start collecting things. "So, are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

Bucky looked down at his lap considering bailing on the conversation, before looking back up in Steve's direction. "Yesterday, during the briefing..."

"Yup," Steve responded while continuing to put his toiletries in a kit.

"You asked about some Russian intelligence. At the time, I assumed you were asking me about it. But then, Natasha responded..."

Steve stepped out from the bathroom now. He wasn't done packing in there, but was getting the sense he should be giving Bucky his undivided attention. "Yea, I figured you both might have some insight."

"Yea..." Bucky started again, but trailed off. He looked down at his hands, his right, human thumb running over the back of his left metal hand now. Steve recognized the self-soothing gesture he had seen from Bucky many times before and sat down on the bed next to him.

"Buck, I'm sorry if I shouldn't have brought you into the conversation yesterday, knowing that Nat probably could have handled most of the intelligence herself. I figured you might know things about what we'd be dealing with that she wouldn't have. But I'm sorry if I pushed you too soon."

Bucky looked up at Steve, still stroking the back of his hand. "No, no. I actually kind of liked being included. But I... I didn't know Natasha knew about all of that stuff. That she knows the kinds of things that I know."

Steve nodded. "Yea, I guess you and I haven't talked about it much. And honestly, I don't know all that much about Nat's history or where she learned all of it from. You have seen how she can be, she's kind of a closed book."

"But you know some. You knew she could be helpful, right?"

Steve understood what Bucky was getting at. Natasha and Bucky had history in common- they had both had been pawns for the KGB, for HYDRA. They had grown up in the soviet intelligence complex and had to go through the intense and ruthless training involved in that. So, with Bucky still missing most of his memories, Natasha might be able to fill in gaps that Steve couldn't. 

"Yea, I thought she might be. We've worked together quite a bit by now and she is usually the one who is able to educate the rest of us on spy techniques and practices, especially soviet. Fury utilized her a lot because her knowledge was so varied and she could mould herself to many situations. She did a lot of missions involving HYDRA since it was mostly based in soviet nations after the war. And she has been as hell-bent as any of us on taking HYDRA down after finding out that she been working for them while at SHIELD."

Bucky nodded along trying to take this all in. "So, do you know where she received her training?"

Steve looked up and pursed his lips in thought. "Well, I know she grew up in Russia. She didn't have any parents, so I think that's somehow connected to how she ended up working for the KGB. But as I said, she's a closed book."

"Do you think there is any chance we ran into each other while I was in Russia?" Bucky looked at Steve. Steve knew he'd finally gotten to the heart of Bucky's questions.

"I don't know. She's never mentioned it, but if you really want to know, you'd have to ask her. Really, on any of this, she is going to be able to give you a much answers than I can."

"I know, I just don't know Natasha that well yet. I don't know her like you do and..."

Steve finished his sentence for him. "And it's hard to ask someone about things they may know about you that you don't know about yourself."

Bucky nodded. He hadn't had a conversation like this with Steve in a while and it felt good. Steve was so gentle and caring in these talks, it really allowed Bucky to let his guard down. "Thanks, Steve."

"Hey Rogers!" Natasha had come busting in through the door and stopped in her tracks when she saw them. "Ooooo, sorry! I can come back later. I don't want to interrupt bro-talk." Natasha smirked.

Steve smiled and pretended to be annoyed, "Go ahead, Nat. You know where to find my sweatshirts. Just don't take the..."

Natasha ran over to his closet, picked out the one she knew was his favorite and left, locking eyes with Bucky as she exited. Her smile was warm and playful. It picked up his spirits after the serious talk with Steve, even if he was still anxious about what he was still learning about his shared history with her.

Steve rolled his eyes at Natasha and let out a sigh as she'd closed the door behind her. "I tell you, she'll drive us all crazy."

Bucky laughed lightly, "does she always do that?"

"The sweatshirt? Oh yea. It's a sweatshirt, a t-shirt, sometimes gym shorts. You'd swear she never got clothes of her own."

Bucky smiled. He was a little jealous of Steve's close relationship with Natasha, the way she was so comfortable around him, that she'd just burst in his room without saying anything or a worry as to what she might find. He didn't have that kind of closeness with anyone, but hoped he'd be fortunate enough to have it with someone someday.

Steve had gotten back up to continue packing, knowing that he and the others would be leaving in just a couple of hours. "Hey Buck?"

Bucky turned to look up at him. He'd realized he'd been starring into space, thinking, since Natasha had left.

"You can call me anytime you want while I'm away. Just because I'm not here doesn't mean we can't talk. If anything, it gives me a break from having to listen to Natasha bicker and Sam flirt."

Bucky laughed and got up to walk over towards his friend. "Thanks, Steve. I'll take you up on that. Just don't take the call in the middle of beating up anyone. I don't like being put on hold."

Steve laughed back at Bucky, happy to hear him back to joking. Bucky nodded towards Steve and left him to finish packing.

Listen to: "Further the Sky" - Gabe Dixon