Untangling a Memory

Because you could hurt me

The next day started as usual. Following a light breakfast, Steve, Sam, Natasha, and Bucky headed to the gym for a workout and some sparring. They had begun the bracketed sparring competition that Steve had suggested upon their return from their mission and both Bucky and Natasha were off to an early lead. True to their word, their practicing had made them particularly formidable opponents. But Steve also was noticing more and more about what Bucky had said regarding their similar fighting styles and how Natasha challenged him in a way the others couldn't. Watching them spar with each other was a lesson unto itself.

After the morning workout, the four of them took their showers and redressed before lunch in the kitchen. They enjoyed the warm weather on the veranda as they ate together, chatting about nothing in particular. Light midday clouds had started to roll in, meaning that a pool day wouldn't be nearly as comfortable as the day prior. So, they resolved to hang out in the common room, playing games or watching tv instead.

Steve and Sam left shortly after they finished their lunches. They were having a brief meeting with T'Challa about a possible disturbance in Spain that could result in an upcoming mission. Meanwhile, Natasha and Bucky continued to enjoy the peaceful silence on the veranda.

Natasha was sat low in her chair, eyes closed with her face pointed toward the sky, her thoughts pleasantly unfocused. She could feel the sun occasionally poke through the clouds, warming her face. She let out deep contented breaths, feeling restful even after the lack of sleep.

Bucky looked at his hands mostly, rubbing his right thumb over the back of his left hand, feeling the smooth, cool metal underneath his callused fingertip. He would occasionally glance over to Natasha, then back to his hands. Back to Natasha. Back to his hands. He felt relaxed, yet something was still gnawing at him.

"How have you been feeling since you got back?" Bucky's soft words suddenly broke the silence.

Natasha didn't change her position or open her eyes as she responded. "Mostly good, I guess. I think it was the right decision. I'm glad that Steve bugged me to come back."

Bucky let the stillness hang in the air after Natasha's response, nodding briefly as he continued to look at his hands in his lap. Without realizing it, the pressure his thumb was exerting on the metal it was rubbing began to grow.

"I was actually wondering about that."

"Hmmm?" Natasha spoke almost as if she was purring.

"Why did you come back when Steve went to get you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, why did you go when Steve asked, but you wouldn't even see me?"

Natasha sighed, opening her eyes to stare at the sky. She pursed her lips, searching the clouds for an answer. "I don't know."

"But there must have been a reason."

"Does it matter? I'm back, right?"

Bucky paused again, trying to decide how much he wanted to push the conversation. But he decided that he needed to know. He was rubbing the back of his hand intensely enough now that it was beginning to shine particularly in that spot.

"Yeah, and of course I'm glad you are. I'm so happy you're back. I just don't understand."

"Barnes, just drop it! Ok?" Natasha's tone had dropped an octave as she became irritated. She sat up straight in her chair, running her hands angrily through her hair.

He should really just let it go, he knew he should. But the more irritated she became, the more he knew it meant to her, whatever the reason was. His anxiety built as her anger did.