Untangling a Memory

Gone

Natalia's eyes slowly opened to sunlight spilling over every surface of her room. She felt the sting of the metal on her wrist, pulling above her head, and she pulled the blanket closer around her. She was shivering as she batted the sleep from her eyes, cold burying deep into her body, replacing warmth that had encased her only hours before.

She looked around: No boots. No jacket. No arms, chest, or blue eyes to keep her safe. As quickly as he had come, he had gone again.

It was like waking from a dream, but she was sure that it hadn't all been in her mind. James had been here, laying next to her, kissing her forehead, and holding her tightly until she fell asleep in his arms. He must have left early to not be detected once the sun had risen, replacing her restraint as he went. Natalia had slept past their usual time to meet each morning, but she had a feeling that was his intention- let her sleep in and enjoy the glow of their time together for as long as possible.

Minutes later, the door to Natalia's room abruptly opened. The man came in and checked the window lock, satisfied that it hadn't been disturbed, noting the thick layer of snow that laid on the roof outside the glass. He checked above and below the bed, and shook out Natalia's clothes, once in a tidy stack on her chair now thrown in a heap on the floor. He pulled back the blanket on the bed and roughly shifted Natalia's body from side to side checking for contraband, finding none. Finally, content with the morning check of her room, he clicked the metal restraining her arm and swiftly left, closing the door behind him.

Natalia sat in her bed, rubbing her wrist where it chaffed and bled, thinking back to recent events. As she thought over every detail, one thing came to mind- this must have been the happiest moment of her life. No one cared for her, protected her, loved her like James did. She was awestricken with emotion, but knew she needed to file it away in her brain. She couldn't let her overwhelming happiness show, as she was expected to not allow emotions rule her.

Natalia readied herself for class and joined the other girls in the hallway, heading down together for breakfast. The porridge they ate was lumpy and cold, but she wasn't hungry. She was anxious to see James, even as she tried to keep the butterflies in her stomach at bay.

Finally, they went to the hall for their training, but there was no sign of James. Instead, another trainer appeared in his place and ran their lessons for the day. Natalia thought about asking whether James was sick or would be rejoining them soon, but she knew this would be out of line. So, she just focused on her training and making it through the rest of the day without losing focus.

James didn't visit Natalia that night, so she went to their usual spot for training in the morning, hours before the other girls would wake. But James never appeared. Natalia sat in the middle of the room, crosslegged on the floor for the whole 2 hours starring at the door, unmoving and without fidgeting. She didn't hear a peep, so finally she returned to her room as she normally would and tucked herself in before the man would come around to let her out as usual.

This continued, day after day, for a whole week. Each morning, Natalia would sneak out of her room, silently move to cellar where they met to train, sit on the floor waiting for James to appear, and return to her room when there was no sign of him. Each day, the new instructor had come in to teach them instead of James. No one had said a word as to why he wasn't there or why a change had been made. The girls had to accept it unquestioningly.

On the eighth day, Natalia had finally had enough. She couldn't contain herself any longer, anxiety driving her to make dangerous and irrational decisions. If James was still on the grounds, she had to find him.