obsession • baeksoo

pt. 41

baekhyun was cautious at first after the reassuring morning spent with kyungsoo. he was worried that history would repeat itself, that he'd be so gullible due to kyungsoo's words; that he'd be abandoned again.

but things didn't go the way baekhyun always worried they would.

kyungsoo did stay with him, he didn't tell him to go, he didn't ever tell him he wasn't wanted like his mother had.

it was just the way things always were, before baekhyun mentioned that he'd murdered someone; before kyungsoo knew about jongin or the folders on his laptop.

days with kyungsoo soon turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and it was nearly a year since baekhyun had ever met kyungsoo; that fateful day. he remembered it just like yesterday, the leaves were just turning brown, the mornings more colder, university work piling up.

a part of him was nostalgic over his old ways. how liberating it was to just dive into a person he know nothing about; how things were the way they'd always been. thoughts of his past were bottled up and pushed aside, he only cared about his obsessions and nothing else, but now that he looked back on it, it wasn't all perfect. it was as if he still had a weight on him, a ball and chain on his foot that restricted him from being able to handle the memories of his childhood.

the weight of his past that he never quite understood how to handle.

no one ever did tell him how he should cope with those things. no one stayed long enough to care.

but now he had kyungsoo.

and he was trying his best to change for him, he promised he would; not only to the male but also to himself because if he didn't keep up with this he knew he'd ruin it all once again.

he'd have no one and he didn't want that.

it was difficult being so confronted with his past, that his whole life things were never normal for him. he knew they weren't, he just never liked to think about it.

but he had to now, kyungsoo insisted on baekhyun to get help. a part of baekhyun didn't understand where to start, he didn't know what help meant.

he'd never gotten help before. the thought of getting help never crossed his mind. he would just bottle everything up, it always seemed like a good idea at the time, never dealing with his problems.

but years of that caused him to reach the brink. he couldn't do it anymore, he couldn't handle the constant weight on his shoulders, the constant burden of his past and now he was dealing with consequences of that; now he was cleaning up the mess he'd made.

and one day kyungsoo mentioned therapy.

baekhyun wasn't sure at first. he was persistent that he was fine, that he could handle it all himself.

but deep down he knew he couldn't do it himself, it was matter of fact, everything the two had just went through was an example. he was always so reliable on kyungsoo, he always needed him. he always needed the reassurance that he wouldn't be alone.

and eventually he gave in to kyungsoo's constant wishes.

baekhyun never did enjoy it, constantly having to talk and open up about his feelings, how he felt about it all, his childhood, even now with his obsessions and being so suddenly pushed aside by his mother after he'd only just found her.

he always complained about it to kyungsoo and yet, there was an improvement, they both noticed it. baekhyun had learned ways to control his anger or when he was too overwhelmed.

yet the dogs still always got on his nerves.

the three little dogs kyungsoo and him had in their shared apartment, two poodles and a corgi; which was supposed to be baekhyun's but had mostly bonded with kyungsoo.