stardust | park seonghwa ✓

40

I NEVER made it to the studio that day. All my energy had been drained and all I did when I finally got home was lie on my bed, staring blankly at the ceiling and every so often wiping a tear that managed to escape my eyes. Since then, I told myself that I shouldn't be crying. After all, it's my fault that I let my hopes fly too high and I should take the consequences that come along with it.

Still, I find myself hurting seeing the star adoption certificate hung up on my wall. To burrow myself into a deeper sorrow, somehow Aldebaran is playing softly in the background. It's just how he is; once you're attached, you can never let go.

When you're an outside kind of person being inside is a little suffocating but nothing seemed to make me want to lift myself off the bed. There are multiple notifications on my phone; some I've never opened ever since I've received the them. My mum, San, Wooyoung, Yeji, Yeosang and even Yunho from the roastery. But the most was Seonghwa.

Every time I hear my phone vibrate, I can only watch it silently from under the covers as it displays 'Seonghoon enthusiast' on the screen―at some point, I'd changed it back to just his name. It happened at almost every half an hour at first and it almost scared me, but it's lessened now. Somehow in between my mixed feelings, I can tell that Seonghwa is worried but I'm too preoccupied in my own emotions that I find myself not even caring.

I know that the afternoon after I got back home, Seonghwa came to my door. I heard him knock several times, calling my name from the other side of the entrance with a hint of desperation. I wanted to answer, I really did. I really wanted to open that door, go straight into his arms and kiss his lips again but I couldn't do that. It hurt me enough to hear his sniffles through the walls so to even do that or let alone face him, It's a stupid move yet I don't know how many more heartstrings will snap. Seonghwa waited all night.

The wound is still fresh. It's barely been a few days and I'm still thinking, getting used to the fact that what I saw was real and something that I didn't imagine. Most of the time, I feel myself almost clawing at my mark and trying to rip it off but I couldn't as at the same time, I couldn't hurt San.

Oh my God, San. I groan, burying my face in my pillows once more.

Why did I have to be so overconfident?

Nobody knows the real reason why I left with San in such a hurry that day. It's a bit selfish of me not letting anyone know but even if I did, who would I tell?

I'm not ready to tell Seonghwa yet. I bet he too doesn't know. The thought frightens me, having to be reminded that the universe never wrote about us. Not San either... I don't know how he'll react. And especially not Yeosang.

Especially not him. I clench my fists on my bed sheets; no matter how you look at it, intentional or not, it's my fault for keeping Yeosang away from the one he's meant to be with―someone whom he waited for almost six years. Although he says that he's fine and he's not bothered by it anymore, I can say otherwise as he still gets excited when his star mate would write on their marks. His star mate that is Seonghwa...

Ugh, why did it have to be like this?

Finally, I've heard enough of Aldebaran, quickly cutting off the album being played harshly with a jab of my thumb. The nearing-spring atmosphere brings a tickle to my nose and I wipe it harshly.

I glare at the screen of my phone as it shuts off then glance at the clock on the wall. It's like I expected it to have moved faster but for the past few times I've looked at it, the time still shows two in the afternoon.

There's nothing interesting in being heartbroken. However the repeated feeling of being hurt when my mind wanders off is definitely something that I shouldn't keep using as entertainment to fill the silence. There's a light thumping in my head from being in my bed for so long when I stand up, making a mental note in my head to look for a headache pill later on. So with heavy steps, I let my feet take me out of my room and let my mind busy over the fact that there are multiple empty mugs on the coffee table.